What you are referring to here is the distinction between
coordinate time and
proper time.
Coordinate time is a purely mathematical construct; it is what an idealized observer who is located infinitely far away at rest "outside" the gravitational field would see, because only in those circumstances does coordinate time coincide with proper ( measurable ) time. It is immediately clear that this is unphysical, because there is nowhere in the universe where gravitational fields are completely absent. The far bigger problem is that coordinate time, as the name implies, is dependent on the coordinate system used; in other words, if we decide to choose a different coordinate system ( which is perfectly permissible, since coordinates are arbitrary ), we will suddenly get a different coordinate time, even if the rest of the scenario is unchanged. This makes the notion physically meaningless; coordinate time is only useful as a mathematical abstraction in some calculations. Coordinate time can
not be physically measured,
it is only apparent, and so are all effects based on it. It is of crucial importance to understand this simple fact.
Proper time, on the other hand, is what an observer physically measures in his/her own frame of reference. It is the arc length of the world line of that observer in space-time between two events, so it is what a clock that "travels" with the observer along that same world line will physically measure and show. Proper time is independent of the coordinate system chosen, it is an
invariant in space-time.
In your concrete scenario of a particle falling into a black hole the situation is as follows - an observer at rest "outside" the black hole will approximately see the
coordinate time of the infalling particle. In the case of a Schwarzschild black hole ( uncharged, static and without angular momentum ) this means that the particle
appears to our observer to be going slower and slower the closer it gets to the event horizon; at the same time it will grow dimmer and dimmer as the light that arrives at the observer becomes increasingly red shifted. The observer will therefore say that the particle slows down more and more, and
never reaches the event horizon. For him, it will remain forever "frozen" just outside the event horizon, but never reach it. The physical reason for this apparent effect is that the light which travels from the particle to the observer has to traverse an increasingly curved space-time the closer it gets to the event horizon, so the perceived "length" of a photon's geodesic in space-time increases steadily. At the event horizon itself the light literally goes "in circles" around the black hole. Beyond the event horizon, all time-like and null geodesics spiral only inward, and terminate at the singularity - that is why nothing can escape from a black hole.
That was the situation from the point of view of a far-away observer. However, an observer travelling together with the infalling particle will
disagree. For him, nothing special happens; his clock ticks as normal, he reaches the event horizon in a finite, well defined time, and he hits the singularity in a finite, well defined time. This time can be physically measured, so you could let a clock fall into a black hole, and at
any point in its trajectory it would show a finite, well defined reading. This proper time is the only physically meaningful measurement, because it is what
actually happens. The infalling particle
will get destroyed in the black hole; it does not somehow magically hover above the event horizon into all eternity; that coordinate time effect is only apparent, it is not what happens, only what
appears to happen.
Btw, the time it takes for a particle to fall from rest into a black hole can be calculated. I have done the calculation recently on Cosmoquest; for a supermassive black hole ( ca 15 billion solar masses ) the result was just over 72 hours. So, for a massive BH like that you'd be falling more than three days before you perish at the singularity. Interestingly, you'd be alive almost all the way, the tidal forces in such a BH will only kill you just before you reach the singularity.
As for the speed of light, the situation is clear - it never varies, nor does it have to. The
coordinate speed of light mentioned before is only
apparent, just like the coordinate infall time of a particle is only apparent, it is
not what physically happens. The proper speed of light is always constant at exactly c, simply because, the closer we get to the event horizon, the more space-time is curved, and the "longer" the null geodesics in that space-time become globally. You will never measure anything else but exactly c, so, in other words, the physical laws of electrodynamics will always hold everywhere, even in the vicinity of a black hole. So in reference to what I quoted you on, let me make it clear again that the local proper speed of light is never anything else but exactly c. In particular it never becomes "effectively zero". Thinking that the speed of light somehow "slows down" is based on the misconception that light travels on a straight line through flat space from the event horizon to the far-away observer; however, that is not what physically happens in the vicinity of a black hole.
You may perhaps also be interested to play around with this handy little visualisation tool :
http://www.adamtoons.de/physics/gravitation.swf. If you make the mass zero, you get a flat space-time and hence a "straight" trajectory of the moving particle. As you increase the gravitational field, space-time becomes more and more curved, and the trajectory of the particle becomes more and more complex. Do make sure though that you understand that this little visualisation is a just an analogy, since it is missing two dimensions.