To smack or not to smack....that is the question!

[Bells]

Bells,

Once again your distorting my argument, I never said smack them for every little thing, nor did I say it was right to do that, smacking is simply a level of punishment administered when the lower levels fail. We seem to agree on this but for some reason you want to argue with me. Tough love is doing things to your child you really rather you didn't have to, like beating it for having done something horribly wrong. Yes there is a fine line between spanking and abuse, it easy not to cross though, spanking is legal, at least were I live.

Was in an argumentative mood. Been a bad couple of days.:bawl:

But yeah, smacking is the ultimate last resort when all else fails. So far we've been lucky I guess. He's only needed to be smacked once and it worked. But it's not something we relish doing and we'd never hit him to cause him pain. More the action of restraining him and the noise of the tap on his backside probably did more than anything else.

 

[ElectricFetus]

Was in an argumentative mood. Been a bad couple of days.:bawl:

But yeah, smacking is the ultimate last resort when all else fails. So far we've been lucky I guess. He's only needed to be smacked once and it worked. But it's not something we relish doing and we'd never hit him to cause him pain. More the action of restraining him and the noise of the tap on his backside probably did more than anything else.

No military school is the ultimate last resort. For some kids their parents just can't fix them, a staff of drill sargent that they know does not love them on the other hand can work wonders! Turns them into highly respectable adults, one of my grandfather blamed military school for his unwavering use of manners, his PhD and status as a geochemist and his ability to sleep while marching.

Spanking is not about causing pain, pain is simply the consequence, spanking is about teaching a child that they "just cross the line", and that they will seriously regret doing it again. Many parents send their kids to military and boarding schools, and the kids are going to be in a lot of pain, but the parents aren't doing it to cause their kids pain.

 

[MetaKron]

Bells, no, no one seemed to be around to rescue me. How do you explain that kind of thing to your grandmother? I was even convinced for a long time that I was wrong.

 

[Bells]

No military school is the ultimate last resort. For some kids their parents just can't fix them, a staff of drill sargent that they know does not love them on the other hand can work wonders! Turns them into highly respectable adults, one of my grandfather blamed military school for his unwavering use of manners, his PhD and status as a geochemist and his ability to sleep while marching.

Spanking is not about causing pain, pain is simply the consequence, spanking is about teaching a child that they "just cross the line", and that they will seriously regret doing it again. Many parents send their kids to military and boarding schools, and the kids are going to be in a lot of pain, but the parents aren't doing it to cause their kids pain.

I agree. Thankfully my kids are young and have yet to display the kind of behaviour that would make military school or boarding school something we would consider for them.

Bells, no, no one seemed to be around to rescue me. How do you explain that kind of thing to your grandmother? I was even convinced for a long time that I was wrong.

Abusive parents often manage to make their children think that they, the children, are wrong. That they somehow deserved it. And no one could blame you for not having spoken out to your grandmother. You were a child and others should have spoken up for you. The adults around you failed you because they did nothing to help you. And that is the tragedy that happens in a lot of abuse cases. People often turn a blind eye or look away altogether.

 

[Orleander]

I don't assault my children. If its illegal to do it to an adult, why isn't it illegal to do it to a child, who is half the size or smaller than an adult? If you start with other forms of punishment when they are young, you won't be seeing them on Maury.

I have smacked my daughter, but it was a reflex.

 

[ElectricFetus]

I don't assault my children. If its illegal to do it to an adult, why isn't it illegal to do it to a child, who is half the size or smaller than an adult? If you start with other forms of punishment when they are young, you won't be seeing them on Maury.

I have smacked my daughter, but it was a reflex.

Not all child respond well to non-violent punishment. It legal because its a child: children are different under the law then adults, children can't drink alcohol, but adults can, children can't vote, but adults can, children can't be protected from a parent that gives them a mild whack now and then, but adults can.

 

[Orleander]

But adults decide to drink and vote. A child doesn't decide to get a spanking. Its done to them.

 

[ElectricFetus]

But adults decide to drink and vote. A child doesn't decide to get a spanking. Its done to them.

An adult does not decide to pay taxes either, nor does an adult decide to be drafted. But usually adults are given choices, child aren't because they are children.

 

[Otaku]

depends if your mum is hot or not.
i personally think its bad. for no other reason then i can't be bothered arguing with you guys

 

[visceral_instinct]

Godly Tips on How to Punish and Beat Your Christian Child

I just looked at that. My autonomic nervous system is messed up now from the sheer amount of rage it caused me.

I agree with Asguard:

smacking is the avinue of the lasy, there are better means of punishment avilalable. Lets look at what most kids are after when the "play up"

What is it they are trying to achive?
Atention from there parents or others.

So then if what they want is atention then smacking them is giving them exactly what they want

Whats the alternitive?
Withdraw atention when they do something you DONT want them to do and restoring atention when they do what you DO want them to do. If a kid throws a tantrum in a supermarket WALK AWAY. The kid wont sit on the floor crying for long if they know it wont get them anywhere. The problem with this is it takes time and effort and other people screw it up by trying to comfert the child.

The same goes at home or anywhere else. Put them in a room with 4 walls (and nothing they can break) and nothing to do until they apologise and eventually they will get the message.

