Your statement in bold made me think of something.
The way it's worded makes it sound way too standoffish. It should be 'Would you teach your child to defend him/herself from a bully.'
Would you teach your kid to fight a bully?
- Thread starter weed_eater_guy
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Your statement in bold made me think of something.
The way it's worded makes it sound way too standoffish. It should be 'Would you teach your child to defend him/herself from a bully.'
no shit he hasn't done anything permanent, they're brothers. you're suggesting you'll tell your child do inflict serious/permanent injuries upon their bullies for teasing them? how is instilling such that mentality gonna pan out?
by weapon, i meant anything other than their body. i would consider a pencil used in a fight to be a weapon.
well if u observe it, its british honor crap that prevents people getting stabbed over petty arguments. its unimportant that its british, its just an old saying so its patriotic, and the relevance is that by instilling or celebrating values which limit the extent of violence, we might actually lessen or limit the amount of violence.
you're telling your kid to go all out when someone teases him, you're provoking a more fierce retaliation as well as hardening the bullies. strong seas make skillful sailors sorta thing. thugs don't quit thuggery everytime someone stands up to them. also, you're assuming your kid will be in a able to defend themself, you're possibly underestimating the bullies.
school bullying does not constitute a 'no rules' street fight. A street fight is only 'no rules' if all the combatants are devoid of morals/honour.
if i was a bully and someone pulled a baton and pepper spray on me one day, i'd probably start carrying weapons too. and i'd stop letting them have the first punch.
You mean its okay if he's bullying some other shmuck?
I'm one of those who jumps in when others fear to tread. Slowing down in the old age though
mikenostic actually the conviction rate for bullying is going up at the moment (at a very rapid rate). Thats because currently bullies are morons, they keep videoing it on there phones and putting it on the internet and the cops are VERY willing to initiate an investigation into these even without a complaning victiom (makes it even easier if they are stupid enough to be wearing school uniform when they do it). Botom line, get your kid a phone with a good camra on it and tell them to tape any bullying that goes on, it will either scare them off or (if they are dumb) make great viewing for the jury
That's a dang good idea.
However, that would involve more or less perpetual/consistent alertness/situational awareness.
Let me tell you a story, a true one. This was told to me by both my dad and his older brother, my uncle Rex.
Rex used to incessantly pick on my dad up until this point. Pops said he was about 9 or 10 when this happened. Pops had a hatchet and was entertaining himself by chopping down on a tree stump. Well Rex kept putting his hand under the hatchet as it fell. Well pops got sick of it and swung a bit faster the next time Rex stuck his hand under there. Well the ax hit Rex's fingers. It didn't chop them off but Rex had to get something like 20 stitches in two fingers.
Bottom line codan...I'm the type that doesn't like to be picked on...leave me alone. If you pick on me even after I ask you to stop, I will find some way to ruin your shit...that goes for mother, father, brother, sister, uncle. Being a relative doesn't absolve you from getting a complete work over if you continue to pick on me. What's so hard to understand about that, codanblad? Please tell me?
Uh, no. But if the parents of that other 'schmuck' taught their child to defend him/herself, then the bullies wouldn't bully them either.
I understand that, but copernicus' 'give a man a fish' statement comes to mind. Sure, stand up for the weak, but also teach the weak to stand up and fight for themselves.
This utterly depends on the child. Some kids need to be reminded not to hit back, to find an adult, and some have to be encouraged to hit back. It boils down to the situation, and the nature of the kids involved.
My mom always told me to fight only when the other guy started, and don't stop. "Fight like you're going to kill 'em."
I was bullied a little when I was in school, not so much physically, but sometimes and I never did anything about it. Much, much later, my little brother experienced the same thing. My parents gave him the turn the other cheek BS, but I told him privately that bullies could be just as scared of him, and that he shouldn't let himself be insulted, not even a little bit. He said he was weak (he was somewhat chubby), I said that they don't know that, you can pretend to be strong, and being large was an advantage. You have to fight back immediately, even if you get hurt, they will respect you for that. He came back to me a week later and said it worked, he stood up to the people teasing him, and after that he became a popular kid and had a happy time in high school.
I was never bullied really, but I did get hit a few times because I preferred to play with boys and some little boys didn't like it. My mother always told me not to hit back just go tell on them right away, that way they would be the only one who got in trouble. That always worked like a charm. My father used to play around with me teaching me stuff he had learned in the military, but I thought it was all just fun and games. I developed an interest in fighting/ martial arts so I took classes during high school. And have only gotten into one fight during which I was charged with assault. If I had kids I would want them to know how to handle themselves if for some reason there was no one they could go to for help, but if they are in a setting where they could tell an adult I would prefer they'd do just that.
fighting should be a very last resort and only to defend ones self. i was verbally bullied when i moved to another school but i knew these kids had problems so it didnt matter to me that much.
two things i always thought about- no matter what there will always be someone out there who can kick my ass so why prove something or come off as a tough guy and i didnt want to spend the rest of my life fighting because of people i just didnt care about at all. after a year or so it died down and i made friends with the toughest kid in school so i would never have to fight because the bullies were scared shit of him. ha ha ha...
two things i always thought about- no matter what there will always be someone out there who can kick my ass so why prove something or come off as a tough guy and i didnt want to spend the rest of my life fighting because of people i just didnt care about at all. after a year or so it died down and i made friends with the toughest kid in school so i would never have to fight because the bullies were scared shit of him. ha ha ha...
