For the love of all that is holy........somebody please tell me what is happening. Too much people with a lot of hair. Egads what as this village come to.
Scivillage
- Thread starter lixluke
- Start date
I saw a confused barber wandering the streets of the old village today. I attempted to get him to relax, saying that it's far less complicated than it was a few days back. He offered to cut my hair, but I prefer it long so kindly refused. This seemed to agitate him further. He brandished his scissors and screamed "These are my scissors! There are many like them, but these are mine! My scissors are my best friend!!! (Can't remember the full quote from Full Metal Jacket.)" I decided that this was my cue to exit stage left. I still haven't finished the blueprints for my cliffside house and should really get back to them.
Alas I am up to date at the current events of the village (i think) . invert_nexus didn't want me to cut his hair. Damn bastard. I guess he is a anti-barberite
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Just found out that the local barbar is back in town. Makes me wonder if there's a local hairdresser. Something to come back for.
Today i started my trek, picking a direction at random. For a few hours there is nothing but trees and forest, before coming to a small creek, where i rested before reconsuming my journey. For a few hours there was nothing but monotomy, before i stumbled onto a hut, empty for apparently a long time. It had nothing significant in it, a mere few pieces of rotten furniture and clothing. Further on, i find another, with a few books still intact. After borrowing the books, i shimmy up a tree to scoop the situation.
Today i started my trek, picking a direction at random. For a few hours there is nothing but trees and forest, before coming to a small creek, where i rested before reconsuming my journey. For a few hours there was nothing but monotomy, before i stumbled onto a hut, empty for apparently a long time. It had nothing significant in it, a mere few pieces of rotten furniture and clothing. Further on, i find another, with a few books still intact. After borrowing the books, i shimmy up a tree to scoop the situation.
Not much is seen from this vantage point, but there are suggestions of civillation vaguely..... or perhaps i am seeing what i want to see.
I explore some more, and find a large area of burnt patch, large enough for a few houses, but overgrowth covering the patch. There's also collapsed huts, and a well, to which i fill up at. Drinking the water brings a strange sensation to me, but one i cannot place. I collect little trickets, such as unbroken crockery and metal utensils before heading back. One large wooden door, built into a hill, i could not open.
I begin my travel back.
I explore some more, and find a large area of burnt patch, large enough for a few houses, but overgrowth covering the patch. There's also collapsed huts, and a well, to which i fill up at. Drinking the water brings a strange sensation to me, but one i cannot place. I collect little trickets, such as unbroken crockery and metal utensils before heading back. One large wooden door, built into a hill, i could not open.
I begin my travel back.
I have spent the last two days constructing my house on the cliffside. It is still not completely done, but the construction proceeds well. I have captured the elephant and am harnessing it's strength to aid me in my construction efforts.
Padma has gone off again on one of her trading missions and I have decided to build my house first, so she may decide if she wants a cliffside house or a more traditional one. Sexy Blue has been away exploring. I wish her safe travels. Her inventions have made life far easier over the past few days, and my outhouse smells fresh as a daisy. The strange soap plants are a wonderful boon. My clothes are clean and so am I. Life is good.
(The soap plants are a strange creation. Reminds me of Xanth where one can find pillow bushes and the like. But such is life in Scivillage.)
Padma has gone off again on one of her trading missions and I have decided to build my house first, so she may decide if she wants a cliffside house or a more traditional one. Sexy Blue has been away exploring. I wish her safe travels. Her inventions have made life far easier over the past few days, and my outhouse smells fresh as a daisy. The strange soap plants are a wonderful boon. My clothes are clean and so am I. Life is good.
(The soap plants are a strange creation. Reminds me of Xanth where one can find pillow bushes and the like. But such is life in Scivillage.)
Sargenlard showed off his 19 inch long penis to the village today, solely out of boredom. The over whelmingly positive reactions were a nice amusement for a few minutes but then Sargentlard was bored again.
I went to the barber. I was glad he was back, because I started to look like a stinking hippie.
I didn't have cash so I paid him in Scirum.
I didn't have cash so I paid him in Scirum.
As sargentlard does the helicopter in the middle of town, the barber drops by and he sees sargentlard, the first thing that comes to the barbers mind is "That dude need a hair cut down under" so he rushes back to his shop for the tools needed for the job.
The barber comes back and grabs sargentlard by his magic wand, then applies the special wax he got from a hot Brasillian dancer he once met, sargentlard only manages to say "hand of" before the barber has applied the wax, just as the barber ripped off the wax, sargentlard complets his sentance "Willieeeeeeeeeaaargh".
