Sex toys legalized in Texas

CutsieMarie89 said:
I don't think masturbation is ever mentioned directly in the bible. When I went to Christian school I was told that God is so powerful that even the devil can't do anything without his permission. If God hates sexual diviance so much then why did he make sex pleasurable? I mean if it didn't feel good to do people would probably only have sex when they wanted kids and that is really what God wants isnt it? Besides if God didn't like masturbation or sex toys then why would he make them so readily available in nature? :D even porcupines use sticks to masturbate.
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You are a pervert. Masturbation has softened your brain to a point where you are almost beyond redemption.

Seriously though. if it's possible to be serious about the Bible, there was this guy who spilled his seed upon the ground. He was practising coitus interruptus which later seems to have got confused with masturbation.

God made sex pleasurable to test us . just as he did Adam and Eve. You have failed the test miserably. I was sorely tempted not to write to you as I
detest sinnersl, especially those who knock on my door when I'm masturbating

Edit. I was so busy msturbating that I failed to notice an earlier post which said what I did. I'd forgotten Onan, from which we get onanism/
 
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oh god, sex is pleasurable in order to keep parents together because our children have such a long infancy
 
Asguard said:

oh god, sex is pleasurable in order to keep parents together because our children have such a long infancy
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Haven't you ever heard the joke?
How do you cure a nymphomaniac?
Marry her.​
 
Myles said:
You are a pervert. Masturbation has softened your brain to a point where you are almost beyond redemption.

Seriously though. if it's possible to be serious about the Bible, there was this guy who spilled his seed upon the ground. He was practising coitus interruptus which later seems to have got confused with masturbation.

God made sex pleasurable to test us . just as he did Adam and Eve. You have failed the test miserably. I was sorely tempted not to write to you as I
detest sinnersl, especially those who knock on my door when I'm masturbating

Edit. I was so busy msturbating that I failed to notice an earlier post which said what I did. I'd forgotten Onan, from which we get onanism/
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Oh sorry. I can't believe I forgot to knock. How inconsiderate of me. ;)
 
(Insert title here)

I keep wanting to work in a crack about what I call "p@ssy in a can", also known as the Fleshlight. The website for Fleshlight is pornographic, though, which is unfortunate because it's also hilarious:

sensationArea_optB.jpg

Six inner textures to choose from​

About the least risque I can find is a Slog post from Kelly O and Dan Savage's trip to a porn convention in Vegas.

 
Tiassa said:
I keep wanting to work in a crack about what I call "p@ssy in a can", also known as the Fleshlight. The website for Fleshlight is pornographic, though, which is unfortunate because it's also hilarious:
...
...
...
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I think its our moral obligation to send the Texas lawmakers some pussy in a can. Clearly they need it. :shake:
 
so let me get this straight, we're sending cookies to the soliers in Iraq, but not pussy in a can???
That just doesn't seem right.
 
Orleander said:
so let me get this straight, we're sending cookies to the soliers in Iraq, but not pussy in a can???
That just doesn't seem right.
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I belive you are also sending biscuits. You foreigners !

I have just read that McDonalds have opened a burger kitchen close to the front. The Old Colonel is not far behind.He knows how to take ordersa as well as give them.

Why don't soldiers go hungry in the desert ?

Because of the sand which is there. ( canned laughter )
 
(Insert tuna joke here.)

I can't believe it took the canned laughter quasi-pun for the above parenthetic note to occur to me.

Orleander said:

so let me get this straight, we're sending cookies to the soliers in Iraq, but not pussy in a can?
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Um ... "Sorry, Charlie"?

Oh, wait ... wrong war.

But, seriously, you ought to organize a canned pussy drive in support of our soldiers. I mean, I heard hookers were running as cheap as eight dollars a day. That can't be healthy for anyone. And I'd bet some of our women in service would much appreciate some sort of dildo that isn't attached to a rifle.

You could be a true American hero, Orleander.
 
Kandis Crone

Source: Slog
Link: http://slog.thestranger.com/2008/03/breaking_newskandiss_crone_reporting_liv
Title: "Breaking News—Kandiss Crone Reporting!", by Dan Savage
Date: March 3, 2008

Indeed, the Texas decision has, uh ... ramifications.

What? I couldn't help myself.

A few weeks ago Kandiss Crone, Teevee News Reporter, went undercover on the mean streets of Jackson, Mississippi. Her assignment: Bust a Jackson-area adult bookstore that was selling “three dimensional devices,” a.k.a. vibrators and dildos, which are illegal in Mississippi and three other states.

Or were illegal. Shortly after Crone filed her first report—which was shortly after the Jackson Police Department told her it had better things to do than bust adult bookstores and shortly before I encouraged readers of “Savage Love” to send Crone their used sex toys for safe disposal—the 5th U.S. Circuit Court of Appeals ruled that Texas couldn’t toss people in jail for two years for selling “obscene devices” because that would violate the 14th Amendment and our right to privacy.

