Cheating

O

Orleander

OH JOY!!!!
Valued Senior Member
I was talking to a friend about infidelity. I told her I had never cheated on anyone. Apparently my idea of cheating is different than hers.

I was monogomously dating person #1 a year, slept with person #2, and broke it off with person #1 that week (never having slept with him again). Person #1 loved me but I never loved him and never told him I did.
Was I cheating?
 
Orleander said:
I was monogomously dating person #1 a year, slept with person #2, and broke it off with person #1 that week (never having slept with him again). Person #1 loved me but I never loved him and never told him I did.
Was I cheating?
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Hmmm, amazing how many women think this way:
in your own mind you'd already broken up with #1 so it was okay to sleep with #2.
But #1 wasn't aware you'd broken up...
so yes it was cheating.
 
I would need more information. *If* person 1 to reasonably believed that you were in an exclusive relationship, and you knew that person 1 held that belief and did not dissuade him/her, then I'd say you cheated. IMO, if one merely sits back in silence (while another person reasonably grows to see the pair of them as a "couple"), he or she is tacitly agreeing to that "coupledom." If one doesn't want to be in such an exclusive relationship, one should speak up.

Assuming that person 1 reasonably believed you were in an exclusive relationship, then it stands to reason that from his/her perspective that you cheated. I think that other person's perspective is always the touchstone of what 'cheating' is...as if it's left to the perspective of the person having the questionable sex, then anyone who asserts that they are not cheating, is not cheating.
 
Orleander said:
I was monogomously dating person #1 a year, slept with person #2, and broke it off with person #1 that week (never having slept with him again). Person #1 loved me but I never loved him and never told him I did.
Was I cheating?
Click to expand...

Yep, cheating! And worse, you were a "user" with #1 ...you "used" him for dates and sex even when you didn't love him and probably had no intention of staying with him. Yep, you're a cheater AND a user!

But don't let it get you down, all women are cheaters and users ....that's what women do!!

Baron Max
 
Baron Max said:
Yep, cheating! And worse, you were a "user" with #1 ...you "used" him for dates and sex even when you didn't love him and probably had no intention of staying with him. Yep, you're a cheater AND a user!

But don't let it get you down, all women are cheaters and users ....that's what women do!!

Baron Max
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Unfortunately have to agree. Although Oli put it so much more delicately.
Your definition of cheating seems quite twisted Orleander - Obviously to fit that you don't want to see yourself or for other people to see you in a bad light or to feel guilty about your actions. Instead of trying to justify it however(not trying to be hurtful but I'm going to just be honest and say it's a pathetic justification attempt but you're smart enough to know that) why not just be honest with yourself?
 
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Yes, its cheating, IMO. You're either going out with someone or you're not.
 
Anti-Flag said:
why not just be honest with yourself?
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Because, as I said, a large number (majority) of women think that way.
If they've broken up (in their own mind) then it isn't cheating.
The fact that they inform the ex that he's an ex AFTER the *cough* "event" doesn't count as cheating in their mind...
I've had it explained to me by one or two women who did exactly the same thing (to me) and couldn't see why I was so "unnecessarily" worked up about it... :eek:
 
Baron Max said:
Yep, cheating! And worse, you were a "user" with #1 ...you "used" him for dates and sex even when you didn't love him and probably had no intention of staying with him. Yep, you're a cheater AND a user!

But don't let it get you down, all women are cheaters and users ....that's what women do!!

Baron Max
Click to expand...

Used him for sex!! LMAO. Hold up your thumb. That's what he had to work with. The man only knew 1 position when I met him! He was a devout preacher's kid and he was going through a divorce from the first woman he ever dated. His family didn't like me because I was too outspoken (even though we never talked about religion). I have a hard time falling in love with someone who isn't even divorced yet. But I liked him A LOT.
I had my own place, he had his own place. Both of us were monogamous because that's just how we were raised. As many dates as he took me on is how many meals I cooked for him. And he learned some new bed skills.
I AM NOT A USER!

But yeah, I can see how it may have been cheating. (I married man #2)
 
Oli said:
....I've had it explained to me by one or two women who did exactly the same thing (to me) and couldn't see why I was so "unnecessarily" worked up about it... :eek:
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We must come from the same school. As long as you end it, its not cheating. I don't know why I thought that, I don't know where I learned it.
 
