Are you an introvert or extrovert?

DaveC426913 said:
Hm. I think you're letting your introversion rule you.

One doesn't go to weddings for the wedding - or christenings for the christening. One goes to share these times with the people you care about. These things can't hurt you - you are comfortable with who you are enough that it takes nothing away from you to attend them. Churches can't hurt atheists any more than Harry Potter movies can hurt scientists.
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I don't think he is not going because he is afraid or not comfortable with who he is. :)

He doesn't enjoy those things.
 
Seattle said:
I don't think he is not going because he is afraid or not comfortable with who he is. :)
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Perhaps. Although it was him that brought up the issue of not attending events - in a thread about introversion.

He doesn't enjoy those things.[/QUOTE]
Enough to miss out on these rare, momentous occasions with the people he cares about?
 
DaveC426913 said:
Perhaps. Although it was him that brought up the issue of not attending events - in a thread about introversion.

Enough to miss out on these rare, momentous occasions with the people he cares about?
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I guess I can identify with him a bit on that one. If it's a child or parent, sure, you just do it.

If it's a friend who just asked you to attend and you aren't into that kind of thing? I see no problem with passing on it. Friends have parties all the time and they know that I'll rarely attend. They don't take it personally.

In a way it's kind of like forcing someone to go to church when they aren't religious. They aren't afraid to go and not going because they aren't comfortable in their own skin.

It doesn't suit their style. Sure if it's really important like a daughter getting married who wants her father there, that's different.
 
DaveC426913 said:
Nobody does!

One does it because that's adulting.
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Haha...

There is one distinction however. Some people are more "traditional" than others. Some may attach some importance to a "church wedding" or a "church funeral". Not everyone feels that way.

When my mother died I did the traditional thing with a church service for her, an "open house" for friends and family at the funeral home and then the actual burial service.

If all her friends were dead and I'm an only child then I would have skipped everything but the burial. That wasn't the case so I did all that for her memory and for her friends.

I didn't really respect or like the minister intruding on my "grief" (I didn't know him) asking for stories to tell at the service, etc. but I put up with it.

Sometimes you are doing something for "society" but if it's just purely for society there is no reason to do it if it has no meaning (and even negative meaning) for you.

A friend sometimes isn't necessarily close enough for you to do things that you don't embrace the meaning behind it. That doesn't mean that they aren't a close friend however.

I don't have to open my door and hand out candy all night long on Halloween just because "everyone" else does it, for example.
 
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DaveC426913 said:
Intro/extroversion is not a "mood" thing. One doesn't change whether one is introverted or extroverted.

Introverts like a good social gathering as much as the next guy - it's not about that.

It's a question of where you go to recharge.

Here's an example: in a brainstorming meeting at work, there are some people that get chuffed by the hustle and bustle of interaction and idea sharing. They get energized from this and do their best work in an active, social environment. These are extroverts.

I can certainly be creative, but when I need to collect my thoughts before I can get productive, I need to return to my desk and have some alone time to recharge. I'm an introvert.

I still go out and have a good time with friends. But I recharge alone.
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It is a mood thing with me. Sometimes I need the company of my brothers to feel re-booted, and other times I need my own space, away from everyone, even my wife.
Not everything in life has defined little sections you put people into, everyone is different.
 
Seattle said:
There is one distinction however. Some people are more "traditional" than others. Some may attach some importance to a "church wedding" or a "church funeral". Not everyone feels that way.
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I know. Me too. I was just at a funeral where they did all the traditional things - Lord's Prayer, Hail Mary, Testicles-Spectacles-Watch-Wallet, etc. I just let them do what makes them comfy. I don't need to protest. My atheism isn't so fragile that it's threatened. In fact, I can afford to be generous.

But OK. I was just supposing with Alex.
 
I am an extreme social outcast and always was.

I don't like most people and how greedy and abusive they are to me.

This is why I tend to stay away from people and especially from people on the Internet who are often even more mean and abusive toward me.
 
pluto2 said:
This is why I tend to stay away from people and especially from people on the Internet who are often even more mean and abusive toward me.
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You must admit it is amusing that you shared this intimate emotion with the people you accuse of being the cause for your displeasure.
But it is true, the anonymity of the internet tends to encourage people to be more agressive in tone than they would be in face to face confrontation.
 
pluto2 said:
I am an extreme social outcast and always was.

