When so many men have a sexual need for men, what makes some men accept their need and be comfortable with it as 'gay' men, and others to hide them, or indulge in them secretly or suppress them or become hostile to them?
There answers to it.
One reason, and the biggest reason is biological gender. Feminine gendered men find solace in the 'gay' identity, and even otherwise, the society accepts sexual feelings for men if it is accompanied by a feminine gender. It just fits in the social mechanism for men's oppression.
Masculine gendered men on the other hand find it difficult to express or accept their sexual feelings for men, because the society has no place for their masculine gender along with their sexual feelings for them. They are supposed to make a choice, and the choice in most cases is their masculine gender.
Except in some cases, which is the second reason why some men are able to accept their sexual feelings, despite the hostilities. This is when an otherwise masculine gendered man has experienced sex with a man in his childhood/ adolescence (what the society calls sexual abuse) --- i.e. before a social hatred or fear of his sexual feelings for men has been formed.
If he has done that it becomes difficult for him to forget the pleasant/ positive experience which gives him the motives or inspiration to fight off social pressures or to adjust to them by leading a double life.