I can compleatly understand bells case though because i had the same problem with a dog that was biting my cat and the only way to get it to let go was violonce but under normal circumstances seclusion works WAY better than physical abuse. Hell if you want to get creative put a driping tap outside the door so that all they can hear is time going by. As for teenages negotiation is going to work better than punishement because by that time you have little physical control over them anyway. Hell most 15 year olds could probably hit there parents back as hard as they hit them. Parenting by that stage is more about guidance than enforcement anyway (or should be) so show them WHY certian activities are a bad idea and expect them to fuck up. Let them come to you when they do and understand there mestakes.

 

[ElectricFetus]

I just looked at that. My autonomic nervous system is messed up now from the sheer amount of rage it caused me.

I agree with Asguard:

You do know that Landover Baptist is a joke site?

But I do like the idea of advance pain research, for example a shock collar for kids.

 

[visceral_instinct]

No, I didn't know it was a joke site.

Fuck, I'm such an ASD moron.

 

[ElectricFetus]

No, I didn't know it was a joke site.

Fuck, I'm such an ASD moron.

Come on? Serious? Landover baptist has been around for years, they even made a spoof of the white houses web page.

 

[EmmZ]

It SO isn't fake. How the Hell do you think Sister Mary feels about you besmirching her good name?

Listen, if I hadn't have heard this useful tip

Recently, Judy discovered that her son was an evil, perverted, filthy homosexural. She did just as any True Christian® should--she called the police! Then, after much prayer, she made the following statements.

and followed the link my son might still be buggering other men as we speak!

 

[CutsieMarie89]

I think it depends on the child. You can't generalize what is the best way to raise a child, when you don't know the child. Some children don't respond to punishment regardless of what kind it is. It may have nothing to do with the parents, but it is the child's own personality. In cases like that "grounding" or "spanking" won't be all that effective. Some children respond very well to punishment and don't work well off the rewards system (such as myself). And for some kids you can use both techniques. Spanking reminds them not to do things that are "wrong" and praise reminds them to do things that are "good". There's no reason that you can't do both. I work with kids and I can tell you first hand that they are all very different and don't respond to the same techniques. Time outs work for some kids and for some kids it makes them worse. Handing out candy for being good works for some kids and for some kids it makes them act worse, so it really depends on the child. I can't condemn spanking because I know that dealing with some kids out there is beyond human comprehension.

 

[ElectricFetus]

I think it depends on the child. You can't generalize what is the best way to raise a child, when you don't know the child. Some children don't respond to punishment regardless of what kind it is. It may have nothing to do with the parents, but it is the child's own personality. In cases like that "grounding" or "spanking" won't be all that effective. Some children respond very well to punishment and don't work well off the rewards system (such as myself). And for some kids you can use both techniques. Spanking reminds them not to do things that are "wrong" and praise reminds them to do things that are "good". There's no reason that you can't do both. I work with kids and I can tell you first hand that they are all very different and don't respond to the same techniques. Time outs work for some kids and for some kids it makes them worse. Handing out candy for being good works for some kids and for some kids it makes them act worse, so it really depends on the child. I can't condemn spanking because I know that dealing with some kids out there is beyond human comprehension.

HAHA, See I'm not the only one with this CRAZY notion that every child is different, perhaps those of us who have had to work with a wide range of children aren't CRAZY, perhaps we are enlightened, and its the parents with their handful of usually genetically similar kids who are ignorant thinking that all kids think alike or that all kids are like their little rugrats and thus that have a god given right to give out advice on how to raise kids and that one form of punishment is superior and another can be made total taboo, perhaps...

 

[CutsieMarie89]

HAHA, See I'm not the only one with this CRAZY notion that every child is different, perhaps those of us who have had to work with a wide range of children aren't CRAZY, perhaps we are enlightened, and its the parents with their handful of usually genetically similar kids who are ignorant thinking that all kids think alike or that all kids are like their little rugrats and thus that have a god given right to give out advice on how to raise kids and that one form of punishment is superior and another can be made total taboo, perhaps...

Yes, I know people forget that their kids are not all kids. Your childhood is not all childhoods. We are different in our personalities and behaviors. I want to tie up some of the kids that I take care of and lock them in the closet (I did do that once. He was so bad). I really sympathize with their parents. Some people say ignoring your child when they are crying is neglectful and bad parenting, but I do it all of the time with some kids because they are criers and there isn't anything wrong with them they are just crying.

 

[ElectricFetus]

Yes, I know people forget that their kids are not all kids. Your childhood is not all childhoods. We are different in our personalities and behaviors. I want to tie up some of the kids that I take care of and lock them in the closet (I did do that once. He was so bad). I really sympathize with their parents. Some people say ignoring your child when they are crying is neglectful and bad parenting, but I do it all of the time with some kids because they are criers and there isn't anything wrong with them they are just crying.

Exactly, see some parents think it wrong, other right, what they both don't understand is some kids are crying because they are hurt, others are crying because they want attention and the latter need to be taught that is not acceptable behavior.

 

[Asguard]

cutsie. Assuming thats true how do YOU deal with having your range of punishments limited?

After all you work in child care so would have alot more kids than a parent to deal with AND if you touch the child at all thats assult. So how do you control those kids?