Well, I somehow missed Crone’s February 20 follow-up report. The teevee news journalist informed her viewers that, in the wake of the 5th U.S. Circuit Court of Appeals ruling, it was now legal to sell three dimensional devices in Mississippi.

(Savage)
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It's actually a bit of a funny story. I missed the February 1 update and the period of ... er ... "activism" that followed.

The whole thing is almost enough to make me feel sorry for Ms. Crone.
____________________

See Also:

Savage, Dan. "3 on Your Side". Slog. February 1, 2008. http://slog.thestranger.com/2008/02/3_on_your_side

Savage, Dan. "Three-Dimensional Devices". Savage Love. February 14, 2008. http://www.thestranger.com/seattle/SavageLove?oid=511122
 
Ohmiod! They're really gonna do it!

Ohmiod! They're really gonna do it!
Someone please post this on YouTube

Of all the idiotic things one might post on YouTube, I would dearly love to see the scene in the courtroom when Greg Abbott, Attorney General of Texas, appeals before the Fifth Circuit Court of Appeals en banc last month's decision striking down the state's ban on the sale of sex toys. Abbott is literally going before the court with the argument that allowing the sale of sex toys in Texas could bring an end to laws against incest and bigamy.

​

As law professor Marc Randazza explains:

The brief is the same old "the sky is falling" bollocks — as if every time you touch your genitals, an angel burns to death. The argument boils down to this (found on page 14).
1. If the Texas dildo law is invalidated as an improper encroachment upon personal liberty, this will open the floodgates, and laws on bigamy and incest will be struck down too.

2. Striking down the law "impermissibly overrides state lawmakers' settled 'authority to regulate commercial activity they deem harmful to the public'" (naturally citing a dissenting opinion from the 11th Circuit).​

These arguments are easily dispensed with, even if you turn off 98% of your brain cells ....

.... Anti-bigamy laws are not an encroachment upon personal liberty. It is perfectly legal for three people, four people, five people, or a whole softball team to form a polyamorous group, live together, sleep together, and have children together. The only thing that is not legal is for a person to be married to another person who is already married to someone else. Marriage is NOT a sacred institution — it is a contract between two people and the state. The state gives benefits to a pair of people who decide they want to get married — for example, inheritance, marital privileges, and the like. Extending such privileges to larger groups would allow any cult or group of criminals to simply say "all 75 of us are married, therefore we can invoke the marital privilege."

Incest — same thing. There is not an impermissible encroachment upon personal liberty, because incest has effects that will harm us all. Those who are in an inferior position in a family will not be able to give true consent. Even if they were (lets say fraternal twins wanted to do the nasty), there is a very real possibility that the incestuous relationship would result in inbreeding — which would lead to more Texans like the idiots who voted for this law in the first place. I don't know, maybe if the incest took place between verifiably consenting adults who were also sterile, I suppose that I wouldn't expect the state to get involved if my neighbor made that choice.

The second argument is just plain funny. The legislature of Texas has somehow deemed it to be harmful for people to masturbate? However, since they can't make masturbation illegal, they have determined that the commercial activity of selling an item for the stimulation of the genitals is "harmful to the public?" ....

.... The only thing that dildos threaten is some ass-hats in Austin who are terrified of the fact that women will like their dildos more than their men. Given what I have seen come out of the Texas legislature, I couldn't blame them.

(Randazza—content warning)
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In the end, it does raise questions about Texan values. Or, as Dan Savage puts it,

Allowing Texans to own dildos, the state believes, will lead to Texans fucking members of their immediate families—and then marrying all their relatives too. Only a ban on dildos, it seems, stands between Texas and total incestuous, bigamous anarchy.

(Savage)
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____________________

Notes:

Goldstein, Bonnie. "The Texas Dildo Massacre". Slate.com. March 3, 2008. http://www.slate.com/id/2185623/entry/2185627/nav/tap3/

Randazza, Marc J. "Texas—Still Obsessed With Dildos". The Legal Satyricon. February 28, 2008. http://randazza.wordpress.com/2008/02/28/texas-still-obsessed-with-dildos/

Savage, Dan. "Dildos in Texas." Slog. March 5, 2008. http://slog.thestranger.com/2008/03/dildos_in_texas
 
What is rather ironic is that in New York malls they are selling sex toys to anyone at any age.
 
Imagine that, a bunch of idiots that don't know anything about Texas are trying to pretend that they do...

Simply because 'sex toys' were illegal in Texas doesn't mean that things such as vibrators were illegal, just that it was illegal to sell them as 'sex toys'.

I'm sure that it is also illegal to sell 'bongs' in most places, but there will be plenty of stores that push 'water filteration devices' or whatever term they want to use.
 
I'm sure that it is also illegal to sell 'bongs' in most places, but there will be plenty of stores that push 'water filteration devices' or whatever term they want to use
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Water pipes is the term we use I believe
 
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