The Rapture
- Thread starter ULTRA
- Start date
Really? Would a baby fit in a blender? He coulda put some fruit in and made a smoothie at least..
Oooooohhhhhh!
uke:
It's all going down this May 21st.
http://www.sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?f=/c/a/2010/01/01/BA8V1AV589.DTL&feed=rss.news
http://www.sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?f=/c/a/2010/01/01/BA8V1AV589.DTL&feed=rss.news
May 22nd.
Date he will set a new date.
He's a serial offender.
Date he will set a new date.
He's a serial offender.
I swore at a couple of cornflakes once.
Does that make me a cereal offender?
Yep, and you'll be brought up before the breakfast bar. But you should be eligable for marmal-aid.
Thessalonians doesn't mention this. There are many references in the bible to clouds (job 37:21), the clouds of heaven (Matthew 24:30) and the clouds of the sky (Psalms 68:34, Mark 13:26). I'm not sure any unbelievers would be raised up. There are indications (Paul if I remember) that the earth is to be the venue for this paradise. There is evidence (2 Corinthians 12:2 ~) that this is an occurance used before. Spiriting people away seems to have been a favoured trick for some reason.
THe Rapture, continued.
Billy hurriedly got the Bible out of the bottom of his desk drawer, where he had left it unread.
"Page Wun. In the beginning."
Too Late. He looked out of the window. There were fires and falling buildings everywhere.
It was like 9/11, but even worse. Much worse.
A big rock was heading bouncing towards him, crushing whole buildings in its path.
"Help me Lord", said Billy.
As the giant rock brushed past John, John gave it a kick with his boot.
"Phew, that was close" said Billy, as the skyscraper next door collapsed into rubble........
Billy hurriedly got the Bible out of the bottom of his desk drawer, where he had left it unread.
"Page Wun. In the beginning."
Too Late. He looked out of the window. There were fires and falling buildings everywhere.
It was like 9/11, but even worse. Much worse.
A big rock was heading bouncing towards him, crushing whole buildings in its path.
"Help me Lord", said Billy.
As the giant rock brushed past John, John gave it a kick with his boot.
"Phew, that was close" said Billy, as the skyscraper next door collapsed into rubble........
Last edited:
The aliens might not be aliens. They could be demons in disguise.
All Praise The Ancient Of Days
Enmos
Valued Senior Member
How would we tell apart demons and aliens in the first place? No need to disguise..
The cherubims certainly seem pretty alien at face value. I'm not entirely sure what they are. God seems to be pretty fond of them though and they pop up all over the place throughout scripture. They appear to be somewhat different from angels though, they do not appear to hold the same degree of power that angels do, who seem to be given a degree of autonomy.
The key verse is from Matthew
Matthew 24:40-41
Two men will be in the field; one will be taken and the other left. Two women will be grinding with a hand mill; one will be taken and the other left. (NIV)
You've got a fifty-fifty chance. And it all depends on who you are with at the time.
The thing to do is stand next to someone really bad.
Matthew 24:40-41
Two men will be in the field; one will be taken and the other left. Two women will be grinding with a hand mill; one will be taken and the other left. (NIV)
You've got a fifty-fifty chance. And it all depends on who you are with at the time.
The thing to do is stand next to someone really bad.
The Rapture.
Continued.
Billy started remembering all the chances he'd had to listen.
But, oh no, he was too smart for that.
He'd made John a laughing stock and brought him close to tears.
But who was crying now?
"Lord, I'm sorry for not listening to your messenger, John, and I wish I hadn't called him an asshole, but I believe now"
He heard a booming voice come from the silver cross in the sky,
which was still shining bright despite all the dark smoke from burning buildings:
"Billy, you have been very wicked, but like the good thief you have repented at the last minute.
Come and share his glorious fate."..........................
Continued.
Billy started remembering all the chances he'd had to listen.
But, oh no, he was too smart for that.
He'd made John a laughing stock and brought him close to tears.
But who was crying now?
"Lord, I'm sorry for not listening to your messenger, John, and I wish I hadn't called him an asshole, but I believe now"
He heard a booming voice come from the silver cross in the sky,
which was still shining bright despite all the dark smoke from burning buildings:
"Billy, you have been very wicked, but like the good thief you have repented at the last minute.
Come and share his glorious fate."..........................
Pfft, I'm riffling through the pages looking for the naughty bits.
Why else would anyone read a book?
Hey! What're you expecting?
This is Rapture, not Playboy. OK.
I'll do my best.
The Rapture.
Continued.
The Devil started to tempt Billy.
He wasn't content to let him go so easily.
Billy remembered his time at High school, when as King Jock, he had his choice of Prom Queen.
Of course, he chose the gal with the biggest.....
"Billy!" came the voice from the sky, "Stop listening to that devil Dywyddr. Choose now, and choose forever"
.....................................................
This is Rapture, not Playboy. OK.
I'll do my best.
The Rapture.
Continued.
The Devil started to tempt Billy.
He wasn't content to let him go so easily.
Billy remembered his time at High school, when as King Jock, he had his choice of Prom Queen.
Of course, he chose the gal with the biggest.....
"Billy!" came the voice from the sky, "Stop listening to that devil Dywyddr. Choose now, and choose forever"
.....................................................
Last edited:
Further reading has revealed that the time of the rapture is a secret known only to God. Not even his angels are privy to this information. This rather puts a kybosh on the preachers claiming to know the date of the second coming. If they read the scripture they would know this, so how do they manage to convince followers that they have somehow divined this information known only to God?
Really? Would a baby fit in a blender? He coulda put some fruit in and made a smoothie at least..
That is the same question we all asked each other as we were confronted with the horror. It was like " sick" How can you even fit a baby in a blender. I conjured up imagines of feet first. O.K. here is a sick joke for you told to Me by my crazy ass friend Ricky Smith ( who ran Me over with a motorcycle just for the fun of it, That dirty rat bastard) What is more fun than pitch forking dead babies out of a truck? When you hook into a live one . Ricky is probably the craziest of crazies I ever knew. The stories of Ricky and his escapades go on for ever . He named his son Kieth Richard Smith after the rolling stones guitar player. His thing he would say was God is Satan and Satan is God . It is all the same . God is Satan Satan is God . Then he would go do some crazy ass thing after saying it. I have not seen him for years and wonder if he is still alive .
These people almost got it right. You have to do reduction math to get the right answer: 2+1=3
Lori7 I am calling your name my dear May 3rd 2011
That would be about the time Me and Mary will be playing our first gig . You could call it the Mikel/ Mary ley line if you want . Bernice's bakery is the planned venue , down town Missoula Montana. The bottom of lake Missoula. Gypsy Blues : Put a Spell on you, Super Natural Love, You are a Richard , Ghosts on the wind, these are some of the song tittles.
Rapture ? isn't that like a bird of prey? Yeah Man the E-gal will get you and Rapture your butt with his imaginary shtick. One will get it while the other won't.