Atheist armageddon pet rescue

James R

James R

Just this guy, you know?
Staff member
It turns out that atheists are nice people after all.

Atheists have set up a company that provides a service for evangelical Christians who will be taken up to heaven during the coming Rapture. Since these Christians often don't believe that their pets have souls, the pets will be stuck here on Earth when their owners are beamed up to heaven. That's where the atheists come in.

Since the infidel unbelievers won't be going to heaven either, they can stay on Earth and look after the believers' beloved pets. How it works is that believers sign a contract with the atheist company, by which for a small fee the company undertakes to care for the believers' pets when they ascend to heaven.

Now, believers can rest assured that their loved pets will be cared for by friendly atheists when the big day of the Rapture arrives.

Thanks, atheists!

http://media.theage.com.au/national/breaking-news/atheists-armageddon-pet-rescue-702350.html?
 
How much are they charging the Christians?

Got it:

You've committed your life to Jesus. You know you're saved. But when the Rapture comes what's to become of your loving pets who are left behind? Eternal Earth-Bound Pets takes that burden off your mind.

We are a group of dedicated animal lovers, and atheists. Each
Eternal Earth-Bound Pet representative is a confirmed atheist, and as such will still be here on Earth after you've received your reward. Our network of animal activists are committed to step in when you step up to Jesus.

We are currently active in 20 states and growing. Our representatives have been screened to ensure that they are atheists, animal lovers, are moral / ethical with no criminal background, have the ability and desire to rescue your pet and the means to retrieve them and ensure their care for your pet's natural life.

We currently cover the following states:
Maine,New Hampshire, Vermont, Massachusetts, Connecticut, Rhode Island, Wisconsin, Minnesota, Michigan, Arkansas, Mississippi, Tennessee, Kentucky, Colorado, Oklahoma, Kansas, Washington, Oregon, Idaho and Montana ... and growing.

Our service is plain and simple; our fee structure is reasonable.
For $110.00 we will guarantee that should the Rapture occur within ten (10) years of receipt of payment, one pet per residence will be saved. Each additional pet at your residence will be saved for an additional $15.00 fee. A small price to pay for your peace of mind and the health and safety of your four legged friends.

Unfortunately at this time we are not equipped to accommodate all species and must limit our services to dogs, cats, birds, rabbits, and small caged mammals.

Thank you for your interest in Eternal Earth-Bound Pets. We hope we can help provide you with peace of mind.

http://www.eternal-earthbound-pets.com/
Click to expand...

Very nice people indeed.
 
A small price to pay, considering that a yearly visit to the vet for the pet's regular checkup could cost the same. The company undertakes to care for the pet for the rest of its life.
 
Well that's just bollocks.

How are they going to keep the pets from being burned up in the hellfire that sweeps the globe, for example? Better for atheists to invest in Papal dispensations, "just in case".
 
How are they going to keep the pets from being burned up in the hellfire that sweeps the globe, for example?
Click to expand...

I guess if the evangelicals believe their pets will be incinerated then they won't be paying this company to look after them.

Is that what evangelicals believe, GeoffP?
 
S.A.M. said:
So after the owner dies and before the Rapture, the atheists will take care of the pet? Is that the agreement?
Click to expand...
Perhaps they are referring to "Rapture" as in a personal one - i.e. death of the owner - rather than the all encompassing hell-fires that will sweep across the face of the planet etc or whatever the Rapture is supposed to entail.

So basically it is just a "we'll look after your pets when you die" insurance.
 
SAM said:
So after the owner dies and before the Rapture, the atheists will take care of the pet? Is that the agreement?
Click to expand...
The other way around - after the Rapture but before the owner dies.
 
So its for imminent Rapture? Well never say that Athiests are not Moral beings
 
S.A.M. said:
So after the owner dies and before the Rapture, the atheists will take care of the pet? Is that the agreement?
Click to expand...

The owner won't die before the Rapture, surely! The Rapture will be here any day now. It's the end times, SAM. Haven't you heard?

Sarkus said:
Perhaps they are referring to "Rapture" as in a personal one - i.e. death of the owner - rather than the all encompassing hell-fires that will sweep across the face of the planet etc or whatever the Rapture is supposed to entail.
Click to expand...

No, they're referring to the one in Revelation, the Armageddon.

Enmos said:
James, you've made 24 posts today already. Are you alright ?
Click to expand...

Today my time, or today your time? Because I don't think we're in the same time zone, and two of my days may well span one of yours.
 
James R said:
Today my time, or today your time? Because I don't think we're in the same time zone, and two of my days may well span one of yours.
Click to expand...
My time, but the posts are perfectly distributed.
Anyway, forget it. Sorry.
 
Enmos:

Don't worry. I don't think it will greatly affect my average post rate. :)
 
S.A.M. said:
So after the owner dies and before the Rapture, the atheists will take care of the pet? Is that the agreement?
Click to expand...

Read from what you quoted yourself...

For $110.00 we will guarantee that should the Rapture occur within ten (10) years of receipt of payment, one pet per residence will be saved. Each additional pet at your residence will be saved for an additional $15.00 fee. A small price to pay for your peace of mind and the health and safety of your four legged friends.
Click to expand...

Non-Rapture death is not included in the deal.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top