Okay.
I know people just like Jan, often very troubled, unhappy, usually in loveless marriages or divorced. In a job where no one bothers them, usually can't get along with co-workers and often addicted to something or other. Many have mental disorders, but without actually meeting Jan, it's hard to tell. Here, on these forums, is a release for him where he can say all the things he can't say to anyone in person for fear of ridicule and alienation. Probably a really hard life and his Bible is his only solace.
It's possible, but my own suspicion is that Jan is or was probably a member of some fringe religion such as the Hare Krishnas.
Here's an imaginary tale that I shall title "The life of Jan".
Jan grew up with religious parents, but was never really satisfied with his parents' religion. It is possible that the family had problems, but not necessarily the case. Jan was a bright boy who gained a decent education. But he was always searching for spiritual fulfilment. Then, one day as he was walking into the train station, Jan met a group of Hare Krishas. Jan's own background up to that point was primarily Christian, but he had developed an interest in "Eastern" religious beliefs, possibly as a result of travel or possibly because he was on a spiritual quest. So, Jan collected the literature and chatted with the Hare Krishnas. He was invited to come to a gathering or service or temple (or whatever they have). Jan was intrigued to find out more, so he read up and talked to his new friends. At some point, Jan decided to join the faith himself.
As a new convert, Jan was eager to pass out the literature of the faith and to try to convert others. Jan became a True Believer. The problem was, certain aspects of the lifestyle didn't sit right with Jan. Also, he kept reading and, as he did so, he began to question whether the Krishnas really had all the answers. It seemed to Jan that some elements of his old Christianity (including things from the bible) fit Jan's worldview better than some of the official positions of his new faith. Besides, life started getting in the way, and Jan didn't really want to dedicate his entire life to spreading one religion. Especially after the internet became a thing, Jan gradually found that it was just as satisfying for him to preach his own version of the faith online, and it was also far less time consuming than regularly attending gatherings of the faithful.
Things went on for a number of years while Jan remained in touch with his religious community. But he found that parts of his original faith no longer satisfied him. His own views seemed to be better supported by a variety of the "scriptures" he spent long nights pouring through. So, Jan gradually drifted away from official activity within the faith, although never feeling like he needed to entirely make a clean break with his old comrades. After all, there was still much in the Krishna faith that Jan admired and agreed with, and there was no need to alienate those people who had helped to change his inner religious life for the better.
On the internet, Jan discovered people who were willing to engage with Jan's own ideas. In Jan's view, a lot of those people just had no idea about what belief in God should really mean. He found that, due to his background, he could speak with an assumed authority born of experience. He could preach the word. He could unify all the faiths and show the people all gods are One. He could be the prophet of the God he had constructed for himself.
One day, Jan discovered a forum called sciforums. To his surprise, some prominent voices there were openly asserting that religion is nonsense and there isn't even a God! Jan's mission suddenly hit him. He would show these godless heathens what a real Man of Religion looks like. He would put the atheists in their place by telling them that they know nothing of God. He would explain how there are no real atheists, only deniers of the One God, Jan's God. But he wouldn't get bogged down in matters of fact or evidence. He would ignore those. He would be the Wall that will not budge. His faith would not waver, no matter what the atheists said. He would certainly not lower himself to learning about mere human science, as if that matters.
And yet, as the years went by, Jan's faith
did waver, in spite of himself. Some nights, Jan lay in his bed thinking over conversations that he had had on sciforums. A niggling voice in his head would say things like "The atheists have a point here" and "That thing about the need for objective evidence - it
almost sounds sensible." But then, the angel on Jan's other shoulder would tell him not to concern himself with these mere trifles. The voice in his head would say "Jan, my child, I am your God. I am YOUR God. Nothing else really matters." And for a while, Jan could forget.
Then, one day, something just clicked in Jan's head. He didn't know why. Maybe it was those niggling conversations that he was unable to forget, no matter how hard he wanted to. Maybe he'd found out too much about science, accidentally. Maybe he had just allowed himself to
think too much, rather than just submitting to his God, which had always worked to quell his doubts before. Whatever the reason, something worried him:
what if I've been wrong all this time?
From that day on, there was no turning back for Jan. Probably the scientists and the atheists were wrong, but
if they were wrong then it should be possible to prove them wrong on their own ground. Jan decided to learn some science. He started by reading some introductory material on evolution. Looking at it with new eyes, Jan found that rather than it being dogmatic, it actually made logical sense. But where did that leave God? What if human beings really
did have ape-like ancestors? Where would that leave God and his Special Creation?
The more Jan read the scientific and atheist literature, hoping to find errors of fact, the more he found himself thinking in an unfamiliar way. Then one day another revelation hit Jan:
what if I don't know
what I've assumed I've known all these years? It was unsettling: the idea that his own religious faith might not be objective knowledge. Jan wondered if he should
check that beliefs he had held unquestioningly from his Hari Krishna days were actually evidence based.
Time went on and Jan found himself becoming honest, really for the first time, with
himself about what he really knew and what he could not show. To cut a long story short, over the next year Jan de-converted. He even apologised to some of his former opponents on the internet for what he now recognised as his own prior deliberate dishonesty. With some regret, looking back, he realised that if he had only been honest with
himself back then, he could have been living a reality-based existence long ago.
Jan became a happier man than he had ever been before. He lost a lot of the anger that went with the need to defend his own personal religion, and he made lots of new friends. Occasionally he struggled with guilty feelings about the religion he had lost, but he recognised that these were only partly his own fault and over time they diminished. Jan died a happy atheist, comfortable with his place in the real world.