Scivillage

lmao :-D

"hey, there's an engraving on the floor!"
Stepping back, there was engravings in a semi-circle surrounding the statue. Not in any modern day language. Indi took a few steps forward, and paced around it a few times.
" I know this language, it's Ancient Scivillagian, my doctorate thesis was on it. It translates :-
Move the god to pass onwards,
to riches / rewards,
but take only deserved onto you,
or gods will revenge.

But it doesn't explain how to move the rock"
 
By the side of the statues I find a pair of giant hourglasses, easely standing 2 meters tall, wierd things i ponder and wacked the one filled the most. The golden liquid inside swirls around and around, as the giant hourglass turns around its axis.

Below the Giant hourglass I finding a old sign, its text obscured by layers of ancient dusty. To clean it of I user my extra hand, gracefully leant to me by Chris O'Dork and reveal a riddle underneat.


To move the statue:

Push the button green and turn the glass of time,
one is 4 the other 7, but only 9 minutes pass there must,
before you press the button red.
​

Triyng to eat the sign i find that its clearly is non eatable, and decide to make my territory on the nearest tree i can find, but i find it hard to mark as it keeps moving around almost running.
In the tree i find sexyBlue in her hammock resting, she sleeps a lot i think, maybe she hungry, i offer her my extra hand and lower arm.

(the riddle is really simple, all you have to do i figure out how to turn the hours glasses(on 4 and 7min.) so reach excatly 9 minuts)
 
zonabi: the alchemist returns.

sorry for the departure; was on administrative leave conducting sensitive research.

whilst combining positive chemicals with negative chemicals; i became chemically imbalanced.

go figure.

over and out.
 
I read the riddle and scratch my chin knowingly. After much contemplation I announce that I think i may have the solution to the puzzle...

NAARRGH!! BASH! BASH!

I grab an hourglass and repeatedly bash the statue with it until it falls over, revealing a secret tunnel.

Leading the way, I push Zonabi in front of me and we all descend the staircase into the darkness...
 
i tear a handfull of tiger fur from the tiger that is trying to "mark" me, i then break a branch off my self, soak the fur in ethanol and use it as one of those old style torches.

zonabi scracthes his head in the dark, then looks at me and says "i could have thought of that" in a jealous manner.

we continue down into the dark staircase after a round of drinks, then we come to a crossroad, one of the paths says "death" and the other "life", the tiger steps in with his eager nobrainedness and pushes us down the "death" tunnel, the door closes behind us and we are forced to go on, the chick with the sexy blue feet is awoken by the slamming door and looks underneath her to see what is sticking in her back :p
 
"My god, that's one weird shaped branch....almost like....na, couldn't be. It's a tree. They got seeds and stuff....right?....."
No, i'm not even going there. It's far too disturbing a thought. I'm far too sweet and innocent for that :D .

I was awoken by the slamming of a door, a sound too ominous not to mean something. I notice the tigre in the lead, and i fear what that something is. The path seems to continue downwards, to the point where i'm sure we're at least 50 feet under ground. Suddenly, the path opens to a giant cavern, where the ground seems bottomless, except for tall tall poles sticking up from it. I test the poles, they seem sturdy enough. I get a small rock, and drop it to hear the echo. I wait, and wait.....and wait....and wait......for a full minute. Maybe it landed on something soft. Either prospect didn't seem good for us.
 
The path seemed to continue on the other side of the cavern. All we had to do was get over the poles together. Wheels could be an interesting element here. But even before we got that far, kunax started to jump from one set of poles to the other, pushing them with such velocity that they begin wobbling, and a few fall, causing a semi-dominoes effect, leaving us with only half as many poles as the tigre had the advantage of using. He sat on the other side, waiting for us....
 
i toss those mere mortals to the other sde of the cavern, then being a tree, i stick my roots in the wall, and sort of slide up the wall, over the roof, and down the other side, the alchemist, trying to prove his worth after the last episode, built a small rocket and propelled himself to the other side with a smirk look on his face.

i reach the other side and find that discover that with all my turnig upside-down, the blue-foot chick got spun into her hammock in a sort of coccoon. she pries her way out gasping for breath, and alcohol, the monkey gives her a makeshift martini with the ethanol in the cabinet.

we continue on, into a room filled with barrels of liqour, each one a different flavour and the ominous inscription: "take only what ye be worthy of" of course benig the brain boxes we are, we quickly drain them all into the drinks cabinet and replace them with urine before the weight sensor traps kick in, fuck we are smart.

but now we are stuck in a room full of empty barrels, 50feet underground. the alchemist seems to be doing something, hmm, lets see...
 
