Mom, I'm an athiest...

E

Ender

Registered Senior Member
I finialy told my sister that i was an Athiest, it took almost a year, but i did.

I need help i feel soo bad, i have pretty much ripped my fam apart, i don't think they will trust me anymore. I thnk my life is abouit to go to flames....

Please any words of encouragement would be helpful.

I'm in a weird sence of saddness and regreat, regreat for telling them. I feel so alone...
 
Well you sound like you are kind of young. Probably tell your parents, and give them a couple months to accept it. If they still treat you like a second class kid just pretend you 'refound God' until you move out.

Your parents are probably good people, and while they will initially try and make you change you mind 'for your own good', which will make you feel like shit, they will probably come to terms with it.
 
All you have to do Ender is put your life in GOD's hands and everything will...oh wait you don't believe in GOD. Oh well, I guess you're shit out of luck...

Just kidding. I struggle with similar emotions, and I sort of have a similar situation. I suggest living your life how your heart tells you to live it man. If your family can't accept you for the person that you are naturally, then they don't deserve you.

It is important that you let them know your feelings, it isn't good to lie to people about something you take seriously.

ZERO MASS
 
Originally posted by Zero Mass
It is important that you let them know your feelings, it isn't good to lie to people about something you take seriously.
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But if he doesn't believe in God then he doesn't take it that seriously. If your parents won't accept you, then go ahead and lie about it. It's not going to hurt anyone, and will save you alot of hassle until you move out.

This doesn't mean you shouldn't try the truth first though... lying is just an alternative if your parents are unaccepting jackasses.
 
Ender,

OK good for you.

To defend your position in the face of overwhelming opposition requires an open minded ability to think clearly and logically, and to focus on the need for evidence from anyone who wants to support their claims. Your goal should be to discover truth and to avoid overwhelming wishful thinking by others in that search. It is easy to believe something that seems nice, but remember that there is nothing that says that truth has to be pleasant.

I admire your courage.

Cris
 
Well my advice to you, is to get yourself in a position to move out if you're old enough, or at least have somewhere to stay if it's really that big of an issue with your family.

I'd say don't back down, or just pretend to believe, I'm sure you understand how that could end up being a very painful situation for you, and frankly I think it'd be a shame if you had to go through it.

Just try to remind your parents that you're a person with a heart and a mind of your own, that you can only live your life in such a way that makes sense to you, to do anything else would be destructive, destroying your will spirit and identity, and would likely mean simply submitting and giving up control of your life to someone else. The same is true of any person.

I don't imagine it's an easy thing when the child outgrows the parents in this respect, when he no longer needs to be dependent on the idea of a cosmic parental figure, and is ready to be a mental adult before they are.

Good luck, I wish you well.
 
It might also behoove you to let them know that you still have good set of ethics and values and that they are (probably) still very much in accordance with their own. Contrary to the oft repeated accusation, being an Atheist does not mean one lacks moral values or will become a hedonistic, immoral, sociopath. Aside from their worry about your status in the afterlife this will probably be their primary concern.

Like Cris, I also admire your courage.

Good luck!

~Raithere

P.S. I thought I might also add a personal note. My parents are also Christian. Rather than try and address the issue with a flat out declaration I softened the blow by leading them into a series of discussion about religion and God over a few years where I could gradually reveal my thoughts on the issue. This worked well for me and we had relatively few big arguments. Let them know your thoughts rather than just hitting them with an announcement.
 
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Ender, I sympathize with you, as I am going through a very similar situation right now. I don't know if this will help you, but I have prepared for this by emotionally distancing myself from my family. I know that isn't the best advice, but for my family, I think it is the best thing for me. They are very conservative Catholics and I don't believe that they will ever accept me for who I am anymore. My mom used to be such a positive person, and now I feel that all I get is negativity. My dad doesn't even know yet, which I think is best while I'm still living with my parents. Right now I'm focused on the future - moving out so I can live freely.

My advice is to just be yourself and live your life freely.

But if he doesn't believe in God then he doesn't take it that seriously. If your parents won't accept you, then go ahead and lie about it. It's not going to hurt anyone, and will save you alot of hassle until you move out.
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Perhaps disbelief in God is a serious matter for Ender. I know it is for me because I was raised to believe this fairy tale was true and to be intolerant of those who don't believe and of those who do things the Catholic Church doesn't approve of, such as homosexuals or those who choose to have an abortion. I will never lie about my disbelief because it would imply that I encourage this sort of bullshit. I take comfort in expressing the truth about myself.
 
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Well on your personal level, just remember there are LOTS of other positive philosophies and influences out there besides religeon. You have read the Enders game/shadow saga i assume so just concentrate on positive philosophies from souces like that.

Well done for telling them - you are being honest and open, and NO ONE can take that away from you.

And dont forget Ender, you are maybe thinking about them more than you are about yourself - so that is good of you.
If they are upset with you because you are an atheist and beleive differently from them -- does that mean that you have the right to also be upset with them becasue they believe in a religeon and you don't? If you can forgive them for believing in something that you (and many others) do not, then surely they can forgive you to?

You have absolutely done the right thing, and you beleive and are doing what is true to you. You cannot do anymore than that. Good luck Ender!
 
Originally posted by Cris
Ender,

OK good for you.

To defend your position in the face of overwhelming opposition requires an open minded ability to think clearly and logically

I admire your courage.

Cris
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I agree…But I don’t think I agree with the other guy saying that you should move out because of this.

I guess to your family atheism would sound something like devil worshiper. So why would you call yourself an atheist and fuck up your family? Did you give up on searching for a reason to life? Why not just tell them that you won’t agree with anything people say about god’s existence until there’s proof? Is it necessary to mark yourself as an atheist? Does an atheist even have proof that god does not exist. (See, it works both ways) Is it worth losing your friendship with your family?
Everyone’s searching for some truth out of this world. Searching into stars and what not. I think the only thing worth worshiping and believing in is earth. It’s the place we all live in. It’s ours! and there's nothing else like it! just live your life to the fullest and make it a better place for your children.

bla bla ;)
 
Is it necessary to mark yourself as an atheist? Does an atheist even have proof that god does not exist.
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An atheist doesn't need proof that God does not exist. Such proof would be impossible to obtain. Rather, an atheist does not believe that God exists. This is often because there is no proof that he does.

I agree with Zero Mass' comment:
I suggest living your life how your heart tells you to live it man. If your family can't accept you for the person that you are naturally, then they don't deserve you.
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One of the most enjoyable aspects of my life where the topic of religion is raised in everyday life is to help educate others understand the atheist position. But I rarely use the label ‘atheist’ since you then become a target. The real issue is the religionist claims and your disbelief in them which would become apparent as you debate, and even then the label need not be raised. It is important to realize that atheism is essentially a disbelief process and not an opposing belief system. The focus should always be on the lack of credibility and substance of religion.

I enjoy such apparent confrontations although they do not have to be confrontational. A self controlled non-aggressive and unemotional approach to the issues will diffuse most potential conflict. But I agree that trying to run away from the confrontations will not always help since the issue will fester for a long time unless faced head-on. The initial objective should be an acceptance of tolerance for the views of others, by both sides. That doesn’t imply acceptance of opposing views. Education, debate, discussion, patience and time, are all key elements, so don’t expect people with long-held views to change overnight or to understand what you mean when you state your apparently new and unexpected label.
 
Good luck, Ender

There's not much more I can say than, "Good luck". What is the Sciforums score, anyway? I remember Flash converted some time ago, but what's the count on atheistic announcements?

On a sarcastic note, though offered with some genuine care, remind them that God works in mysterious ways. If they believe in God, remind them that this is the day the Lord hath made, and they should rejoice and be glad in it.

Mind you, I honestly mean it, but I don't expect it to calm anything. So I admit it's not particularly helpful. Remember to speak to them in a context they understand, but also bear in mind the danger that I have demonstrated: being condescending.

