Wacky ideas that WORK!
- Thread starter ismu
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Conserving Methane
Just imagine the following................................................................
You go down to Big Al's rump roast in South Tenn. You are given a menu, and instead of picking the garden salad, you pick the Southern Style Chile with added preservatives. Then you being to reap the rewards of the eating. You go on a massive gas excreting spree and it begins to smell up the room. What if you had a bag to put all that gas in, before your eyelids begin to curdle?! This could save the armegeddon for something worth while, like the home shopping network...
Enjoy. Bon Appitit.
-Penguin
Just imagine the following................................................................
You go down to Big Al's rump roast in South Tenn. You are given a menu, and instead of picking the garden salad, you pick the Southern Style Chile with added preservatives. Then you being to reap the rewards of the eating. You go on a massive gas excreting spree and it begins to smell up the room. What if you had a bag to put all that gas in, before your eyelids begin to curdle?! This could save the armegeddon for something worth while, like the home shopping network...
Enjoy. Bon Appitit.
-Penguin
Once i was in a big store, and had to take a crap really bad. So i jogged to the nearest restrooms, and saw a CAUTION: WET FLOOR sign as i walked in -- evidently an employee had just mopped it. There were 2 toilet stalls -- one was taken, fortunately the other was free. So i went in and had a big poop, and let probably the biggest longest turd i've ever crapped before. (I spread my legs and took a peek at it! Tee hee hee!!! 
)
Well, i started thinking about something else as i relaxed so that the rest of it could come out. But then the poo started smelling, so i figured i would give the other people in the bathroom a courtesy flush, and i reached back and pulled the lever. Well, as one end of this super-long turd was being pulled down the toilet hole, the other end lifted up into the air and touched me on a buttcheek. I jumped up yelling because i thought the toilet spiders were after me again! Then i slipped on the wet floor, and the top half of my body ended up under the wall and into the stall next to mine. I found myself looking up at an old man sitting on a toilet whose face was grimacing as he was grunting and pushing a turd as hard as he could. When he saw me, first his eyebrows shot up into his forehead in surprise, and then he grinned big and said, "Hey sonny!" I apologized, maneuvered myself back into my stall, and proceeded with my now-messy business of releasing waste products, feeling embarrassed and wondering what the old-timer thought i had been doing.
SO... my new invention is a toilet seat jack. It's very flat, and fits comfortably underneath the seat so that when you let those super-duper godzilla turds, you can jack yourself up high before giving a courtesy flush -- that way the turd doesn't give you a good-bye kiss before it departs.
)Well, i started thinking about something else as i relaxed so that the rest of it could come out. But then the poo started smelling, so i figured i would give the other people in the bathroom a courtesy flush, and i reached back and pulled the lever. Well, as one end of this super-long turd was being pulled down the toilet hole, the other end lifted up into the air and touched me on a buttcheek. I jumped up yelling because i thought the toilet spiders were after me again! Then i slipped on the wet floor, and the top half of my body ended up under the wall and into the stall next to mine. I found myself looking up at an old man sitting on a toilet whose face was grimacing as he was grunting and pushing a turd as hard as he could. When he saw me, first his eyebrows shot up into his forehead in surprise, and then he grinned big and said, "Hey sonny!" I apologized, maneuvered myself back into my stall, and proceeded with my now-messy business of releasing waste products, feeling embarrassed and wondering what the old-timer thought i had been doing.
SO... my new invention is a toilet seat jack. It's very flat, and fits comfortably underneath the seat so that when you let those super-duper godzilla turds, you can jack yourself up high before giving a courtesy flush -- that way the turd doesn't give you a good-bye kiss before it departs.
well, that is about the most disgusting thing I have ever heard. thank you very much.
Lykan that may be one of the funniest things I've ever read, and one of the most disgusting.
I think today someone said that I thought my sister was hot, which I don't, and then someone else said that it 'doesn't count as sex if she's dead already.'
We all grimaced, uggh, so disgusting. But we can all relate to you a little, Lykan, with the big turd thingy.
I think today someone said that I thought my sister was hot, which I don't, and then someone else said that it 'doesn't count as sex if she's dead already.'
We all grimaced, uggh, so disgusting. But we can all relate to you a little, Lykan, with the big turd thingy.
Assorted Items.
First of all. That whole turd thing. That was a piece of work. You summed up the life of a Bush in only a couple lines.
Pollux: On the subject of you boning your sister, thats gross.
A Person in a Fraternity that I am involved in, once said a quote that I will never forget. I was eating dinner with him and some other house buddies, and we decided to get some desert. I picked out some apple pie off the buffet table. Then he sat down and said a very bad thing. A thing that I am troubled by every time I am reminded of it. he said:
"Yum, cold apple pie! Just like riding dead people"
Yikes! that scared me. then he said.