(sry could not resist.
p.s. soap plants is a real thing)
The barber comes back and grabs sargentlard by his magic wand, then applies the special wax he got from a hot Brasillian dancer he once met, sargentlard only manages to say "hand of" before the barber has applied the wax, just as the barber ripped off the wax, sargentlard complets his sentance "Willieeeeeeeeeaaargh".
(sry could not resist.
p.s. soap plants is a real thing)
And I was rolling on the market square laughing my ass of. What a picture 
Perhaps it is worthwhile to stroll throught scivillage once in a while.
Perhaps it is worthwhile to stroll throught scivillage once in a while.
i sent a pigeon to invite spurious over for tea. we exchanged baked goods and scirum. i made the usual..blueberry muffins, etc. and the new recipe i've been working on....scirum cupcakes. after enjoying the new creation, he gave me the news from the village. apparently plants are mutating (probably from the influx of scirum into the environment), a sexy girl has developed a rash causing her feet to break out in blue (also scirum's fault no doubt), and the town whore was arrested for exposing his 19cm penis to the village elders (i'd blame the scirum but this is normal). there is also an extreme remodeling of the village layout with all the urban sprawl going on.
not one to be afraid of science and change, i choose to look the other way of the effects scirum is having on the village. instead, it's time to diversify the product line. i gave spurious a large supply of the scirum cupcakes to bring back.
not one to be afraid of science and change, i choose to look the other way of the effects scirum is having on the village. instead, it's time to diversify the product line. i gave spurious a large supply of the scirum cupcakes to bring back.
On his way back to town, the tiger jumped spuriousmonkey and tried to steal all his cupcakes, but spuriousmonkey was unwilling to part with his cupcakes, he began eating the cupcakes as fast as he could in an attempt to eat them before the tiger could, in effect entering what could best be discribed as a eating contest.
How ever scirum, even after having been baked still pack a mighty punch, so it wasn't long before both the tiger and spuriousmonkey where very drunk and all out of cupcakes, luckely spuriousmonkey had a plan, he knew where to get more scirum cupcake....
How ever scirum, even after having been baked still pack a mighty punch, so it wasn't long before both the tiger and spuriousmonkey where very drunk and all out of cupcakes, luckely spuriousmonkey had a plan, he knew where to get more scirum cupcake....
Swedishfish said:
That hurt
oi, the blue feet were from before i descovered scirum! Wondering back, i ran into spirous and kunax drunkenly fighting over the last muffin. The effects of alcohol have alot to answer for.
Yeah, soap plants exsist in Oz here. It was supposed to be bars of soap, but there was a misunderstanding, so now we have soap plants.
Walking into the village, there were few people around, when suddenly there was some guy doing a nuddy run (and more nude than most guys are) screaming. After having a good laugh i ate and returned to my hut where i analysed the actifacts i had found. Most of the papers i had found were in another type of language, but one of the books had the normal script, it was a notebook. Paging through, there are snipets of diary entries, scialcohol recipes (obviously, they knew how to live), descriptions of trees and flowers, notes on healthcare, and such like. After copying the scialcohol recipes down for spirous (he makes the scirum, right?), i took a break and went to sunbake in my usual rock
Yeah, soap plants exsist in Oz here. It was supposed to be bars of soap, but there was a misunderstanding, so now we have soap plants.
Walking into the village, there were few people around, when suddenly there was some guy doing a nuddy run (and more nude than most guys are) screaming. After having a good laugh
i ate and returned to my hut where i analysed the actifacts i had found. Most of the papers i had found were in another type of language, but one of the books had the normal script, it was a notebook. Paging through, there are snipets of diary entries, scialcohol recipes (obviously, they knew how to live), descriptions of trees and flowers, notes on healthcare, and such like. After copying the scialcohol recipes down for spirous (he makes the scirum, right?), i took a break and went to sunbake in my usual rockScivillage day ??
update spuriousmonkey - outcast
'a pigeon, more tea and cupcakes'
A pigeon landed on my windowstill. I grabbed it before it could fly away and prepared it for lunch. It was old and tough. I washed it down with Scirum. I noticed something curious about the pigions remains. It had something tied to its left leg. My curiosity got the better of me and I investigated this strange parcel. It was a message!
'You are invited to tea and muffins. Signed Swedishfish. ps. bring plenty of scirum!'
Although I just had lunch I didn't have dessert yet. Swedishfish was in her usual introvert mood and only seemed to have eyes for my scirum. This attitude changed once some cupcakes came on the table. She studied me intensively when I was eating them.
I got an old bag of goods in return for the Scirum. I examined the content of the bag on my way home. It was a large supply of cupcakes. I felt the urge to eat some. Strange! I wasn't really hungry. Why would I feel the urge to eat more cupcakes?
