Swinging: Right or wrong?

[shorty_37]

So just who is stopping all this swinging that you're advocating? I know of no laws against swinging, do you? I've never heard of an arrest for swinging, have you?



As I've said before ....shitting is part of human nature, but you wouldn't want someone to shit in your front yard, would you?



So, do it! Do it all you want, no one is stopping you.

Or is this thread intended to help you find new partners in your sexual adventures???

Baron Max

Actually that would make quite the conversations with friends don't ya think....Omg you won't believe this guy sat down in my front garden and took a shit!! LOL

Find partners here? HAHA! Do you have to put those kind of sick images in our minds.

Personally I don't get the whole thing, never will and really don't care. If you are happy doing it, do it. If you have to keep asking ppl if they think it is right or moral or appropriate, maybe you aren't 100% sure that it is yourself. :shrug:

 

[scott3x]

Personally I don't get the whole thing, never will and really don't care. If you are happy doing it, do it. If you have to keep asking ppl if they think it is right or moral or appropriate, maybe you aren't 100% sure that is it yourself. :shrug:

I agree with that assessment, although some people like to ask what others think of something they already have a firm opinion on to get a dialogue with others going on the subject.

Regardless of lucifers motivation, however, I think it's a good subject. I myself am wholeheartedly polyamorous and seriously don't think I could ever go back to believing that a one on one relationship is the only type of relationship I would like to have.

 

[lucifers angel]

So just who is stopping all this swinging that you're advocating? I know of no laws against swinging, do you? I've never heard of an arrest for swinging, have you?



As I've said before ....shitting is part of human nature, but you wouldn't want someone to shit in your front yard, would you?
So, do it! Do it all you want, no one is stopping you.

Or is this thread intended to help you find new partners in your sexual adventures??? Baron Max

no of course not, however swinging is kept behind closed doors with people who like minded.

and definalty not!! personaly i have swung however i dont anymore because i have found the man who can satisfie my appetite

 

[lucifers angel]

I agree with that assessment, although some people like to ask what others think of something they already have a firm opinion on to get a dialogue with others going on the subject.

Regardless of lucifers motivation, however, I think it's a good subject. I myself am wholeheartedly polyamorous and seriously don't think I could ever go back to believing that a one on one relationship is the only type of relationship I would like to have.

then its not for you and i respect you for that, congrats, all i wanted to know was if people thought it was morally ok, i know its not against the law, if it was then they would have to make sex between married people and partners against the law wouldnt they?

 

[Baron Max]

..., however swinging is kept behind closed doors with people who like minded.

Well, regular ol' sex with ones spouse is kept behind closed doors, too, ain't it? What's the difference?

Baron Max

 

[takandjive]

I agree with that assessment, although some people like to ask what others think of something they already have a firm opinion on to get a dialogue with others going on the subject.

Regardless of lucifers motivation, however, I think it's a good subject. I myself am wholeheartedly polyamorous and seriously don't think I could ever go back to believing that a one on one relationship is the only type of relationship I would like to have.

Scotty, in fairness, I have to point out you haven't had a polyamorous relationship. It's a lot harder to watch your girlfriend or hear her talk about someone else making her come three times and then clapping you on the back and saying, "And you're good, too, champ."

 

[John99]

no because then that would not be polyamorous but to him i guess he would call that polywhoreous.

 

[wsionynw]

personaly i have swung however i dont anymore because i have found the man who can satisfie my appetite

How you doin

I haven't swung but I know a few that have and are still in the same relationships they were at the time. Harmless fun for most I'm sure.

 

[scott3x]

I agree with that assessment, although some people like to ask what others think of something they already have a firm opinion on to get a dialogue with others going on the subject.

Regardless of lucifers motivation, however, I think it's a good subject. I myself am wholeheartedly polyamorous and seriously don't think I could ever go back to believing that a one on one relationship is the only type of relationship I would like to have.

then its not for you and i respect you for that, congrats, all i wanted to know was if people thought it was morally ok, i know its not against the law, if it was then they would have to make sex between married people and partners against the law wouldnt they?

I'm not sure I understand you or if it's me that you didn't understand me, but what is it you believe is not for me?

 

[scott3x]

Originally Posted by scott3x

I agree with that assessment, although some people like to ask what others think of something they already have a firm opinion on to get a dialogue with others going on the subject.

Regardless of lucifers motivation, however, I think it's a good subject. I myself am wholeheartedly polyamorous and seriously don't think I could ever go back to believing that a one on one relationship is the only type of relationship I would like to have.

Scotty, in fairness, I have to point out you haven't had a polyamorous relationship.

