Jokes and Funny Stories II
- Thread starter Billy T
- Start date
A wealthy man decided to go on a safari in Africa. He took his faithful pet dog along for company. One day the dog starts chasing butterflies and before long he discovers that he is lost. So, wandering about he notices a leopard heading rapidly in his direction with the obvious intention of having lunch.
The dog thinks, "Oh Damn, I'm in deep shit now." ( He was an Irish Setter)..... Then he noticed some bones on the ground close by, and immediately settles down to chew on the bones with his back to the approaching cat.
Just as the leopard is about to leap, the dog exclaims loudly, "DAMN, that was one delicious leopard. I wonder if there are any more around here?"
Hearing this the leopard halts his attack in mid stride, as a look of terror comes over him, and slinks away into the trees. "Whew", says the leopard, "That was close. That dog nearly had me."
Meanwhile, a monkey who had been watching the whole scene from a nearby tree, figures he can put this knowledge to good use and trade it for protection from the leopard. So, off he goes. But the dog saw him heading after the leopard with great speed, and figured that something must be up.(Irish paranoia) The monkey soon catches up with the leopard, spills the beans and strikes a deal for himself with the leopard. The leopard is furious at being made a fool of and says, "Here monkey, hop on my back and see what's going to happen to that conniving canine."
Now the dog sees the leopard coming with the monkey on his back, and thinks "What the hell am I going to do now?" But instead of running, the dog sits down with his back to his attackers pretending he hasn't seen them yet. And just when they get close enough to hear, the dog says, "Where's that damn monkey. I just can never trust him. I sent him off half an hour ago to bring me another leopard, and he's still not back!!"
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The dog thinks, "Oh Damn, I'm in deep shit now." ( He was an Irish Setter)..... Then he noticed some bones on the ground close by, and immediately settles down to chew on the bones with his back to the approaching cat.
Just as the leopard is about to leap, the dog exclaims loudly, "DAMN, that was one delicious leopard. I wonder if there are any more around here?"
Hearing this the leopard halts his attack in mid stride, as a look of terror comes over him, and slinks away into the trees. "Whew", says the leopard, "That was close. That dog nearly had me."
Meanwhile, a monkey who had been watching the whole scene from a nearby tree, figures he can put this knowledge to good use and trade it for protection from the leopard. So, off he goes. But the dog saw him heading after the leopard with great speed, and figured that something must be up.(Irish paranoia) The monkey soon catches up with the leopard, spills the beans and strikes a deal for himself with the leopard. The leopard is furious at being made a fool of and says, "Here monkey, hop on my back and see what's going to happen to that conniving canine."
Now the dog sees the leopard coming with the monkey on his back, and thinks "What the hell am I going to do now?" But instead of running, the dog sits down with his back to his attackers pretending he hasn't seen them yet. And just when they get close enough to hear, the dog says, "Where's that damn monkey. I just can never trust him. I sent him off half an hour ago to bring me another leopard, and he's still not back!!"
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egrets
I've had a few
but then
too few to mention
A couple is on their way to the hospital to have twins when they're in a car accident. The husband wakes up in a hospital bed. His brother is in the room and he says, "Don't worry. You're going to be fine and your wife is going to be fine. The twins have been born and they're going to be fine."
The husband is relieved but then his brother adds, "There's just one thing.... The hospital staff were in a hurry to register the births and since you and your wife were both unconscious, I named the twins for you."
The husband, knowing his brother has a strange sense of humour, asks with some trepidation, "What did you name them?"
"Well, I named your daughter Deniece."
"Hmm, that's a nice name," the husband admitted. "What did you name my son?"
"Denephew."
