Which Sciforums Member has the Coolest Signature (Take that everybody else)
- Thread starter Neutrino_Albatross
- Start date
It's more of a play on words but I really want to get the picture of droplets of blood dribbling off of his sword (this person, Talthath, has been in a bloody battle for several hours and has killed many people). Blood drenched just doesn't do it for me.
Talthath turned to the blinding flashes and roaring firefights in the distant streets, lifted his blood-drenched sword, and shouted:
“Onward!”
Talthath turned to the blinding flashes and roaring firefights in the distant streets, lifted his dripping sword, and shouted:
“Onward!”
either of these sounds about 200% better to me.
“Onward!”
Talthath turned to the blinding flashes and roaring firefights in the distant streets, lifted his dripping sword, and shouted:
“Onward!”
either of these sounds about 200% better to me.
But anyhoo, if I were reading this book and I came across the phrase "Talthath turned to the blinding flashes and roaring firefights in the distant streets, lifted his blood-dribbled sword..." I would probably burst out laughing. (No offense) I mean, "dribbled" just sounds rather humourous in a situation like that one.
It just doesn't fit.
It just doesn't fit.
kung phooey
!
!
Ben...er, lesion, I don't want it to sound threatening, I want it to sound good. It sounds good. Blood dribbled is something unique, something you'd never read anywhere else. Blood drenched is not original, it is in the mainstream, you could find a hundred books with that phrase in it. I want to articulate the blood slowly flowing off of the sword as he moves it through the air, blood drenched, blood dripping off of, whatever, it doesnt work as perfectly as blood dribbled does. You don't see blood, well, dribbling off of a sword like water does off of an icicle with any other word. I want droplets, small droplets, not giant gushing slabs of liquid flailing off like goo.
He has been fighting for a long time but has paused, giving the blood ample time to stop falling and start dribbling. Frankly I don't give a sh*t if you think it describes dog slobber, part of being a writer is forming sentences that readers can relate to in different ways, so they can see the picture the way you want them to see it. It doesn't work out perfectly with everyone I guess, some people associate different words with different things. Dribble is like water coming off of an icicle or a restrained faucet. Drenched is too much, and drip is a weaker synonym of dribble.
Goofy, you're right. Damn yer good
But lesion, in this case, you can kiss my ass
He has been fighting for a long time but has paused, giving the blood ample time to stop falling and start dribbling. Frankly I don't give a sh*t if you think it describes dog slobber, part of being a writer is forming sentences that readers can relate to in different ways, so they can see the picture the way you want them to see it. It doesn't work out perfectly with everyone I guess, some people associate different words with different things. Dribble is like water coming off of an icicle or a restrained faucet. Drenched is too much, and drip is a weaker synonym of dribble.
Goofy, you're right. Damn yer good
But lesion, in this case, you can kiss my ass
Wrong dude. See blood dribbled may not be the coolest word but beats the living hell out of the other suggestions. You guys are wrong - Pollux is correct.