"Don't worry, you can stick it in farther. They won't feel it, they are dead!"
(Necrophila- That uncontollable urge to crack open a cold one)
-Penguin
First of all. That whole turd thing. That was a piece of work. You summed up the life of a Bush in only a couple lines.
Pollux: On the subject of you boning your sister, thats gross.
A Person in a Fraternity that I am involved in, once said a quote that I will never forget. I was eating dinner with him and some other house buddies, and we decided to get some desert. I picked out some apple pie off the buffet table. Then he sat down and said a very bad thing. A thing that I am troubled by every time I am reminded of it. he said:
"Yum, cold apple pie! Just like riding dead people"
Yikes! that scared me. then he said.
"Don't worry, you can stick it in farther. They won't feel it, they are dead!"
(Necrophila- That uncontollable urge to crack open a cold one)
-Penguin
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'Psycho' I hate to be blunt when I say this but TAKE MY GODDAMN LAST NAME OFF OF THE INTERNET. I know it's my nickname but you're not supposed to do that. It's supposed to be a mystery, the people here only know my first name, now please please please take it off. Why did you mess with me? Arrr.
Despite my anger that thing about dead people is funny. NOW EDIT IT!!! Look at your post, then the lower right side. There is a button that says edit. THat should be enough. Now go!!
Despite my anger that thing about dead people is funny. NOW EDIT IT!!! Look at your post, then the lower right side. There is a button that says edit. THat should be enough. Now go!!
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Hey Pollux, stop using my damn nickname, now edit it. I change yours. As they say in latin "Quid pro quo"
Hey Thats not funny.
Ah, that's better 'psycho potatoe,' I'll get to my other post in a sec even though I didn't know normal names counted as nicknames.
And (Q) I hate to ask you this but could you remove my name from your post? I'm not really nervous that I'm going to be gang raped by old men tonight or ever for that matter but it would help if you said something like
"Hey Pollux! May the pollux be with you!" ahhahaha!!
I guess the mystery as to my last name is up, ah croicky. I don't think it really was much of a mystery though, but that was all the mystery I had IN me...
And (Q) I hate to ask you this but could you remove my name from your post? I'm not really nervous that I'm going to be gang raped by old men tonight or ever for that matter but it would help if you said something like
"Hey Pollux! May the pollux be with you!" ahhahaha!!
I guess the mystery as to my last name is up, ah croicky. I don't think it really was much of a mystery though, but that was all the mystery I had IN me...
Hey Pollux, the name is Potato, not Potatoe.
Anybody know where to get some good Delta Force Land Warrior hacks?
Ian, it's ok, I also don't care anymore. (q), good for you.
Ian, it's ok, I also don't care anymore. (q), good for you.
PotaTOE try the Nerd Culture section, start a thread.
Don't call me Ian, er it sounds wierd (as great a name as it is). I think I'll leave my first name to my multiple girlfriends , as it has a more feminine ring to it. THat's why my last name (the line from spaceballs) works so much better.
Don't call me Ian, er it sounds wierd (as great a name as it is). I think I'll leave my first name to my multiple girlfriends
, as it has a more feminine ring to it. THat's why my last name (the line from spaceballs) works so much better.Mr. Potato, you said, "First of all. That whole turd thing. That was a piece of work."
But isn't every turd a piece of work? That holy godzilla in my story was at least a 5-pounder, and then i probably burned off 500 calories heaving it out. I swear, sh!ting is some serious business. If i saw an ad in the classifieds for SH!TTER WANTED; $30 AN HOUR -- even though i'd be sitting on my @ss all day whistling pretty, i couldn't do it. Too damned strenuous. I was once in a Burger King restroom when some guy was going at it and he blew a lung. And then when i was 5, a cousin of mine launched his nuts clean off from the strain. He heard a couple plops and thought he'd gotten the big boy out BUT IT WASN'T THE TURD!
But isn't every turd a piece of work? That holy godzilla in my story was at least a 5-pounder, and then i probably burned off 500 calories heaving it out. I swear, sh!ting is some serious business. If i saw an ad in the classifieds for SH!TTER WANTED; $30 AN HOUR -- even though i'd be sitting on my @ss all day whistling pretty, i couldn't do it. Too damned strenuous. I was once in a Burger King restroom when some guy was going at it and he blew a lung. And then when i was 5, a cousin of mine launched his nuts clean off from the strain. He heard a couple plops and thought he'd gotten the big boy out BUT IT WASN'T THE TURD!
Seek counciling
Hey Pollux, your the nerd that refered me to this.