SVRP said:
C20
Like Jenyar, I was also quite drawn in by your postings & responses to the others who are critical of your testimony and to the ones who have questions about the event that you say has had an effect on your life. At the very least you seem to be showing respect to others who have different viewpoints.
However, my questions to you are these: What do you think (or feel or
believe) happened to you that time? What fact can you point to that will support what you think (or feel or believe) happened to you? Have you ever thought another explanation could rationally explain what happened to you at that time other than what you think (or feel or believe)?
Good questions again and I will try and be as objective as possible.
:bugeye:
What do I 'think' happened to me ...
I think that God chose me to receive His spirit.
I could not receive that Spirit and begin my life as a new creation unless I actually invited Jesus into my life. This was something that under normal circumstances I was
very very unlikely to do. I was way too caught up in the world and its vices to think about hokey pokey Jesus and his bible bashing fanatics.
When the 'fanatics' came into my house, I could not deny that they were not fanatics but just ordinary people with a story to tell similiar to my own. They were OK, friendly enough but there was nothing about them that made me want to get down and praise the Lord. Frustration took me to that point where I took all my doubts to 'Jesus' and asked him to show me hiself despite my doubts etc. At the time that I did, my pure understanding was that this was utter madness and nothing was gonna happen. I had no expectations at all. Truthfully I expected no miracle, no voice in my mind, no healing nothing. I actually wanted to say 'OK lads I feel better now.' just so they would get me the hell home. I think God poured out his Spirit on me when I took my doubts to Jesus. I gave Him an invitation and He kept His promise and responded. Thats what I think happened. I cannot fully explain the experience either in physical terms or mental / feeling terms because it is just so hard to do. I felt like I had been plucked from the world and had become immersed in a river of blood. The blood washed over me, warm and thick and as it did it penetrated everything that I was both physically and emotionally. I must have lost physical consciousness briefly because I fell backwards but I was not afraid and I was 'awake' in my mind all the time. There was nothing to be afraid of anymore - I felt like this was the end of my life, I was dead and yet there was so much more and the more was better. I remember feeling like such a dick because I had not believed and I remember hearing / feeling that I should not beat myself up about this because God was so happy I had come home.
Heres a whole bunch of Holy Spirit outpouring references from the bible ..
http://www.bibletopics.com/topics/366.htm
Thats what I think happened to me.
What facts can I say point to my being a new creation after being baptised in the Spirit ...
Well...
This may be a little glib but my old self prior to this event would have 'well taken the piss' out of Christians on a SciForums type website. I would have loved to try and kick their feeble religous walking sticks away from them. I just couldnt do that now because of this deep conviction I have of the truth. I probably would have killed the wife who cheated on me along with my cheating friend. I had never been known for my tolerance of people who betrayed me. I could give examples but it would not be appropriate or substantiated. What I am trying to say is my nature changed after that day. Not all in one go but after time as I learned new things about myself and God. I started hating the things I loved to do such as ripping those easy to knock over Christian types and I started to love the things I hated to do such as being 'selfless'. I was very selfish before the event.
I suffered my divorce. Really suffered. I suffered because I was being forcebly seperated from my daughter who had become everything to me. The new love that was in my heart found so much time for my daughter.
Rather than being angry as I would have once been, I wrestled that anger with God. Why build me up to knock me down? I came to understand that my ex wife could do as she pleased and God was there to support me in my pain, not force my ex wife to be faithful to me. When i came to understand that I was able to see my daughter again and be stable for her.
I appreciate these facts are unsubstatiated. Hopefully you will take me at my word
And now for the interesting one ...
Have you ever thought another explanation could rationally explain what happened to you at that time other than what you think (or feel or believe)?
Of course!!! Boy I had taken enough psychedelics to make a Shaman sit down and wonder wtf it was all about. My rational mind ( please dont let me be a Christian!) wanted to present a 'flashback' as the most probable cause of the event but this caused major internal conflict. If it was a flashback how had I had a revelation about the blood? How come I felt 'better' after the experience? Why was my mind clearer than it had been in years? Why did I see people in a different light? Those happy clappy Christians no longer looked like disjointed people with nothing better to do on a Sunday, they looked happy and 'United'. My eyes were open to a number of things like that. I had always viewed people like that with a degree of suspicion, in fact I held most people in contempt such was my arrogance. The arrogance had left me. This was not the case on drugs. Drugs fuelled my arrogance typically.
I tried again to rationalise ( Christians are ridiculed for God's sake - please dont let this be true) that how was I to know the effects of drugs on my mind long term? This could be drugs, had to be drugs!! But it wasnt.
I am a changed person. Changed from the inside out. Drugs dont make you a better person and whilst not perfect (no where near lol ) I think I am a better person than I was before my experience. Again close friends would testify to this. Some even offered their lives to Christ as a result of seeing the change in me and as a result are themselves changed.
I hope I answered your questions correctly. If I have missed anything please let me know.
peace
c20 :m: