Excellent! Progress. Yes, women can sometimes tell. And that can prevent rapes. And that is a good thing. Hopefully you can agree with that.
Because in the real world it is. See the example above. Nothing more than common sense kept a woman from being the likely victim of an assault. No "getting a degree as a psychiatrist", no "getting your black belt." Just common sense.
Aaaaand - away down the rabbit hole you go again. No, I don't want women to behave a certain way. I want THEM to decide how to behave, based on their own knowledge, experience, education and risk assessment. And I advocate providing such education. Ignorance is one of a rapist's strongest allies.
Yes, that's another excellent approach. And I, like nearly every women's advocacy and anti-rape site out there, advocate that we do both.
The problem is that when people keep that pressure on women to prevent their own rapes, when obviously, it's not exactly easy (1 in 6 women raped means that it's nearly impossible), it creates an atmosphere that women are literally held to a particular standard in how they behave and what they do.
Let's look at me as a prime example. My house is overly secure. I have taken self-defense classes. And yet, I was still raped in my own overly secure property by someone I know. Other women are raped by their spouses or intimate partners or relatives. And it gets to a point where what exactly are women supposed to do aside from live in this state of perpetual readiness to respond to a possible attack.
I'll put it this way. When you get into bed at night, do you fall asleep prepared and knowing how to act if someone tries to rape you? Yet there is this expectation that a woman should know and be prepared in even the most mundane times, like going to bed to go to sleep.
It's a different standard and expectation and when women fail to live up to this ridiculous constantly changing standard, you have people blaming her. Like me. My back screen door was unlocked. My backyard is secure, security gates, high fences. But the screen door that leads onto my back veranda/deck was unlocked. I dozed off on the couch. My sister in law still said to me that it was my fault for leaving my screen door from my family room to my deck unlocked while I was dozed off in the room.. And I think to myself, err did I know I was going to doze off? No. Did I know he was stalking me and watching me at night? No. Should I have anticipated that someone could have broken into my property, scaled 2 6ft high walls, bypassed my dog and come in through my back sliding screen door and raped me after I dozed off on my couch? When she said this to me, at first, I actually thought she was right, I should have known better. But how could I have? There is very little crime in my area, it's a secure property. Am I not allowed to doze off in my family room with a back door leading to a secure and locked up back yard with high walls without fear of being raped on my couch? Where does it end? Where should it end? Common sense dictates that two 6ft high walls (front fence is a high wall and side fences and gates are equally high) would provide some security. Now I am told that having everything so closed off creates safety spots on my property, so that neighbours can't see in, so a possible rapist is able to simply hide on my property and the plants I have and trees I have also provide too many hiding spots.. So apparently common sense dictates that I remove all the walls and fences and any plant that could hide someone in my yard, all the shrubs and trees, I should install bars on my windows and security gates on my doors, especially the sliding doors.. In short, make everything easy to see and completely clear with lights illuminating all areas of my property and create a mini prison in my house.. But if I do that, then one day, my intimate partner could simply lock me in my home and rape me.. Bars on the windows means I can't run for help, I can't get out as easily.. And heaven forbid if there's a fire.. I had a security guy come to my property to see what else I could possibly do and that was his advice. Chop down all the trees and shrubs, remove all the fences and gates, make everything clear so that I can see every corner, bars on windows and doors.. And then he said I should do this if I want to avoid being raped again. So if I don't do this, I am inviting it? I want it?
It's like when people comment on how women should dress. How should we know what possible rapist is looking out for in his or her target? Women are raped wearing all sorts of clothes, so which one is more non-rapist friendly?
What about hair? We're told long hair can be grabbed, wear it up. But wearing it up also has its dangers, if it's a pony tail, rapist can grab onto that. Same with a bun. And wearing it up can also mean that they can grab all of your hair in one hand, whereas if it's down, it's trickier to, so you can possibly wrench your head away, lose some hair and still possibly escape. Or short hair, which means that it's harder for them to grab onto. So if a woman wants to prevent being raped, she should cut her hair short? My hair is short, I was still raped, in my own home, which was or should have been a secure property. Or how you behave. Some rapists get off on controlling and humiliating a woman who is opinionated and not meek and submissive, others prefer the submissive shy types. Others just don't care and they will just rape the woman they are married to or their own daughters, etc, regardless of personality.
Alcohol. That's always the big one. Don't drink alcohol if you want to avoid being raped. Okay. But the potential rapist can still spike your soft drink, juice or even glass of water or food you may consume. Or when they advocate don't accept drinks or food from people you don't know and trust. You're more likely to be raped by the person you know and trust. You go to a party, the designated driver is more likely to rape you as much as anyone else could. So they advocate having someone trusted to watch over you, drive, etc.. But they don't tell you that you are more likely to be raped by the very person you know and trust.
You may say you don't want women to behave a certain way, but then you say she should be responsible, etc and then you list what you think that entails if she does not want to be raped. What that does is apply this particular standard and a woman who fails to adhere to this..? How does she feel then?
Rape prevention is always full of conflicting advice and it is always catered to stranger rapes. Rape prevention advocates trusting your friends, etc, to help you if you are drunk, but you're more likely to be raped by the people you know and trust.
But while we're at it, why not open up the mod forum too? Open government. :shrug:
