i was thinking the other day how beautiful the concept of jesus christ was. that a human being could personify such purity, wisdom and love, like the perfect man. there are people like that who are very selfless and devote their life to charity and better the world. i have the utmost respect for them but i don't have that type of love for mankind anymore. i see life as kind of a test of who you are. i'm depleted and i don't have that which i started out with. i'm not someone who would hurt others but i'm not a saint on that level who can conjure up that type of unconditional love. i can barely stand myself with the imperfections. but it's awe inspiring to know that there is closer to perfection. then i thought about the concept of god and perfect all-encompassing unconditional love and how i'm so imperfect and weak etc, how i feel i'm not worthy of such etc. but then i realized, why wouldn't such a being not be capable of such? it's got everything and it has all the power. it has nothing to lose or a threat. now if such a being wasn't my creator i would be ashamed to be in it's presence in comparison but if it made me, well, hell i wouldn't be embarassed or feel small at all because i would consider it made me and so anything wrong is it's fault! i would wag my finger right in it's face even if it had the power to smite me.
i would like to aspire to that type of spirituality or understanding but i don't understand it. in some ways, i think it's not always positive even if the intent is depending and how and why. for example, there was this story of this of this man in the hospital who had a severe accident and became blind and he was smiling on his hospital bed. someone told be about it and he asked him what reason he had to be smiling? he said that because he didn't want to bring anyone else down and he was more concerned with making sure others around him didn't feel badly. what a beautiful heart he had. but realistically, there is a double edge to this or another side. i've noticed the secret is those who make the world more unfair depend on such people to take the damage and yet not complain. this has the effect of actually lowering standards than raising them. those who are too selfless, though beautiful, in an odd way, because it is very hard to do, are unknowingly making it harder for others who are victims trying to re-balance the status quo. predators love for victims to keep taking it and not to complain or to make more ground for themselves because. this is the part that i can see is also a problem. it's the masochism/sadist metaphor essentially. i learned this manipulative trick from my abusers. they realized and knew there were givers while they remain takers, even resorting to pious platitudes of sacrifice and guilt trips and to be selfless. as if it's just only some who should for the benefit of others. as if it's right for some to forego their needs and wants for the fulfillment of others.
it's also that parable in the bible where jesus was trying to teach a lesson when that woman who was poor gave all that she had while those who had much more gave more technically but they in spirit/motive did not because they had much more to give. the lesson was true but it's irresponsible and incomplete right there. what i have learned is if you sacrifice yourself to the point where you are damaged or not well, that is also unethical because you are also important and if you are not thriving, you have less to contribute anyways. there was really nothing unethical about those who had more to give appropriately but not to the point of abject exploitation of themselves just as another. now, the other issue may have been how they came upon that wealth or power may not have been ethical but that is not the issue and there was no way of knowing that from this simple lesson.
for true justice and ethics to occur, you have to exercise and consider realism and balance besides just unthinking sacrifice of yourself or others. what good does it do to sacrifice yourself to the point that you are in need as well? it's the same concept of what good does it do to lose your soul and gain the whole world? the good reasons, motives and healthy ethical radar will be damaged or lost then. it's that you can look at this from both sides of the coin.