Orleander said:
I was talking to a friend about infidelity. I told her I had never cheated on anyone. Apparently my idea of cheating is different than hers.

I was monogomously dating person #1 a year, slept with person #2, and broke it off with person #1 that week (never having slept with him again). Person #1 loved me but I never loved him and never told him I did.
Was I cheating?
Click to expand...

you slept with a guy one time THEN broke up with person #1? LOL typical.

I would not worry about weather you cheated or not, i mean in that case does it matter.:shrug:
 
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Oli said:
Because, as I said, a large number (majority) of women think that way.
If they've broken up (in their own mind) then it isn't cheating.
The fact that they inform the ex that he's an ex AFTER the *cough* "event" doesn't count as cheating in their mind...
I've had it explained to me by one or two women who did exactly the same thing (to me) and couldn't see why I was so "unnecessarily" worked up about it... :eek:
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Well this is one of those things where a person is smart but a group of people can be down right stupid. I think they'd have to be stupid or at least dishonest to think like that and if they would be objective about the situation they'd know that.
I really don't buy that they genuinely "think that way", I find it hard to believe the majority of them stupid or unobjective, deliberately dishonest perhaps far more likely and there are always some exceptions.
I bet if it's the other way round they bitch like crazy so I'm sure they know it's wrong, it's just a way to alleviate guilt really, which obviously works better if they all stick together, this way they can cover each others guilt.
It's kind of like creating a false(knowingly wrong) accepted morality by denial.
 
Orleander said:
And he learned some new bed skills.
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I hope you're not suggesting that in any way makes up for it. Wonder if he'd sacrifice that to go back with the knowledge he has now? I know so many people that would if they could.
 
Orleander said:
We must come from the same school. As long as you end it, its not cheating. I don't know why I thought that, I don't know where I learned it.
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You learnt it from a dumbass girl who wanted to justify their actions because of being called names and knowing perfectly well it's not a nice thing to do. Like those who say if their partner cheated too then it doesn't really count(like hell, just means you're both as bad as each other).
Did they teach you the "two state rule" aswel? That one cracks me up.

There are plenty of stupid things people come up with, I'm rather surprised you brought it actually though, you seem pretty objective. I'm sure you think better of it now but did you really not think about it at all since like high school?
 
Anti-Flag said:
Well this is one of those things ...snip... accepted morality by denial.
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Just put the quote so you know what I'm replying to.
Even though it was done to me, I can see the "logic". :eek:
Women have a different take on things, if it's over it's over.
Regardless of when they actually get round to informing the luckless "victim".
I have learnt that much about women in my life...
 
Oli said:
Just put the quote so you know what I'm replying to.
Even though it was done to me, I can see the "logic". :eek:
Women have a different take on things, if it's over it's over.
Regardless of when they actually get round to informing the luckless "victim".
I have learnt that much about women in my life...
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I use the term logic very loosely with women. Ever taken one to a circular shaped theme park? Presuming you let her choose the route did you actually go round in the circle? Didn't think so :p.
I get their point that from their point of view it's over and everything, but when it happens to them they go crazy. A lot of people say women have a different take on things, and whilst they do seem slightly different in some respects, a lot of things along the lines of morality and such they actually do know perfectly well, as is bourn out in their actions when it happens to them, but they like to have seperate rules for themselves to make things acceptable. Men tend to stand back and accept this, which kinda disappoints me, the way both sexes behave does.
It's like emotional blackmail; women saying "if you loved me you'd do it" is part of life right? Though if a guy says it it's as though a nuclear war has just broke out. Different rules.
 
Anti-Flag said:
You learnt it from a dumbass girl who wanted to justify their actions because of being called names and knowing perfectly well it's not a nice thing to do. ....I'm sure you think better of it now but did you really not think about it at all since like high school?
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Even the girls said "He dumped me for so and so" The guy only cheated if he stayed with you. Its just how it was.
And I am questioning it, which is why I posted the question here, you grumpybutt. Lord love a duck! Did every woman you know cheat on you? :rolleyes:

And when I saw him last, he was back with his wife. he may have said he loved me, but he obviously still loved her. Who used who? Nobody.
 
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