story time!!!!

C

cthulhus slave

evil servant
Registered Senior Member
you know that terrible game where one person starts a story, then after a while someone adds to it, then someone else cuntineus the story, till they all die, the earth explodes, or they eat cheese and live hapily ever after?

well id just like to see what would happen here, with so many diverce interesting people. so il go ahead an start it off...

it was a typical night, 3:21 AM the clock on the right hand corner of my screen read, and i was still up... as usual. surfing sciforums, downloading illegal mp3s, and clogging the p2p networks with porn. after crashing my compy a couple times and reading through most of the interesting posts, I finished the songs i was dling and went to the kitchen for a snack, i had nothing better to do, so why not? as i walked passed the front door on my way to the fridge i could swear i heard my cat outside, clawing at the door...

-feel free to take it whatever direction you so please...-
 
So, I went to the door and opened it. It was starting to get stormy outside and I didn't want my cat out in that. As i opened the door, a black blur that I can only asume was my cat shot through the room and headed through the house as if her life depended on it. I turned to see what could scare the my old friend that badly. She had quite the reputation as a scrapper in the back allies and a slayer of rats, after all.

At first, I didn't see anything out there in the darkness. But, as I stood in the door way, scanning the night, I saw a small dog. Futher inspection showed it to be a small grey poodle limping along towards the house as quickly as it could. One of its back legs drug along the ground and I can only assume that My cat had gotten in a few good hits. Strange though. Why would she turn tale and run from such a obviously inferior opponent.

Currious, I steped out of the door into the small patch of light that was cast out into the darkness.
 
It was yo dark to see anything outside. Only by a bolt of lightning could I see IT! A dark shape more than 2 meters tall. I tried to move, but it was to late....
 
.......I had soiled myself. And as I stood there wallowing in my self-inflicted stench whilst on the brink of tears...I noticed that this 2 meter figure was nothing more than a fucking tree.
 
I finally tried to calm myself and look around. Strange, the poodle disappeared. I was certain it would not be inside the house since the door was shut; that dog wouldn't make it inside since it won't be able to pull the door. So I decided to go back inside, but before I even touched the door, I heard a faint howling, then silence. I thought it was just my imagination, so I got in, locked the door, get my cat to her fluffy bed and went to the kitchen.

Standing in front of the fridge, I turned my head, looking around my little kitchen when I saw a knife on the table near an open window. I opened the fridge first to get some snack before walking toward the bloody knife....
 
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...You might think of it as a bit odd that I would walk around my own kitchen in search of food while having urine-soaked stool running out of my pantleg...but I do this all the time. Not to mention all the skunk I smoked earlier this evening.....that makes you act strangely also...hence the urge for a snack while a murderer may or may not be rummaging through my panties as we speak.
 
...suddenly I felt a hand grab me from behind, and the other reached around accross my mouth. I struggled, but the stranger was far too strong, and had me in a head lock. I felt the stranger's huge hands tighten around my neck in a vice like grip...squeezing my throat, whilst shaking me like a rag doll. I was choking, I felt the life being squeezed from every sinew of my aching body. I tried to grab the knife, but to no avail. I tried desperately to struggle with the stranger, we tussled all over the kitchen. Suddenly the stranger slipped on some shit on the kitchen floor, (obviously which had dripped down my legs after I had soiled myself) as he slipped he reliquished his deadly grip. This was my chance to escape, as the starnger rolled around the kitchen floor in my shit, I hastily ran out of the house, in my shit stained and urine soaked skanky pants...but this was no time to be concerned for my personal hygene issues....my life was at stake........
 
The hand eventually stabbed me and took my life. Damn Terror-a-Wrist!!
 
No no no not dead yet!

Just as I was taking in my last breath....I was re-animated by the foul smell of my own shitsmear that beckoned near my face. Not only did it work sufficiently as a make shift smelling salt....but was also an important element used to renourish my body back to health. So as I lay there....slowly regaining my strength while licking my precious life-giving blood-tainted feces off of the kitchen floor......the phone rings....
 
...and the phone was the mother ship telling me that my long stint on Earth was coming to an end. All the memories that had been repressed to make my work possible came flooding back in a dizzying whirl. Immediately fifty bionic troopers dimensional warped around me with a sharp whine. Utter terror and confusion flashed across the face of my assailant as two of my guards apprehended him (for sexual experiements involving cattle mutiliation later on) quickly. Yes... it was all coming together now... It would only be a matter of time. Suddenly, a mightly rumble started shaking the ground...
 
...I look around...but it isnt my phone that's ringing....I'm perplexed. Then I realise the stranger sent to kill me, who is now lying un-conscious on the kitchen floor, covered in my shit. The ringing is coming from his cell phone. I reach into his pocket and answer the phone.

"Is he dead?...hello?...have you completed the job?....is the target dead........"

"No he aint dead motherfucker...he's alive and motherfucking kicking...and as soon as I shower and change I'm gonna find you and kick your ass!!!!"

*click*
the plot thickens.....but first I need a shower.
 
As I wiped the steam from the bathroom mirror....I reflected on what just happened. *Who would want me dead?...........What was with that weird ass "mother ship" scenario hallucination?......And why did I have corn and peanut skins stuck in my teeth??* I had to get to the bottom of all of this...so I hurredly got dressed and brushed my teeth just in time to load another bowl before I left the house.
 
I went to my garage and armed my self with some terraforming modules. They were not quite the latest model, but they would suffice. I had a feeling that an asteroid destroying earth was no accident. I could not interupt such an interesting biology experiment just because someone wanted me dead, but was too lazy to check where i really was. The amateurs.

I headed to earth and restored the biosphere parameters to normal. I restocked the biosphere with some interesting creatures and headed back to jupiter. Such a shame, earth was just about to become interesting. I had to wait eons again before an intelligent species would start dominating the earth again, and they might even never arise.

The asshole who did this was going to pay dearly for all this.
 
My first tip came from some rather strange events I had seen in the last few months aboard my ship. The computer noted the sudden dissapearence of several stars that were supposed to exist. It then began to show me that entire solar systems had ceased to be. What sort of thing was I up against?
 
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