look to your self
As a separate choice you may wish to look into Druidism.
As a path in life or a belief system it has worked for me. it's a spiritual way of thinking rather then a practiced religion. Though it does not embrace any specific code or doctrine it is similar to Wiccan/Pagan beliefs on one side and Buddhism on the other. Here is a link that can give you the basic idea:
http://www.druidry.org/modules.php?op=modload&name=PagEd&file=index&topic_id=1&page_id=30
Though this path is solitary {as is life} and it *seems that you are looking to others to share in your belief structure.
I would be leery to jump into any religion that would surround you with people you do not know who share a belief you are not sure about. Doing such a thing could not only lead you down the wrong path, it could lead you to the end of yours. Be careful.
My suggestion is look into what YOU believe/feel is the right spiritual mind set for YOU. Then look on the net for more information to lead your path. Good luck!
As for having to be Pagan or Christian NOT both, I laugh
Pagan beliefs are so interconnected with Christian doctrine it is not even funny. I was born and raised Roman Catholic. I still attend mass,
{sometimes :shrug:} BUT I follow my own path while still believing in the BASIC principles and beliefs as the Christian main stream.
One of my favorite portions of the Bible is Matthew 6:1, 6:5, and 6:6.
6:1 “Beware of practicing your righteousness before men to be noticed by them; otherwise you have no reward with your Father who is in heaven."
6:5 “When you pray, you are not to be like the hypocrites; for they love to stand and pray in the synagogues and on the street corners so that they may be seen by men. Truly I say to you, they have their reward in full."
6:6 “But you, when you pray, go into your inner room, close your door and pray to your Father who is in secret, and your Father who sees what is done in secret will reward you."