Advice:

C

Cactus Jack

Death Knight of Northrend
Registered Senior Member
Allright here's the scenerio: You're a guy that went out with this girl a year ago and you two thought you were really in love, your relationship lasted for two years then ended terribly........ I mean you absolutely despised the way it ended, put you in a tail spin, and to this day you dislike and are weirded out by the girl you went with. Though you really wish to reconcile about how it ended.

So that's the background, the question is: Would you feel stabbed in the back if your best friend went out with her? Even if hes never been in a relationship before?
 
Dude are you talking about who I think you are? There's like a thousand other girls in the school, don't pick her.
 
If the prior relationship was dud for you in how it ended, be glad you are not back in that position.

As for your friend, how good of a friend is he? This is your freind and you must make a decision. If the "lady in question" really got to you that bad then finish it and let go of her. You have no claims upon her now. Your friend did not betray you, as by your own words it has been some time since the breakup occured. It is time to put to rest the hurt you have toted around. It is over, let it go. You nor she should make the event the end of your romantic life.

In passing, one other word of advice. Do not spout off to him about the way things were. It will only cause hard feelings where there should be none.
 
Thanx Wet 1, That's awesome advice. But you know sometimes its really hard to let go of something like that. Especially if you had no absolution.
 
Honestly, if you are referring to yourself as having been in the relationship that ended bitterly (and this best friend is your's), I would have a very serious talk with him and tell him it is your wish that he not get involved with her.

Any type of relationship he might have with her could only lead to serious trouble between the 3 of you.

What if he asks you to go to dinner with him one night and she is going with him? How do you think the 3 of you will react that night sitting at a dinner table looking at each other?

What if she decides she wants to break up with him, and the best way to do it is make up a lie about how she slept with you last week?

There's absolutely nothing good that could come from it. There could be constant mistrust, and each one of the three of you could wind up fighting over another.

If you are not looking to sort your problems out and get back together with her - if they go out, you are putting your friendship with him at serious risk.

This is not a good situation. I would recommend you be honest with your friend about some of the possible problems that might occur if he decides to go out with her. There's plenty of other women out there for him.
 
I would add one more thought to this from past experiences.

Sometimes women find that you and your friends share the same charcteristics that are attractive to them. It is unlikely this will be the last time you deal with this sort of situtation.

It boils down to how much of a man are you? How true are you to yourself and your friends?

At this stage it is too late to counsel your friend upon your experiences. Likely their experiences won't be as yours were. Any attempt to interfer will result in hard feeling towards you as the interloper. It will draw them closer together as they band against you. That is human nature. If you do not believe it, be prepared to give up your friend and try it.

If you feel uncomfortable with your friend and ex then refuse a dinner engagement. You do not have the right to decide if the lady is right for him or he for her. That is their decision.

You will never always get resolution to the end of a relationship. Sometimes it happens that way. You accept things for how they are and go on. It is all you can do when you are left hanging. The world does not always work according to how we wish. It has its own priorities.

No matter how you deal with the situtation, I wish you good luck.
 
Well, see first off this situation isn't happening and isn't likey to happen soon. Just recent events made me think about it. Second I'm the friend in the story. Third she really screwed with his head, and did kinda screw around in the literal sense also.
 
Nope, see Its my best friend that needs the closure. I'm the dude thats being hit on and very confused by it. But like I said I don't see it as a problem - shes just one of those people that gives off sexual energy and after breaking up with another boyfriend shes probably is gonna flirt a lot anyway. Oh well, I'm weirded out.
 
I wouldn't do it if you care about your friend.

Thing is, if she is a bitter and mean person, and still dislikes him on to this day (like still has animosity towards him, maybe makes an effort to prank call his house once a week, and still has thoughts of anger) she's going to want to get back at him.

She might lie to you and tell you he called her a few days back and insulted her using nasty names and hurt her feelings. She would just be trying to take advantage of the fact that you are her boyfriend, and she would expect you to stick up for her and confront him about it. Then of course he's going to say her accusation is not true and it's going to result in a conflict somewhere.

I can't see anything good coming from it.

Remember, this guy is your best friend. I would take it you've been friends for awhile. Nothing has happened between you and this girl. No relationship has been formed. I feel I would owe the obligation to my best friend who it has probably taken a long time to build up trust with, rather than some girl who was flirting with me (there's no deep emotion going on there if girl is just messing with you, I don't think she'd go home crying if you reject her - especially if it is over sex).

From what it sounds like she is not all that great anyway.
 
(look up) seems to have some good ideas.
this is similar to but not the scenario.
even if he hated me,
i would not recomend it,
pollux seems to agree that she just a bit...
odd
 
Yeah, hes serious. I didn't want to talk about him without his consent though. We're best friends. He went out with the girl, I'm the one thats being hit on and am really confused.
 
Yeah, she definetly is. I don't know for what reason, just that I'm not imagining it.
 
Oh well..... The truth is the girl we're talking about is incredibly good at driving guys crazy - In EVERY sense of the word.
 
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