I believe that I have in more then one occassion. You don't have to have sex with 2 people at the same time in order to be in a polyamorous relationship and you don't even need to be in a relationship with 2 people at all to be polyamorous. From wikipedia:

Polyamory (from Greek πολύ [poly, meaning many or several] and Latin amor [literally “love”]) is the desire, practice, or acceptance of having more than one loving, intimate relationship at a time with the full knowledge and consent of everyone involved. The term polyamory is sometimes abbreviated to poly, and is sometimes described as consensual, ethical, or responsible non-monogamy.​

It's a lot harder to watch your girlfriend or hear her talk about someone else making her come three times and then clapping you on the back and saying, "And you're good, too, champ."

I would get turned on by the watching, though I would, ofcourse, like to join in on the fun as well. As to the talk, I am nothing if not humble when it comes to such things and I despise lies. If she feels that I'm second best in the lovemaking department, that's life. Perhaps I could learn some techniques from the other guy. Something that I absolutely abhor is the idea that I should try to keep someone I love out of greed; if she can be with someone else that fulfills another part of her and I get along with said guy, good stuff. If I don't get along with said guy or if she finds that she'd rather be with him exclusively, again, her choice to make. If I think she's making a mistake, I can tell her so but that's about all; and I can certainly conceive of possibilities where I'd be agreeing with her decision (those possibilities revolve around money and politics). I will always have -myself-, up until the day that I die; and while it may be lonely at times, the hardest thing to take away from a person is their dignity.

 

[swarm]

Scotty, in fairness, I have to point out you haven't had a polyamorous relationship.

I have to agree here. I would really class him as poly curious at the moment. Being down with the theory is not the same as actually making it work. A lot of our mating behaviors are hardwired and they can sure surprise the rational mind when the kick in.

It's a lot harder to watch your girlfriend or hear her talk about someone else making her come three times and then clapping you on the back and saying, "And you're good, too, champ."

No more or less than your girl friend discussing your short comings in light of her previous boyfriend. That's a lack of maturity on the other person's part that has nothing to do with being poly.

Relationships can be tough. There are reasons besides religious prudes why there aren't more poly relationships. Sure the right people can pull it off, but you can know you are the right people until you've done your trial by fire.

Hell half the people who try monogamy can't even get that right.

 

[swarm]

its not self denying because it never claims to be an exception.

That's irrelevant. Do try to keep up.

you've misunderstood my argument. in a post before yours i already stated that my definition of proof was poor, try and keep up.

If you are spouting gibberish then it is not about me keeping up or understanding.

Get your ducks in a row and try again.

 

[takandjive]

I believe that I have in more then one occassion. You don't have to have sex with 2 people at the same time in order to be in a polyamorous relationship and you don't even need to be in a relationship with 2 people at all to be polyamorous. From wikipedia:

Polyamory (from Greek πολύ [poly, meaning many or several] and Latin amor [literally “love”]) is the desire, practice, or acceptance of having more than one loving, intimate relationship at a time with the full knowledge and consent of everyone involved. The term polyamory is sometimes abbreviated to poly, and is sometimes described as consensual, ethical, or responsible non-monogamy.​

We're not discussing semantics. I'm talking about the actual practice of polyamory as we know it. Also, never take me to school on etymology.

I would get turned on by the watching, though I would, ofcourse, like to join in on the fun as well. As to the talk, I am nothing if not humble when it comes to such things and I despise lies. If she feels that I'm second best in the lovemaking department, that's life. Perhaps I could learn some techniques from the other guy. Something that I absolutely abhor is the idea that I should try to keep someone I love out of greed; if she can be with someone else that fulfills another part of her and I get along with said guy, good stuff. If I don't get along with said guy or if she finds that she'd rather be with him exclusively, again, her choice to make. If I think she's making a mistake, I can tell her so but that's about all; and I can certainly conceive of possibilities where I'd be agreeing with her decision (those possibilities revolve around money and politics). I will always have -myself-, up until the day that I die; and while it may be lonely at times, the hardest thing to take away from a person is their dignity.

Again, until you've had even a threesome, you can't gauge this. How we like to think we'd react and how we actually react in those situations are often lightyears apart.

No more or less than your girl friend discussing your short comings in light of her previous boyfriend. That's a lack of maturity on the other person's part that has nothing to do with being poly.

Relationships can be tough. There are reasons besides religious prudes why there aren't more poly relationships. Sure the right people can pull it off, but you can know you are the right people until you've done your trial by fire.

Hell half the people who try monogamy can't even get that right.

I don't think it's so much always discussing short comings as sometimes sharing sex lives that can spark jealousy. I myself walk a fine line on being turned on and frustrated by hearing about a lover's experiences.

For the most part, I agree with you, though.

