My three year old daughter uses please and thankyou on a regular basis, without prompting, says "I love you" to friends and family, and already has sufficient empathy to express sympathy and offer a hug when someone hurts themselves, or realizes she has accidentaly hurt someone else, and will apologize for such, without prompting. She also has sufficient empathy that she can understand (albeit with some guidance) that if she doesn't like something being done to her, then others probably aren't going to like it either. Why? Because my wife and I recognize that as parents, we also have a role as educators.
You better warn her to watch this behavior when she gets to be around six or so. This sort of behavior is going to eventually get her into to some hot water or get her a visit to the principle I imagine. In today's society, apologies are signs of weakness. How often do you see apologies around here? And god forbid, don't try to hug anyone in a school. . . it's against the rules. No seriously, in public schools at least, it really is. . . .
I understand completely what you are saying, and agree with it 100%, however, this is not the social culture that is being taught in the schools. The culture that is being taught in the schools is, look out for yourself, look out for number one. If you hurt someone, it is their job to take it, and look out for themselves, because you are going to be hurt by other people. In fact, expect it. Why? Because the state and the institutions have been set up to make sure different social groupings cause kids to hurt each other and make them feel as though it is not only OK, but it is an expected and all right thing to do. We learn these lessons, and we learn them well, because we continue to judge, discriminate, and divide ourselves up into social groupings where it is perfectly all right to engage in this behavior. It is not the child that does the hurting that gets in trouble, it is the child that is the object of ridicule, that dares to "tattle," that makes a wrench in the system, or stops the even flow of the day, that is the one that draws the ire of the establishment. They are explicitly taught not to bring their internal squabbles to the attention of the teachers or administrators, and to work it out among themselves, for it adds work to the adults day. Thus, it is the strong and most socially mature among the kids that rule the playground, kind or not. Just or not, empathetic or not. And the most cruel and ruthless of all mankind are the children manipulated by establishment institutions. Ever thought to consider homeschooling? lol
Don't have the right intelligence? Don't wear the right clothes or have the money to be brought to school in the right car or have the right toys? Well, being treated like a second class citizen, being ignored or excluded is really just fine. "Bullying" isn't officially though. But there are many other ways to cause emotional and psychological pain. . . sure there are. And so it begins. The separation and division of the masses by use of manipulation, disgust, distaste, and "fear of the other."
How wonderful, loving and innocent the children truly are before the establishment gets their hooks into them though, aren't they?
Trust me, I know, my son is extremely bright, very loving, polite and ethical as well. Sounds much the same as your daughter. I still have to chuckle to myself and wonder. . . how the hell does a first grader get suspended from school in the first two weeks?
I'll tell you, for doing what kids do, playing, being nice, day dreaming and doing exactly as they were raised. Kids aren't little adults who are born to work 9-5. And when they are expected to, it sort of breaks their hearts.
So I guess what I am trying to say, is that even though parents may
try to teach values and ethics at home, the establishment, institutionalized education not only lacks these values, but actually works against them. It is a constant battle. If you wish to keep the values strong in your child, it may mean an active role in your child's education, battle with your PTA or school, and in some extreme cases? Basically disregarding some policies of your child's educational facility.