The tiger started to pick wonderboy up and throw him around randomly around the room. After a particularly vicious throw against the wall, i noticed a slight indent in it. Straping at it, chunks of wall came away to reveal a tunnel. At the end was a light, though far away. We headed towards the light.
 
I jumped to my feet and yelled "I've got it! Flip the 4 min one and the 7 min one at the same time. Flip the 4 min one again as soon as it finishes then push the green button when the 7 min one finishes...flip the 4 min one 2 more times then push the red button!". I gave them all a smug look..."eh?...eh!".

Someone said "yeah, um, thats great... but that was yesterday dude".

I followed the others towards the light...
 
OOT: no time for a good reply, buut:

flip both timers, when the 4min runs out flip it again, equaly flip the 7min when that runs out. Now when the 4min timers runs out for the second time 8 minuts has passed and 1 minute of sand has run true the newly flipped 7min timer, flip it again to get 9 min.
 
continueing the story, we go to the light, as we enter the light a mysterious voice says "i am god, please enjoy my complimentary drinks on your eternal stay here"

"im sorry i wasnt listening, who are you again?" - spurious
"god" - god
"but were not dead" - spurious
"umm... yes you are... *dodgey eye movements*" - god
*a door is heard slamming closed*

*group huddle*
"who the fuck is this guy?" - me
"pass, i dont know" - spurious
"he sounds tasty" - tiger
"a supreme being maybe?" - alien
"yea right, we all know that vodka is the only supreme essence" - spurious

*we look over to see a large pair of blue feet!!!*
"DAD?" - blue
"eh? wtf, i dont have a daughter" - god
"it is you, you fucking bastard, you left me when i wsa a chlid you delusional fuck" - blue
"fuck, that is no fucking way to talk to your fucking god, you fuckey little shitbraned fuck" - god

*back in group huddle*
"fuck this cunt, lets leave" - blue
"hey wheres the tiger?" - alchemist

*we scan the white roomish area*
"hey kunax, stop eating god!!!" - alchemist
*we search the body of this blue foot giant dude*
"hey a key" - alien
"i bet its filled with chocolate" - tiger
*kunax jumps on the giant key and bites it to the point it becomes useless*

"hey, look at this keyhole" - me
"dude, its just floating there" - spurious
"im a master lockpick you know" - alien
*alien picks up a rock ond starts smashing the lock until it falls down and a portal opens up*

"dude, a portal" - me
*the tiger who i am holding on a leash for safety jumps thru the portal pulling me with him, the others follow*

as we come out of the portal, looking around us, it looks like we could only be in _____________
 
...in the Coyote Ugly bar . The music's rocking, the ladies are strutting their stuff, and the liquor is free flowing. Alchemist jumps behind the bar and starts mixing some potent stuff, tiger is lying on his back, getting his belly stratched by some of the coyotes. The tree just hangs around, providing extra seating, to which spurious was taking full advantage of. Alien and me were shotting flaming coctails that the good alchemist made for us.
" A semi-god. This means i got responsibilities and stuff. I got people looking at me now. What am i going to do? I mean, it's not like i know anyone i can learn from. Well, there was that Herc kid back home who was always going on about being Zueus's half son or some crap like that, but the only thing he was good for was lifting rocks and stuff. This has got reprocussions. I need to be famous for something. Does this mean i need a costume?" I ask the alien.
He looked at me, shot three drinks in a row, and fell backwards in reply.
 
*vlayer beats record for most swears in a post...hmm...impressive...most impressive*

Before falling backwards I told Blue that if she was a femi-semi-demi-god she had to find out what she was the femi-semi-demi-god of, so she could make a costume.
 
How about...
- god of small shiny things
- god of happy turtles
- god of angry turtles
- god of oversized novelty hats
 
how about:

"goddess of blue footed happy stampeding elephants with angry snappy turtles wearing oversized novelty hats with shiny bits biting them"

i doubt there are a lot of these so your responsibilities as a godess would be minimal ;)
 
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