 

[scott3x]

I believe that I have in more then one occassion. You don't have to have sex with 2 people at the same time in order to be in a polyamorous relationship and you don't even need to be in a relationship with 2 people at all to be polyamorous. From wikipedia:

Polyamory (from Greek πολύ [poly, meaning many or several] and Latin amor [literally “love”]) is the desire, practice, or acceptance of having more than one loving, intimate relationship at a time with the full knowledge and consent of everyone involved. The term polyamory is sometimes abbreviated to poly, and is sometimes described as consensual, ethical, or responsible non-monogamy.​

We're not discussing semantics.

You weren't, but I brought it up, because I disagree with your assertion that I've never been in a polyamorous relationship.

I'm talking about the actual practice of polyamory as we know it.

So am I.

Also, never take me to school on etymology.

If I think you're mistaken in an assertion that I feel is important, I will bring things such as semantics and etymology of words up.

I would get turned on by the watching, though I would, ofcourse, like to join in on the fun as well. As to the talk, I am nothing if not humble when it comes to such things and I despise lies. If she feels that I'm second best in the lovemaking department, that's life. Perhaps I could learn some techniques from the other guy. Something that I absolutely abhor is the idea that I should try to keep someone I love out of greed; if she can be with someone else that fulfills another part of her and I get along with said guy, good stuff. If I don't get along with said guy or if she finds that she'd rather be with him exclusively, again, her choice to make. If I think she's making a mistake, I can tell her so but that's about all; and I can certainly conceive of possibilities where I'd be agreeing with her decision (those possibilities revolve around money and politics). I will always have -myself-, up until the day that I die; and while it may be lonely at times, the hardest thing to take away from a person is their dignity.

Again, until you've had even a threesome, you can't gauge this.

I agree that the term 'threesome' -does- denote sexual activity (though not necessarily of a physical nature) between 3 people at the same time, but a polyamorous relationship doesn't have to include this. Nevertheless, I seriously don't think it'd be a problem if it'd be with 2 people I trust and who would want to do such a thing. The problem is finding 2 such people.

How we like to think we'd react and how we actually react in those situations are often lightyears apart.

Agreed; however, in my case, I give myself a 99.99% chance that I'd be fine with it. And I'm not one to predict such things lightly.

 

[scott3x]

No more or less than your girl friend discussing your short comings in light of her previous boyfriend. That's a lack of maturity on the other person's part that has nothing to do with being poly.

Relationships can be tough. There are reasons besides religious prudes why there aren't more poly relationships. Sure the right people can pull it off, but you can know you are the right people until you've done your trial by fire.

Hell half the people who try monogamy can't even get that right.

I don't think it's so much always discussing short comings as sometimes sharing sex lives that can spark jealousy. I myself walk a fine line on being turned on and frustrated by hearing about a lover's experiences.

Why frustrated? I loved hearing of my ex girlfriend's past romances and when we split, I still liked hearing of her sexual activities afterwards. I was fine to the possibility of her having another relationship while I was with her so long as I and said other person got along, but it didn't happen.

 

[takandjive]

You weren't, but I brought it up, because I disagree with your assertion that I've never been in a polyamorous relationship.

But, Scotty, for all intensive purposes, you haven't been. It would be like me claiming I was in a multiracial relationship with my Dutch ex. Only in the most literal sense. Despite what Futurama says, technically correct is not the best kind of correct.

If I think you're mistaken in an assertion that I feel is important, I will bring things such as semantics and etymology of words up.

My point is, being technically correct and actually being in a practicing polyamorous relationship are very different things, and I went to school years ago for etymology. That doesn't work.

I agree that the term 'threesome' -does- denote sexual activity (though not necessarily of a physical nature) between 3 people at the same time, but a polyamorous relationship doesn't have to include this. Nevertheless, I seriously don't think it'd be a problem if it'd be with 2 people I trust and who would want to do such a thing. The problem is finding 2 such people.

I think it's a really fun activity. We can agree there.

Agreed; however, in my case, I give myself a 99.99% chance that I'd be fine with it. And I'm not one to predict such things lightly.

My point is, you're wrong to assume on this one. An open mind doesn't hurt, but don't kid yourself.

Why frustrated? I loved hearing of my ex girlfriend's past romances and when we split, I still liked hearing of her sexual activities afterwards. I was fine to the possibility of her having another relationship while I was with her so long as I and said other person got along, but it didn't happen.

Being okay with something maybe happening and being okay with it actually happening is hard. When you really adore and love your partner, you want to be #1. If my ex says certain women I know were attracted to him or he slept with were attractive, I am knee-jerk to point out they're less pretty/smart/interesting than I am, and I'm sure he'd be the same.

 

[scott3x]

You weren't, but I brought it up, because I disagree with your assertion that I've never been in a polyamorous relationship.

But, Scotty, for all intensive purposes, you haven't been.

Perhaps we will simply have to agree to disagree here.

I agree that the term 'threesome' -does- denote sexual activity (though not necessarily of a physical nature) between 3 people at the same time, but a polyamorous relationship doesn't have to include this. Nevertheless, I seriously don't think it'd be a problem if it'd be with 2 people I trust and who would want to do such a thing. The problem is finding 2 such people.