But if you can say it and mean it compassionately, you'll know what to do with it from there.

:m:,
Tiassa :cool:
 
I strongly suggest not changing your mind. It will only prove to your parents that you were misguided, being young and foolish, going through puberty, blah blah blah, you know the story.

You must stick by your beliefs! Charles Darwin stood by his beliefs. Galileo stood by his beliefs. Everyone with a strong backbone will stand by what they believe.

Write an essay on why you are an atheist. Put down all of your points, evidence, persuasive language. Then show it to your sister, parents, etc.

I find it hard to tell someone my beliefs. It is easier to write them down for me.

You MUST be strong. You get nowhere in the world by crumbling under pressure, or submitting to another person because they don't agree with you.
 
Ender,

I assume your parents are Christian...

Christianity teaches tolerance of other opinions. A person should not be persecuted for his beliefs. Perhaps you should remind your parents of this.

The problem is that if your parents are really committed Christians, they probably feel like they are losing you to the dark side. What you need to do, as I think somebody else said earlier, is to reassure them that changing your religious views hasn't changed <b>you</b> in a fundamental way. You still (most likely) share the same core moral values about the sanctity of life, treating other people fairly and so on, as your parents. You should reassure them that you agree with them on all the things which are really important.

Would a loving God send you to hell just because you didn't believe in him? Who'd want a God like that? Surely you'd have to do something <b>really</b> bad.

Good luck.
 
good for you Ender. you have more guts than i do. I haven't had that talk with my mother yet. and i'm a bit older.

hell i feel bad telling people i know that i'm atheist(err, agnostic). just this weekend everyone was bonding over talking about easter and passover and what not. and i was like, "ummm, sure i might eat some easter eggs". but i didn't want to say "oh i'm not christian, i'm atheist". too awkward for me. maybe i should though.

anyway..

good luck with all that:cool:
 
hopefully you didn't say it in a temple like i did. my mom handled it pretty well though, she just said 'have faith.'
 
Thanks for all the support. I wish I could tell you that everthing went well. However that would be a lie. They got really mad at me. They even screamed to me that now I was going to burn in Hell. My mother broke down and started crying.

Up until this point in my life I have been trying to please my paretents and be grateful for everything they have done for me. When my mom started crying it hurt, i had a breif moment of greif and deep saddness. I assured my self that it had to be done someday, and now seemed like as good a time as ever.

Again I thank you all. But I have one more thing to say:


Does an atheist even have proof that god does not exist
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The only reason why I would need evidence that God doesn't exist is because someone said he did. I can say they there are little green men in my room, and you can't dissprove it, so for a while you have to believe that there are little green men here. However if i don't say anything about it then you don't need evidence that there aren't green men here!
 
Thanks for all the support. I wish I could tell you that everthing went well. However that would be a lie. They got really mad at me. They even screamed to me that now I was going to burn in Hell. My mother broke down and started crying.

Up until this point in my life I have been trying to please my paretents and be grateful for everything they have done for me. When my mom started crying it hurt, i had a breif moment of greif and deep saddness. I assured my self that it had to be done someday, and now seemed like as good a time as ever.

Again I thank you all. But I have one more thing to say:


Does an atheist even have proof that god does not exist
Click to expand...

The only reason why I would need evidence that God doesn't exist is because someone said he did. I can say they there are little green men in my room, and you can't dissprove it, so for a while you have to believe that there are little green men here. However if i don't say anything about it then you don't need evidence that there aren't green men here!
 
Ender, you done well. I am extremely proud of you, for standing up for what you believe in.

Not many men (or women) can say that they withstood pressure and stood up for what they believed in, no matter what the cost. A true person will stand by his principles and do/think what is right no matter what.

You must talk to your parents and make them see your side of the story. Go with my idea and write an essay. I seriously doubt you will be able to talk about your disbelief with them.

Ask them why their all loving god would send you to hell (or even care about anyone worshipping him for that matter)
 
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