scott3x said:Perhaps we will simply have to agree to disagree here.
Scotty, archaic or infrequently used definitions aren't going to save your ass here. We're going with the mainstream usage. No, you haven't.
I will go with the usage that I have heard in actual polyamory groups, which I have attended. Have you?
takandjive said:scott3x said:Oh, I can agree with that. But if you're secure in yourself, you can be ok being tied for first or even being #2.
You're not even content to agree you're wrong about claiming you've been in a polyamorous relationship.
Because I don't believe I am. I don't think my disagreement with you on this point has anything to do with being secure in oneself. If anything, I would contend that it actually shows the reverse; that I can live with you not agreeing with me on this point.
takandjive said:Scotty, if you can't admit you're incorrect to the general pop and even the majority of the poly crowd, you're not going to be secure there.
Again, I have actually -been- in poly group meetings and it's there that I have drawn the definition of what it means to be poly. Where are you getting this idea that the majority of the poly crowd sees things differently?
takandjive said:scott3x said:takandjive said:If my ex says certain women I know were attracted to him or he slept with were attractive, I am knee-jerk to point out they're less pretty/smart/interesting than I am, and I'm sure he'd be the same.
Perhaps that's the typical reaction. It's not mine. I have experienced jealousy, but it dissipates almost momentarily. I believe that the strongest love wants what's best for one's partner; and if oneself isn't what's best for one's partner, someone who's secure in oneself can admit it and even offer to step aside if one thinks that's what's best.
And right now I sort of feel like I'm discussing former relationships with my seventeen year old neighbor, and I'll tell you what I've told him: You don't know because you haven't done it.
Actually, I have. Note that I didn't say that I was in a threesome in the above statements.
takandjive said:You haven't been in a relationship that's lasted for years.
Sure I have. Just not sexual ones.
takandjive said:You haven't had multiple sex partners in a short time period.
Yes I have, although only one included physical sex.
takandjive said:Now, you're a product of biology and western culture. The former means that you've got an unconscious drive, as a hetero male (or bi male, shit, I don't know), to have your desired female partner to yourself. It's a breeding thing, put simply. You're biologically wired not to like your female partner screwing another guy.
I would contend that there's a thing that can over-rule genes in people; they're memes, or ideas/value systems, a term coined by noted biologist author, Richard Dawkins.
takandjive said:On the latter, you were just taught to view polyamory as the devil's own work. It's unconsciously ingrained in each of us. I'd bet dollars to donuts most of us have sexual fantasies that would be intensely hard to carry through in real life. Why do you think most practicing polyamorous folks (like, 99.9%) are in the closet?Because of shame.
Whoa! I wouldn't call most polyamorous people as being in the closet because of shame. Some may choose not to tell their friends and/or their parents (not my case), but most in the polyamorous community hold it as a given that you -must- tell all your lovers. Otherwise, I think the category most would place them in would be 'cheaters'. I can agree that this could be a sub category of polyamory but it's not one that the mainstream polyamorous community accepts as good. I think the 'like' part preceding your statistic suggests that you made it up.
takandjive said:And the fact that to a certain degree, it doesn't work. We don't have social rules for this because it runs so counter to societal beliefs.
You ever heard of sub cultures? Trust me, there -are- rules, and even books, on how to behave ethically in polyamorous relationships. An old one is called 'the ethical slut'. I don't particularly like the title and I haven't read it myself, but it's been recommended. There's a web site of information concerning polyamory as well:
http://www.polyamory.org/
Here's a good excerpt from their FAQ on the definition of polyamory:
2). What's polyamory, then?
(Glad you asked that. ;-) ) Polyamory means "loving more than
one". This love may be sexual, emotional, spiritual, or any
combination thereof, according to the desires and agreements of
the individuals involved, but you needn't wear yourself out
trying to figure out ways to fit fondness for apple pie, or
filial piety, or a passion for the Saint Paul Saints baseball
club into it. "Polyamorous" is also used as a descriptive term by
people who are open to more than one relationship even if they
are not currently involved in more than one. (Heck, some are
involved in less than one.) Some people think the definition is
a bit loose, but it's got to be fairly roomy to fit the wide
range of poly arrangements out there.
(Glad you asked that. ;-) ) Polyamory means "loving more than
one". This love may be sexual, emotional, spiritual, or any
combination thereof, according to the desires and agreements of
the individuals involved, but you needn't wear yourself out
trying to figure out ways to fit fondness for apple pie, or
filial piety, or a passion for the Saint Paul Saints baseball
club into it. "Polyamorous" is also used as a descriptive term by
people who are open to more than one relationship even if they
are not currently involved in more than one. (Heck, some are
involved in less than one.) Some people think the definition is
a bit loose, but it's got to be fairly roomy to fit the wide
range of poly arrangements out there.
takandjive said:And I'm anything but a typical woman, so let's not brush me off with that my views are just very mainstream and humdrum.
I didn't mean to imply that you were typical in -every- way. Just in the particular point you were speaking of.
takandjive said:I'm not trying to scare you off the idea of non-traditional sexual practices; I'm just saying you're talking about something that you only understand in theory.
Again, I disagree .
takandjive said:If you were saying swinging was evil, I'd be saying the same thing. Until you've done it, you don't get it.
Ironically, I actually have reservations about swinging to some extent; I have never viewed sex as a casual thing and it seems that atleast some swingers do.
takandjive said:Right now, it's merely something you would like to try. My ex and I used to discuss how we would try double penetration because we both found it interesting, but we didn't. Hence, you will never see me praise the wonders of it, although I've read/thought about it lots of times. And I'm not going to argue that a finger in one hole and a penis in the other is DP. It's an extreme example, but see what I'm getting at?
All you're saying is that I haven't, say, tag teamed a woman or had 2 women tag team me. You may take this to mean that I know not what I say. I think that even through this discussion, however, that it's clear as to who between us is more amenable to the idea of a threesome.