Therefore, God exists.

the preacher

fur is loose 666
Registered Senior Member
Therefore, God exists.

a little true humour, which is even funnier.

The reasoning for the existence of God as given by Christians can be expessed in a series of short statements followed by a conclusion. I have spent some time reviewing and condensing the various arguments for God presented in AvG. Most of the arguments fall into one or more of the argument categories listed below.

If you recognise any new argument, please post it and I will add it to the list giving you credit.

I've asked the local JW to proof read these arguments and surprisingly enough she didn't see anything wrong with the underlying logic of most of the arguments but was a little critical of the phrasing.

When we see these arguments paraphrased and listed out like this, we see the absurdity of most of the reasoning and at best some seriously flawed logic and yet Christians still use these same arguments without recognising those absurdities.


1 TRANSCENDENTAL ARGUMENT
(1) God exists.
(2) If God exists, then reason must exist.
(3) Reason exists.
(4) Therefore, God exists.


2. COSMOLOGICAL ARGUMENT
(1) If I say something must have a cause, it has a cause.
(2) I say the universe must have a cause.
(3) Therefore, the universe has a cause.
(4) Therefore, God exists.


3. ONTOLOGICAL ARGUMENT (a)
(1) I define God to be X.
(2) Since I can conceive of X, X must exist.
(3) Therefore, God exists.


4. ONTOLOGICAL ARGUMENT (b)
(1) God exists.
(2) Since God exists, God must be perfect.
(3) That which is perfect must exist.
(4) Therefore, God exists.


5. MODAL ONTOLOGICAL ARGUMENT
(1) God exists.
(2) God, existing, is either necessary or unnecessary.
(3) God is not unnecessary, therefore God must be necessary.
(4) Therefore, God exists.


6. TELEOLOGICAL ARGUMENT
(1) Check out that tree. Isn't it pretty?
(2) Therefore, God exists.


7. ARGUMENT FROM MIRACLES
(1) My aunt Helen was most likely to die from cancer.
(2) She didn't.
(3) Therefore, God exists.


8. MORAL ARGUMENT (a)
(1) Person X, a well-known atheist, was morally inferior to the rest of us.
(2) Therefore, God exists.


9. MORAL ARGUMENT (b)
(1) In my younger days I was a cursing, drinking, smoking, gambling, child-molesting, thieving, murdering, bed-wetting bastard.
(2) That all changed once I became religious.
(3) Therefore, God exists.


10. ARGUMENT FROM CREATION
(1) If evolution is false, then creationism is true, and therefore God exists.
(2) Evolution can't be true, since I lack the mental capacity to understand it; moreover, to accept its truth would cause me to be uncomfortable
(3) Therefore, God exists.


11. ARGUMENT FROM FEAR
(1) If there is no God then we're all going to die.
(2) Therefore, God exists.


12. ARGUMENT FROM THE BIBLE
(1) [arbitrary passage from OT]
(2) [arbitrary passage from NT]
(3) Therefore, God exists.


13. ARGUMENT FROM INTELLIGENCE
(1) Look, there's really no point in me trying to explain the whole thing to you stupid atheists -- it's too complicated for you to understand. God exists whether you like it or not.
(2) Therefore, God exists.


14. ARGUMENT FROM UNINTELLIGENCE
(1) Okay, I don't pretend to be as intelligent as you guys -- you're obviously very well read. But I read the Bible, and nothing you say can convince me that God does not exist. I feel him in my heart, and you can feel him too, if you'll just ask him into your life. "For God so loved the world that he sent his only begotten son into the world, that whosoever believes in him shall not perish from the earth" John 3:16.
(2) Therefore, God exists.


15. ARGUMENT FROM BELIEF
(1) If God exists, then I should believe in Him.
(2) I believe in God.
(3) Therefore, God exists.


16. ARGUMENT FROM INTIMIDATION
(1) See this bonfire?
(2) Therefore, God exists.


17. PARENTAL ARGUMENT
(1) My mommy and daddy told me that God exists.
(2) Therefore, God exists.


18. ARGUMENT FROM NUMBERS
(1) Millions and millions of people believe in God.
(2) They can't all be wrong, can they?
(3) Therefore, God exists.


19. ARGUMENT FROM ABSURDITY
(1) Maranathra!
(2) Therefore, God exists.


20. ARGUMENT FROM ECONOMY
(1) God exists, you bastards!
(2) Therefore, God exists.


21. BOATWRIGHT'S ARGUMENT
(1) Ha ha ha.
(2) Therefore, God exists.


22. DORE'S ARGUMENT
(1) I forgot to take my meds.
(2) Therefore, I AM CHRIST!!
(3) Therefore, God exists.


23. ARGUMENT FROM GUITAR MASTERY
(1) Eric Clapton is God.
(2) Therefore, God exists.


24. ARGUMENT FROM INTERNET AUTHORITY
(1) There is a website that successfully argues for the existence of God.
(2) Here is the URL.
(3) Therefore, God exists.