Well, I was picked on during my early elementary school years verbally, but no real physical abuse.
It wasn't until I was kinda enrolled in multiple activities (sports, martial arts, swimming lessons, tennis, etc all in the same summer) that I started to get more lean and coordinated by later elementary school. I still retained the mindset of a weak victim, but it wasn't until a couple interactions that some bullies realized that I was actually stronger than I looked.
And in fact, after puberty, I did grow and look pretty strong as it was. And by that time people were well aware of my athleticism and skill in martial arts... so unfortunately I was never able to be in the shoes of someone that was picked on that was totally helpless. Its kinda funny to stand back and watch as someone talks all this crap and takes a quick swing at you and next moment they are on the floor clueless. But to be able to stand back and know that you could take on this person and still be able to smile and walk away; that's self-control, not weakness (Although one could argue that you'd have to be able to know that your the one in power to be able to have that luxury, walking away if you were weak doesn't really tell yourself much)
But ever since late elementary up through senior year of high school, I'd still see kids being picked on by others. They would sometimes come to me to gain my "alliance" or "protection" without saying it explicitly. So thus I thought about ways about how to fix these problems, about maybe these bullies needed to be picked on or fought back against.
I did think long and hard about these situations a a few times. It wasn't fair how some people could just get away with it or feel better about picking on people. And I myself had rarely ever had to fight; I usually out or stopped a "bully" from continuing physical assault with only 1 or 2 kicks/punches, they would just stop or be somewhat warned of what they were asking for if they had continued.
Regardless, there ARE situations where you don't want to be in. Some bullies will pick on you no matter how tough you are.. but that doesn't mean I suggest crying to the authorities. I didn't report to anyone even if someone wanted to mess with me, that part I understood as a code even amongst schoolkids.
As far as what I'd teach my kid, I'd teach them self-defense. And to fight only when necessary, and know how to stay away from those situations. And most importantly I'd teach him to be confident with himself and how he talks, and know how to interact with unreasonable people. One of the reasons I felt that I didn't get picked on really is because I didn't act weak or vulnerable, I didn't draw attention to myself, didn't look excessively or purposely stare at other people's eyes or girlfriends, and knew when to smile or nod my head and say "whats up" or "hows it going". And I knew who to hang out with. A lot of times I didn't need to do anything, bullies just stayed away.
Theres a lot of things you can do, but the last thing I would recommend is to just jump into a fight when its unnecessary. If my kid had a lot of bullies, even if he beat up the first one, or the 2nd, he'd be getting in a lot of fights then, and may even learn to enjoy bullying other kids.
It wasn't until I was kinda enrolled in multiple activities (sports, martial arts, swimming lessons, tennis, etc all in the same summer) that I started to get more lean and coordinated by later elementary school. I still retained the mindset of a weak victim, but it wasn't until a couple interactions that some bullies realized that I was actually stronger than I looked.
And in fact, after puberty, I did grow and look pretty strong as it was. And by that time people were well aware of my athleticism and skill in martial arts... so unfortunately I was never able to be in the shoes of someone that was picked on that was totally helpless. Its kinda funny to stand back and watch as someone talks all this crap and takes a quick swing at you and next moment they are on the floor clueless. But to be able to stand back and know that you could take on this person and still be able to smile and walk away; that's self-control, not weakness (Although one could argue that you'd have to be able to know that your the one in power to be able to have that luxury, walking away if you were weak doesn't really tell yourself much)
But ever since late elementary up through senior year of high school, I'd still see kids being picked on by others. They would sometimes come to me to gain my "alliance" or "protection" without saying it explicitly. So thus I thought about ways about how to fix these problems, about maybe these bullies needed to be picked on or fought back against.
I did think long and hard about these situations a a few times. It wasn't fair how some people could just get away with it or feel better about picking on people. And I myself had rarely ever had to fight; I usually out or stopped a "bully" from continuing physical assault with only 1 or 2 kicks/punches, they would just stop or be somewhat warned of what they were asking for if they had continued.
Regardless, there ARE situations where you don't want to be in. Some bullies will pick on you no matter how tough you are.. but that doesn't mean I suggest crying to the authorities. I didn't report to anyone even if someone wanted to mess with me, that part I understood as a code even amongst schoolkids.
As far as what I'd teach my kid, I'd teach them self-defense. And to fight only when necessary, and know how to stay away from those situations. And most importantly I'd teach him to be confident with himself and how he talks, and know how to interact with unreasonable people. One of the reasons I felt that I didn't get picked on really is because I didn't act weak or vulnerable, I didn't draw attention to myself, didn't look excessively or purposely stare at other people's eyes or girlfriends, and knew when to smile or nod my head and say "whats up" or "hows it going". And I knew who to hang out with. A lot of times I didn't need to do anything, bullies just stayed away.
Theres a lot of things you can do, but the last thing I would recommend is to just jump into a fight when its unnecessary. If my kid had a lot of bullies, even if he beat up the first one, or the 2nd, he'd be getting in a lot of fights then, and may even learn to enjoy bullying other kids.
In highschool I was occasionally used as the anti-bully. If someone was getting bullied they could come to me and I would hurt the bully and / or put the fear of death into him.