I don't like most people and how greedy and abusive they are to me.

This is why I tend to stay away from people and especially from people on the Internet who are often even more mean and abusive toward me.
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Introverts aren't ''social outcasts.'' And introverts don't ''stay away from people, etc.''

Again, introverts simply choose to recharge by themselves, and not around or ''through'' other people, as extroverts tend to do.

pluto, no offense, but you seem to like playing the victim, but if you stopped doing that, your life might improve in ways you can't imagine.
 
wegs said:
pluto, no offense, but you seem to like playing the victim, but if you stopped doing that, your life might improve in ways you can't imagine.
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I think you talk a lot of bullshit since I know my life won't improve much if at all and I already tried to commit suicide several times.
 
I'm trying to help you...but you don't see any of our advice here as helpful. Have you sought out any good counselors to help you?
 
https://www.buzzfeednews.com/articl...ocial-distancing-quarantine-working-from-home

While I miss socializing, get togethers and large gatherings (in small doses)...it's very rewarding as the article points out, to enjoy your own company. And spending time with a trusted friend or two, preferably ones whom you know are not ignoring the social distancing guidelines, etc.

I'm intrigued that there are people struggling to enjoy alone time? When this is all over, businesses will be hustling to get back on track, and vacation time might be hard to come by in the beginning. So, take some advice from an introvert...celebrate these quiet moments. It's a somber time given the situation, but finding hidden talents, skills and hobbies will help you cope. Don't rush the time away, because it can be very meaningful in its own way.
 
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I think the only thing I “mind” about this “stay at home” order is that it’s forced upon us. I feel at my best introverted self, when it’s my choice. :wink:
 
Seattle said:
When my mother died I did the traditional thing with a church service for her, an "open house" for friends and family at the funeral home and then the actual burial service.

If all her friends were dead and I'm an only child then I would have skipped everything but the burial. That wasn't the case so I did all that for her memory and for her friends.
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I suspect that I will likely have to be doing something similar--not the church service part, fortunately, but probably some kind of memorial or open house sort of thing. Honestly though, I don't have a clue as to how you even organize such a thing. I have hosted and coordinated plenty of "events," but they were of an altogether different nature--and the "guests," so to speak, were pretty much anyone who was interested.

Also, I've always pretty much avoided any and all "social gatherings," unless they involve me performing or I'm going to see something. I don't do that standing around and talking to random people thing, so it's hard to imagine how I am going to act as that sort of "host."
 
parmalee said:
I suspect that I will likely have to be doing something similar--not the church service part, fortunately, but probably some kind of memorial or open house sort of thing. Honestly though, I don't have a clue as to how you even organize such a thing. I have hosted and coordinated plenty of "events," but they were of an altogether different nature--and the "guests," so to speak, were pretty much anyone who was interested.

Also, I've always pretty much avoided any and all "social gatherings," unless they involve me performing or I'm going to see something. I don't do that standing around and talking to random people thing, so it's hard to imagine how I am going to act as that sort of "host."
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That part actually turned out to be easy and low stress. It was just part of the funeral home service. Not to get graphic but your loved one dies, is taken to your choice of a funeral home to be embalmed (or cremated) and placed in a casket.

Some people like to look at the body (I don't) so I agreed to have the casket on display in the open position for 30 minutes before the official "friends and family night" or whatever it's called. It's just an hour where people can come by.

I showed up at the official time and the casket had already been closed. This isn't a wake, no speeches or whatever so everyone just talks among themselves and is very respectful of the family members (just me in this case).

I saw a few friends of my mother's that I recognized and said hello and basically just walked around a little. A few older cousins showed up that I knew well and I spent most of the time just chatting with them.

Every now and then someone who was close to my mother but that I didn't know well would come up just to say hello.

The hour is over and you leave. I was married at the time so I had my wife there to talk to as well. In my case, no criers or overly emotional people showed up to try to get everyone in tears. Those people showed up at the church service and I isolated myself in the family section with my wife on one side and a favorite uncle on the other and just sat it out when the minister did his time. This is the event I would have eliminated if it were just about me.

I hope this helps. I realize it could be a totally different expectation where you live.

The actual grave side "service" was very brief, a minister said a few words, I said hello to a few people and then I got back into the provided limo and all the stress is over at that point because it's final and you've done all that you could do.
 
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