I think it's a really fun activity. We can agree there.

You seem to think that it would be fun.. but frustrating or something. I could see potential problems for myself (namely that there is a conflict of ideology, which can happen in normal monogamous relationships as well), but they're not the type that you mention further down...

Agreed; however, in my case, I give myself a 99.99% chance that I'd be fine with it. And I'm not one to predict such things lightly.

My point is, you're wrong to assume on this one.

I actually didn't quite assume; merely gave the odds as incredibly high.

An open mind doesn't hurt, but don't kid yourself.

I really think that if anything, I'm underestimating the odds here...

Why frustrated? I loved hearing of my ex girlfriend's past romances and when we split, I still liked hearing of her sexual activities afterwards. I was fine to the possibility of her having another relationship while I was with her so long as I and said other person got along, but it didn't happen.

Being okay with something maybe happening and being okay with it actually happening is hard. When you really adore and love your partner, you want to be #1.

Oh, I can agree with that. But if you're secure in yourself, you can be ok being tied for first or even being #2.

If my ex says certain women I know were attracted to him or he slept with were attractive, I am knee-jerk to point out they're less pretty/smart/interesting than I am, and I'm sure he'd be the same.

Perhaps that's the typical reaction. It's not mine. I have experienced jealousy, but it dissipates almost momentarily. I believe that the strongest love wants what's best for one's partner; and if oneself isn't what's best for one's partner, someone who's secure in oneself can admit it and even offer to step aside if one thinks that's what's best.

 

[Meursalt]

Scotty, in fairness, I have to point out you haven't had a polyamorous relationship. It's a lot harder to watch your girlfriend or hear her talk about someone else making her come three times and then clapping you on the back and saying, "And you're good, too, champ."

Sweet.

Now try imagining the guilt you'd feel if you were the other guy she was talking about - particularly if you regarded her significant other as a friend before it all happened.

It happened to me.

 

[takandjive]

Perhaps we will simply have to agree to disagree here.

Scotty, archaic or infrequently used definitions aren't going to save your ass here. We're going with the mainstream usage. No, you haven't.

Oh, I can agree with that. But if you're secure in yourself, you can be ok being tied for first or even being #2.

You're not even content to agree you're wrong about claiming you've been in a polyamorous relationship. Scotty, if you can't admit you're incorrect to the general pop and even the majority of the poly crowd, you're not going to be secure there.

Perhaps that's the typical reaction. It's not mine. I have experienced jealousy, but it dissipates almost momentarily. I believe that the strongest love wants what's best for one's partner; and if oneself isn't what's best for one's partner, someone who's secure in oneself can admit it and even offer to step aside if one thinks that's what's best.

And right now I sort of feel like I'm discussing former relationships with my seventeen year old neighbor, and I'll tell you what I've told him: You don't know because you haven't done it. You haven't been in a relationship that's lasted for years. You haven't had multiple sex partners in a short time period.

Now, you're a product of biology and western culture. The former means that you've got an unconscious drive, as a hetero male (or bi male, shit, I don't know), to have your desired female partner to yourself. It's a breeding thing, put simply. You're biologically wired not to like your female partner screwing another guy.

On the latter, you were just taught to view polyamory as the devil's own work. It's unconsciously ingrained in each of us. I'd bet dollars to donuts most of us have sexual fantasies that would be intensely hard to carry through in real life. Why do you think most practicing polyamorous folks (like, 99.9%) are in the closet? Because of shame. And the fact that to a certain degree, it doesn't work. We don't have social rules for this because it runs so counter to societal beliefs. And I'm anything but a typical woman, so let's not brush me off with that my views are just very mainstream and humdrum.

I'm not trying to scare you off the idea of non-traditional sexual practices; I'm just saying you're talking about something that you only understand in theory. If you were saying swinging was evil, I'd be saying the same thing. Until you've done it, you don't get it. Right now, it's merely something you would like to try. My ex and I used to discuss how we would try double penetration because we both found it interesting, but we didn't. Hence, you will never see me praise the wonders of it, although I've read/thought about it lots of times. And I'm not going to argue that a finger in one hole and a penis in the other is DP. It's an extreme example, but see what I'm getting at?

 

[scott3x]

Scotty, in fairness, I have to point out you haven't had a polyamorous relationship. It's a lot harder to watch your girlfriend or hear her talk about someone else making her come three times and then clapping you on the back and saying, "And you're good, too, champ."

Sweet.

Now try imagining the guilt you'd feel if you were the other guy she was talking about - particularly if you regarded her significant other as a friend before it all happened.

It happened to me.

You mean your friend and his partner decided to include you in a threesome and it led to the dissolution of their relationship?