Both Sex or No Sex

[visceral_instinct]

Let them choose when older. People usually have very strong feelings about which sex they are on the inside.

Sure they may get teased, but I know if I was one of those intersexed people I would prefer that to being permanently in a body that was the wrong sex.

 

[swarm]

If your child was/had been born with ambiguous genitalia (can't tell what sex it is), what would you do? Would you operate to give them "normal" looking genitalia for their assigned sex or would you leave them ambiguous?

It depends. If they had things which would impair their enjoyment of life or ability to reproduce which needed immediate attention, I would have those repaired as needed. If they merely had aesthetic issues I'd wait and get their input in as much as possible assuming I could do that. If it was a decision which had to be made immediately then I would make the call I felt would leave them the happiest.

Part of being a parent is making those decisions. In general I go with it is usually easier to do later than it is to try and undo.

 

[CutsieMarie89]

It depends. If they had things which would impair their enjoyment of life or ability to reproduce which needed immediate attention, I would have those repaired as needed. If they merely had aesthetic issues I'd wait and get their input in as much as possible assuming I could do that. If it was a decision which had to be made immediately then I would make the call I felt would leave them the happiest.

Part of being a parent is making those decisions. In general I go with it is usually easier to do later than it is to try and undo.

There is nothing wrong with them. The decision never has to be made immediately, as nothing is threatening their health. Chances are they most likely aren't/won't be fertile. Their genitalia just doesn't match their assigned sex. ie girl has a very large clitoris/penis, no vagina and/or her vulva is fused together or a boy has un-descended testes and/or an extremely small penis. There is nothing threatening their health. (Those are just the most common extreme cases I read about).

 

[visceral_instinct]

It depends. If they had things which would impair their enjoyment of life or ability to reproduce which needed immediate attention, I would have those repaired as needed. If they merely had aesthetic issues I'd wait and get their input in as much as possible assuming I could do that. If it was a decision which had to be made immediately then I would make the call I felt would leave them the happiest.

Part of being a parent is making those decisions. In general I go with it is usually easier to do later than it is to try and undo.

I completely agree. Plus you could do doing terrible damage if you assigned to them the opposite sex of the one they identified with.

 

[draqon]

If your child was/had been born with ambiguous genitalia (can't tell what sex it is), what would you do? Would you operate to give them "normal" looking genitalia for their assigned sex or would you leave them ambiguous?

operate as soon as possible.

 

[Orleander]

i would recommend the novel "middlesex" for anybody interested in the kind of issues this problem raises - nicely written book in its own right

agreed. It was an excellent book.

 

[shorty_37]

Tell them it's OK but don't tell them it's normal! Or lucky!!!!!!!!!!! (WHAT are you toking?)

I am with you on this one. Tell them they are lucky? come on.

I don't know what I would do. I think I would do a lot of research and get the opinions of Dr.'s that specialize in this sort of thing. I am also wondering if it would be less traumatic to have it done when they are a baby, then to wait till they were old enough to consult. My gut is going with get it done as soon as possible.

 

[scott3x]

If your child was/had been born with ambiguous genitalia (can't tell what sex it is), what would you do? Would you operate to give them "normal" looking genitalia for their assigned sex or would you leave them ambiguous?

Let them chose when they get older.

At what age would you accept their decision as well reasoned?

Perhaps God knows . Us mere mortals have to go with our gut sometimes. If I had a child like this, I think I'd encourage them to think about it for a bit and explain to the choice they make will affect them for the rest of their lives.

What if they choose incorrectly and suffer for it?

Atleast they made the decision. As you've mentioned, many times the children themselves aren't given the choice and I've heard a pretty bad story of a child who had the choice made for the person (the person decided they wanted to be a he despite being made to look like a girl and conditioned to act like one, which he never took to; he could have been able to reproduce if he hadn't been surgically 'fixed').

 

[CutsieMarie89]

I am with you on this one. Tell them they are lucky? come on.

I don't know what I would do. I think I would do a lot of research and get the opinions of Dr.'s that specialize in this sort of thing. I am also wondering if it would be less traumatic to have it done when they are a baby, then to wait till they were old enough to consult. My gut is going with get it done as soon as possible.

I don't see why it would be less traumatic. Making a penis usually requires several surgeries, and making a vagina requires dilation forever about 14 years or it'll close up. Not to mention the minor surgeries to cut away scar tissue and hope that it grows with the child (otherwise she'll be an adult woman with a vagina only 6cm long). I never knew genital surgery was so complicated before I read a book about intersex, but it seems to me whether you do the surgery right away or wait, your child will know something isn't right. As doctor's will always be poking around with their genitals.

