Or are you as clueless as your husband when it comes to abusive relationships and emotional/mental abuse.
Here you go making assumptions again. Apparently you didn't read the entire thread before jumping in. I am no stranger to abusive relationships. My first husband beat me and raped me regularly for the first 5 years of our marriage. One rape was forced sodomization in which he knowingly infected me with a virus that he did not disclose to me that he had. These abuses stopped onlying only when I finally acknowledged that I didn't deserve it , as he had convinced me that I did, and left him to go to a shelter. I was 4 months pregnant at the time. The shelter was then abusive to me, denying me medical care and (refusing to call 911) when I had a stroke because "they didn't know who would take care of my two toddlers while I was at the hospital". Luckily the stroke didn't cause any permanent damage and I didn't lose my baby. I went to the shelter because he threatened to kick me in my stomach with the intention to kill my unborn child simply because he said it wasn't his. This pregnancy btw was the result of him raping me. It was our third child. I was diagnosed with my terminal illness, given to me by him in that forced sodomization, during the course of my second pregnancy. I was at the shelter for two months when I had the stroke as a result of the harassment I received from the staff. So I found low income housing that was taking applications and I made a plan to get in there. It required the use of the vehicle that my then husband had in his possession so I had to trick him into thinking I had forgiven him (he always said he was sorry) so that I could get access to the vehicle. I gave myself two years to be rid of him. And I managed to succeed in 18 months.
Then in my depression, caused by the myriad of abuses the first husband inflicted on me, I was preyed on by another man who was a sociopath and convinced me that he could love me in spite of my illness. He was so charming and so sweet, at first. Once married he insisted constantly that I was a bad wife for not allowing him to have a second wife since I was defective. He beat my children. Held us in Pakistan against our will for a year, all the while I was not allowed to get medical treatment, and had my life threatened if I dared try to get away. He also intentionally impregnated me against doctor orders to avoid pregnancy because it could kill me by playing mind games with me after disallowing me to take my medication for depression and anxiety; the medications kept my perspectives of him a bit more realistic. He kept me in a state of mental dependency on him in order to control me. I eventually "went so crazy" that I got as sociopathic as him and started playing his games against his mother and convinced her that I had the power of witchcraft and scared her into ordering him to send me and my kids back to America. Where he pursued me and eventually kidnapped our son and took him back to Pakistan holding him there for nearly 3 years. I recovered him with help from the State Department. And even now he emails regularly threatening the lives of me and my other kids if I do not give back our son. My son still suffers nightmares about life in Pakistan and wakes up crying saying his grandmother or his step mother or his dad is going to take him back and beat him again.
These things, though not in as much detail, have been mentioned earlier in this thread. Perhaps you glazed over those points. So I will assume you were ignorant to the facts. You are not now. So the assumptions that I do not understand mental illness caused by abuse can be laid to rest.
Given my history, I did indeed consider less than legal options in dealing with the second husband. But I still knew what was legal and what wasn't. Had I chosen methods that were not legal I would have been justified in my own mind, but not by law. I would have gone to jail. And I knew this. And that is why I chose not to do what I had considered many times.
I am not the type of person that excuses poor judgement that results in someone's life being taken simply because they were unhappy for whatever reason. Would I gain sympathy from the majority of my peers if I had done something to cause the end of my abuser's life? Certainly. Would the courts have determined me to be legally insane and therefore not culpable. I highly doubt it and I would never even claim it as an excuse.
You are probably wondering, so how does all that affect Neverfly (I doubt it since he is male and that automatically makes him a bad guy in this thread). I disclosed my entire past to Neverfly in the course of our friendship before any dating took place. Even my varying states of mental wellness in the past, as well as the flashbacks and fears I still deal with now.
He related to my pain through his past experiences and decided that my past does not make me unlovable. In fact the pain we have both suffered helps us to understand each other more intensely than I believe anyone who had never been through any kind of abuse could possibly comprehend. He is supportive of me in everything I choose, even if he disagrees with what choice I make. He never makes any attempt to control me and often withholds his opinion unless I ask for it. I give him the same respect. Neverfly is a man who would give his own life for me if necessary. He is also willing to go to great lengths, endangering his own liberty to protect me from abuse. Most people would call that chivalry. But some in this thread have labeled him a misogynist and abusive to women. I think some people view others in whatever light they choose, just so they can paint themselves out to be a victim or something something.
There are some fairly safe inferences that can be made.
Maybe, but inferences are not proven facts, are they? The courts do not accept assumptions or inferences as proven facts of a case.
seagypsy said:
We also cannot assume she waited until the 7th month to tell her boyfriend. She may have told him at 6weeks and he was ok with it but gradually got scared as time passed and change his mind.
The wording of the article is quite clear.
So are you suggesting that the article states
when she disclosed to her boyfriend that she was pregnant?
Please quote where the article states these details.
My claims only support your original claims if you're a clueless dinosaur from the sixties, but it is becoming increasingly apparent to me that neither you or your husband know the first thing about abusive relationships and the power words have over people. And as much as it galls me to say so, I hope you never do.
you apparently have not read this entire thread and have overlooked my claims all together. Perhaps you should read my words rather than taking the word of others on what they CLAIM I said. And I redirect you to the long paragraphs in the beginning of my response.
Yup. Clueless. Unless this women gets some counseling (she won't, she's being treated as a criminal rather than a victim) when she gets back out of Jail, she'll probably go right back to him.
And of course you are making assumptions about the girl again. You are also assuming that the abusive boyfriend will wait 4 years for her to get out. Unless you think abusive boyfriends care enough about their gfs to wait, sexless, for 4 years while his gf serves time for doing what he asked her to do, I find it hard to assume that going back to him would even be an option to her. While those who are abused often do go back to their abusers, they don't always. Usually they just replace him with another abuser, but sometimes, they actually come to their senses as I did, and leave the bastards and avoid abusive relationships from then on out. And yes,
I agree with you, it usually requires counseling to achieve that state of mind, but not always. I am not the norm, but I did not require counseling to escape from either of my ex-husbands and have not received any counseling to ensure I do not make the mistake again. I somehow developed the resolve to break the cycle myself. I may not be the norm, and I know I do not represent the majority of cases. But I am an example that counseling is not an absolute must have.
I truly am clueless as to how you can assume so much and claim your assumptions are supported by the little information given.
Funnily enough, to the best of my recollection, the only people that claimed that he was the boyfriend were you and your husband.
Well your recollection does not serve you well. I cannot speak for Neverfly but I NEVER claimed the one who beat her up was her boyfriend. Perhaps you are making unsupported assumptions again.
Perhaps you can provide some quotes to support your claims.
Now people have been making claims and accusations about what others have said or implied all throughout this thread but anytime one of those accusations is asked to be proven true, no one ever,successfully, backs the accusations up. I have asked you to quote me where I said the things you are claiming I said. Until you provide some proof by way of direct quotes supporting every single one of your accusations against me or retract the accusations you cannot support, I will ignore you for the duration of this thread as one who is intellectually dishonest and therefor has no credibility in the debate. (In otherwords, answer the big fat slanty underlined words in red)
Wanna know what real chivalry is? If you were here I'd break your face and let you bleed on the ground.