I awoke from my contemplations on the desirablity of cupcakes when something hard hit me against my back, thrusting me forward into the dirt. I quickly turned around and found the tiger sniffing my bag of cupcakes. I felt the threat of imminent loss of my cupcake supply. I grabbed the bag and started shoving cupcakes into my mouth as fast as I could. The tiger did not lose its wits for a single second and started devouring cupcakes too. It was never a fair contest to start with. My mouth was just to big. I ate most.
I suddenly felt quite nice. The tiger purred for some reason. I took the empty bag, gave the tiger a pat on his back and continued my way home, not quite following a direct routem, but more or less a zig zag pattern.
I felt almost like I just drank a keg of scirum, but that couldn't be because I hadn't.
I would get more cupcakes tomorrow.
update spuriousmonkey - outcast
'a pigeon, more tea and cupcakes'
A pigeon landed on my windowstill. I grabbed it before it could fly away and prepared it for lunch. It was old and tough. I washed it down with Scirum. I noticed something curious about the pigions remains. It had something tied to its left leg. My curiosity got the better of me and I investigated this strange parcel. It was a message!
'You are invited to tea and muffins. Signed Swedishfish. ps. bring plenty of scirum!'
Although I just had lunch I didn't have dessert yet. Swedishfish was in her usual introvert mood and only seemed to have eyes for my scirum. This attitude changed once some cupcakes came on the table. She studied me intensively when I was eating them.
I got an old bag of goods in return for the Scirum. I examined the content of the bag on my way home. It was a large supply of cupcakes. I felt the urge to eat some. Strange! I wasn't really hungry. Why would I feel the urge to eat more cupcakes?
I awoke from my contemplations on the desirablity of cupcakes when something hard hit me against my back, thrusting me forward into the dirt. I quickly turned around and found the tiger sniffing my bag of cupcakes. I felt the threat of imminent loss of my cupcake supply. I grabbed the bag and started shoving cupcakes into my mouth as fast as I could. The tiger did not lose its wits for a single second and started devouring cupcakes too. It was never a fair contest to start with. My mouth was just to big. I ate most.
I suddenly felt quite nice. The tiger purred for some reason. I took the empty bag, gave the tiger a pat on his back and continued my way home, not quite following a direct routem, but more or less a zig zag pattern.
I felt almost like I just drank a keg of scirum, but that couldn't be because I hadn't.
I would get more cupcakes tomorrow.
Day The next day after yesterday
I've been reading the Diary, it's of a young man and his daily life. Seems from the notes there was a bit of a village there, not that the building suggested that or anything (abusing sarcasm here). What was interesting was that there were various attacks on the village, apparently from some unhuman force. As time went on, the frequency of these attacks became more and more frequent, till the end page, saying that the few villagers who had survived had expected another attack that night. There was a picture of these attackers, and as soon as i saw it, i reckonised them for what they were. I ran to the new construction to tell all i could.
I've been reading the Diary, it's of a young man and his daily life. Seems from the notes there was a bit of a village there, not that the building suggested that or anything (abusing sarcasm here). What was interesting was that there were various attacks on the village, apparently from some unhuman force. As time went on, the frequency of these attacks became more and more frequent, till the end page, saying that the few villagers who had survived had expected another attack that night. There was a picture of these attackers, and as soon as i saw it, i reckonised them for what they were. I ran to the new construction to tell all i could.
Ahh, my house is done. That didn't take long. Strangely, Padma hasn't returned from her trip, yet. Oh well, I'll get started on her house anyway. I'll build it on the hill and construct a covered stair from her house to mine. I wonder if there's any monkeys in the forest I could use to power an elevator? I could use the elephant I suppose, but it seems somehow obtrusive to have an elephant trudging back and forth for an elevator all day. It works for construction, but not everyday life. I wonder I could talk Sexy Blue into breeding me a super-obedient ape-man. With Padma gone, I don't have anyone to keep my house clean, I could use an ape-man for a butler. Yes, I think I'll go down and ask her later today. I'm sure she'll be willing. I wonder how long it will take. Surely not too long. Maybe I'll give her the flowers I picked for Padma, they are going to wilt soon if I don't do something with them.
A super-obedient ape-man? What an absurd, and unethical idea! To tweak the genetics of life for the mere convieniance of humans? It would be simpler to use hydropower to power the elevator. I think that i have found a way to utilise water into electricity, by separation, but it is an untested theory. I will work on it, while i wait for my other experiments to be completed. I nearly have organic shampoo happening. The flowers were beautiful, and i'm sure invnex means no harm by his ideas. It is merely a male trait
Meanwhile i have the plans for a solar powered elevator in the journal, so i passed them on him. The butler, i am still working on. While I am, I'll ensure that inv nex is getting the basics, so i must tell him if he's ever in need for dinner, stop by.