 

[q0101]

I would have the child killed if I had the legal right to do it. But seeing as how that is not an option, I would probably encourage my girlfriend to give the child up for adoption. If she refused to get rid of the child, I would end my relationship with her and I would refuse to play a role in the child’s life.

 

[Digmaster]

I would have the child killed if I had the legal right to do it. But seeing as how that is not an option, I would probably encourage my girlfriend to give the child up for adoption. If she refused to get rid of the child, I would end my relationship with her and I would refuse to play a role in the child’s life.

Way to be supportive. However, I have a feeling I would also do this, however do the following instead of leaving her:

I would have surgery to give them the genetic sex, then not even so much as mention it, until they were 18. Knowledge of this would mess them up so mentally.

 

[CutsieMarie89]

Way to be supportive. However, I have a feeling I would also do this, however do the following instead of leaving her:

I would have surgery to give them the genetic sex, then not even so much as mention it, until they were 18. Knowledge of this would mess them up so mentally.

How could you go that long with out telling them something something? They'll probably want to know why they have to take all those hormones, when they reach puberty. It's kind of like not telling your kid their adopted and they can't figure out why they don't look like anyone in the family. Don't you think?

 

[Digmaster]

I thanks the psychological damage caused by spending your childhood wondering if you should be male or female is much higher then the confusion caused by mysterious shots. I would just tell him/her that there's a birth defect somewhere and by taking the shots we're making his/her life much easier. It wouldn't be a lie unless they (undoubtedly) ask what wrong, then you lie.

 

[Orleander]

I thanks the psychological damage caused by spending your childhood wondering if you should be male or female is much higher then the confusion caused by mysterious shots. I would just tell him/her that there's a birth defect somewhere and by taking the shots we're making his/her life much easier. It wouldn't be a lie unless they (undoubtedly) ask what wrong, then you lie.

But if its that way your whole life, and you know that, you don't think about it as much. Its not as big a deal.

Its like your daughter knowing about a period her whole childhood compared to 'surprise! You're bleeding!"

 

[visceral_instinct]

Way to be supportive. However, I have a feeling I would also do this, however do the following instead of leaving her:

I would have surgery to give them the genetic sex, then not even so much as mention it, until they were 18. Knowledge of this would mess them up so mentally.

Please for the love of DNA do not have surgery done on them before they are old enough to consent.

You could be consigning them to a life of always being in the wrong body/wanting surgery to feel normal.

People can be genetically one sex, but identify as another due to their neuro-endocrine makeup.

 

[swarm]

There is nothing wrong with them.

I didn't say there was. I said: "If they had things which would impair their enjoyment of life or ability to reproduce which needed immediate attention, I would have those repaired as needed." There are numerous things which if caught while one is very young can be corrected, preferably in the womb. Since we are dealing with hypotheticals, this is one of them.

The decision never has to be made immediately, as nothing is threatening their health. Chances are they most likely aren't/won't be fertile. Their genitalia just doesn't match their assigned sex. ie girl has a very large clitoris/penis, no vagina and/or her vulva is fused together or a boy has un-descended testes and/or an extremely small penis. There is nothing threatening their health. (Those are just the most common extreme cases I read about).

If they merely had aesthetic issues I'd wait and get their input in as much as possible assuming I could do that. If it was a decision which had to be made immediately then I would make the call I felt would leave them the happiest.

Is this so hard to understand?

 

[CutsieMarie89]

Is this so hard to understand?

I didn't say I disagreed with you, I was just giving more information on said "hypothetical", from the book I read, which is why I asked the OP in the first place. If it was a situation that I was confronted with, I honestly have no idea what I would do, as a parent.

 

[gluon]

You may want them to choose this. They may indeed be bisexual (according to genetic makeup) and therefore, choosing their sex at this age, or what identity they choose to take, if not both at the same time, will but lead to a child who may feel their identity has been stolen and even chosen.

 

[gluon]

Way to be supportive. However, I have a feeling I would also do this, however do the following instead of leaving her:

I would have surgery to give them the genetic sex, then not even so much as mention it, until they were 18. Knowledge of this would mess them up so mentally.

I guess you hate gays? I would so teach your ass a leason if you were in my company, biggot. You'd be screaming for help.

 

[madanthonywayne]

18, it should be within their power to make the right or wrong decision at that point (or no decision).

That doesn't make any sense.. What are you going to name the kid? How is the kid going to dress? Which bathroom would he/she use? Which teams would he/she play on; the boys or the girls. Sorry, you can't dodge the decision and let he child decide when they're 18. To do so would condemn the kid to living as a freak, being ostracized, isolated, and warped for life. You must decide, not the child.