time machines available on the internet

[audible]

I have in my possession a collection of stones with "hyperdimensional oscillator" inscribed on them. They are based on the teslascope, a device Tesla used to communicate with aliens. I am selling them for $148.95 each (plus $10 postage) - a whole dollar cheaper than the inferior versions available elsewhere. Email me if you have plenty of spare cash and are stupider than a box of rocks.

is dere anuffer way I can by one of yer rock thingies, as I cant get dis email to work, my computa keeps telling me I got mail, and when I go out to the mail box deres nufin dere.

oh my name is jed clampet, isa millinair. cusing I got oil.