The journal entry seemed not to effect anyone.
Meanwhile i have the plans for a solar powered elevator in the journal, so i passed them on him. The butler, i am still working on. While I am, I'll ensure that inv nex is getting the basics, so i must tell him if he's ever in need for dinner, stop by.
The journal entry seemed not to effect anyone.
(Doh! Sorry about that Sexy Blue, I don't know how I missed your post. I was a bit distracted when I posted earlier.)
Suddenly, I realized that Sexy Blue had been speaking of trapped villagers in an abandoned village. The cannibals were hunting them (I'm assuming that this is what you meant). My mind was so full of thoughts of ape-men butlers and maybe some cat-ladies later I totally blanked it out. I awoke with a start and realized that time was short. Bones, I thought, Bones is behind this.
I wondered briefly why Sexy Blue didn't slap me to snap me out of my reverie. Then I rubbed my jaw and realized that she did. Quite hard too. Ouch. I was really in a lather about my ape-men idea.
I ran to the pond and kicked Paul Dixon awake. "Where's your bell?!" I cried. He began muttering about doom drawing nigh, "Fermilabs" he said. I had no time for this. I kicked him again. "The bell, give me the bell, old man!!" With a grunt he reached behind a rock and pulled the bell from it's hiding place. I began to ring it madly. Shouting for the aid of the village. "Cannibals!!" I cried, "The cannibals are back!!"
I saw lights begin to light up here and there in the village. People began to file from their homes. They didn't look happy; but I didn't care. Human lives were at stake.
Suddenly, I realized that Sexy Blue had been speaking of trapped villagers in an abandoned village. The cannibals were hunting them (I'm assuming that this is what you meant). My mind was so full of thoughts of ape-men butlers and maybe some cat-ladies later I totally blanked it out. I awoke with a start and realized that time was short. Bones, I thought, Bones is behind this.
I wondered briefly why Sexy Blue didn't slap me to snap me out of my reverie. Then I rubbed my jaw and realized that she did. Quite hard too. Ouch. I was really in a lather about my ape-men idea.
I ran to the pond and kicked Paul Dixon awake. "Where's your bell?!" I cried. He began muttering about doom drawing nigh, "Fermilabs" he said. I had no time for this. I kicked him again. "The bell, give me the bell, old man!!" With a grunt he reached behind a rock and pulled the bell from it's hiding place. I began to ring it madly. Shouting for the aid of the village. "Cannibals!!" I cried, "The cannibals are back!!"
I saw lights begin to light up here and there in the village. People began to file from their homes. They didn't look happy; but I didn't care. Human lives were at stake.
scivillage report - day ?? + 1
spuriousmonkey - outcast
'No tea, no cake'
Strangely enough I woke up with a hangover although I hardly had touched any of my scirum. I was hungry but no pigeons appeared in my window. That sucked a bit.
There was a load banging going all morning. I investigated the origin of this polluting noise and found Invert and the girl with blue feet building stuff and doing things. Crazy people. Better stay away from them. They might ask me to do something.
Instead i opted to pay Swedishfish a visit. Nobody was home though. No cupcakes and no tea and no cupcakes and no cupcakes...
I felt the pressure of an emergency building up inside me. I DIDN'T HAVE BREAKFAST YET!!! and it was almost noon!!!
The tiger jumped on me on my way back and put its snout into my bag. It looked up with the most disappointing face I have ever seen on any human or animal. It let out a wild roar and disappeared into the forest.
I was happy that I wasn't alone in my disappointment.
spuriousmonkey - outcast
'No tea, no cake'
Strangely enough I woke up with a hangover although I hardly had touched any of my scirum. I was hungry but no pigeons appeared in my window. That sucked a bit.
There was a load banging going all morning. I investigated the origin of this polluting noise and found Invert and the girl with blue feet building stuff and doing things. Crazy people. Better stay away from them. They might ask me to do something.
Instead i opted to pay Swedishfish a visit. Nobody was home though. No cupcakes and no tea and no cupcakes and no cupcakes...
I felt the pressure of an emergency building up inside me. I DIDN'T HAVE BREAKFAST YET!!! and it was almost noon!!!
The tiger jumped on me on my way back and put its snout into my bag. It looked up with the most disappointing face I have ever seen on any human or animal. It let out a wild roar and disappeared into the forest.
I was happy that I wasn't alone in my disappointment.
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