You know it's going to be a bad day when . . .

You wake up & realize you'd dreamed that you woke up then you wake up realizing that had been part of the dream then you wake up with a jolt & realize that had been more dreaming then you wake up groggy, try to clear your thoughts, pinch yourself & realize you're still dreaming then you're woke by a loud bang, stumble out of bed, trip & hit your head & wake up still in bed but with a huge headache & your spouse puts 2 aspirin in your mouth & rubs your forehead then you wake up thinking that was really weird because you have no spouse & you're allergic to aspirin then you wake up thinking that was really really weird because you've been married for 40 years & you're not allergic to aspirin, at least not as far as you know but maybe that's why you often get an irritating rash shortly after getting a headache then you wake up thinking this has got to be the weirdest damn dream you ever had & it's such a relief to finally be awake so you say "Computer. Earl Grey. Hot." & a cup of steaming hot black coffee floats over to your mouth & slightly tips & it's the absolute best cup of tea you never had but then you wake up still tasting that coffee & wishing you hadn't woke up, that is until you wake up again only to realize you're never going to wake up then someone shakes you awake & you look up into your own face then you wake up wondering if you're really really really awake ... ... ...
 
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You know it's going to be a bad day when...

you wake up at 4 in the morning and puke all over, then lay on the couch trying unsuccessfully to get back to sleep for the next two and a half hours, and then at 6:45 you throw up again, and you still feel nauseous and sick...

geez this sucks.
 
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