25. ARGUMENT FROM INCOMPREHENSIBILITY
(1) Flabble glurk zoom boink blubba snurgleschnortz ping!
(2) No one has ever refuted (1).
(3) Therefore, God exists.


26. ARGUMENT FROM AMERICAN EVANGELISM
(1) Telling people that God exists makes me filthy rich.
(2) Therefore, God exists.


27. MITCHELL'S ARGUMENT
(1) The Christian God exists.
(2) Therefore, all worldviews which don't assume the Christian God's existence are false and incomprehensible.
(3) Therefore, God exists.


28. ARGUMENT FROM BLINDNESS (a)
(1) Atheists are spiritually blind.
(2) Therefore, God exists.


29. ARGUMENT FROM BLINDNESS (b)
(1) God is love.
(2) Love is blind.
(3) Ray Charles is blind.
(4) Therefore, Ray Charles is God.
(5) Therefore, God exists.


30. ARGUMENT FROM FALLIBILITY
(1) Human reasoning is inherently flawed.
(2) Therefore, there is no reasonable way to challenge a proposition.
(3) I propose that God exists.
(4) Therefore, God exists.


31. ARGUMENT FROM SMUGNESS
(1) God exists.
(2) I don't give a crap whether you believe it or not; I have better things to do than to try to convince you morons.
(3) Therefore, God exists.


32. ARGUMENT FROM META-SMUGNESS
(1) Fuck you.
(2) Therefore, God exists.


33. ARGUMENT FROM MANIFESTATIONS
(1) If you turn your head sideways and squint a little, you can see an image of a bearded face in that tortilla.
(2) Therefore, God exists.


34. SLATHER'S ARGUMENT
(1) My toaster is God.
(2) Therefore, God exists.


35. ARGUMENT FROM INCOMPLETE DEVASTATION
(1) A plane crashed killing 143 passengers and crew.
(2) But one child survived with only third-degree burns.
(3) Therefore, God exists.


36. ARGUMENT FROM POSSIBLE WORLDS
(1) If things had been different, then things would be different.
(2) That would be bad.
(3) Therefore, God exists.


37. ARGUMENT FROM SHEER WILL
(1) I DO believe in God! I DO believe in God! I do I do I do I DO believe in God!
(2) Therefore, God exists.


38. ARGUMENT FROM NONBELIEF
(1) The majority of the world's population are nonbelievers in Christianity.
(2) This is just what Satan intended.
(3) Therefore, God exists.


39. ARGUMENT FROM POST-DEATH EXPERIENCE
(1) Person X died an atheist.
(2) He now realizes his mistake.
(3) Therefore, God exists.


40. ARGUMENT FROM EMOTIONAL BLACKMAIL
(1) God loves you.
(2) How could you be so heartless to not believe in him?
(3) Therefore, God exists.


41. ARGUMENT FROM INCOHERENT BABBLE
(1) See that person spazzing on the church floor babbling incoherently?
(2) That's how infinite wisdom reveals itself.
(3) Therefore, God exists.


42. OPRAH'S ARGUMENT (a)
(1) The human spirit exists.
(2) Therefore, God exists.


43. OPRAH'S ARGUMENT (b)
(1) Check out this video segment.
(2) Now how can anyone watch that and NOT believe in God?
(3) Therefore, God exists.


44. CALVINISTIC ARGUMENT
(1) If God exists, then he will let me watch you be tortured forever.
(2) I rather like that idea.
(3) Therefore, God exists.


45. ARGUMENT FROM CROCKERY
(1) Pots don't go around giving orders to the potter.
(2) Therefore, God exists.


46. ARGUMENT FROM MASS PRODUCTION
(1) Barbie dolls were created.
(2) If Barbie dolls were created, then so were trees.
(3) Therefore, God exists.


47. ARGUMENT FROM PAROCHIALISM
(1) God is everywhere.
(2) We haven't been everywhere to prove he's not there.
(3) Therefore, God exists.


48. ARGUMENT FROM UPPERCASE ASSERTION
(1) GOD EXISTS! GET USED TO IT!
(2) Therefore, God exists.


49. ARGUMENT FROM INFINITE REGRESS
(1) Ask atheists what caused the Big Bang.
(2) Regardless of their answer, ask how they know this.
(3) Continue process until the atheist admits he doesn't know the answer to one of your questions.
(4) You win!
(5) Therefore, God exists.


50. ARGUMENT FROM INCREDULITY
(1) How could God NOT exist, you bozo?
(2) Therefore, God exists.


51. ARGUMENT FROM HISTORY
(1) The Bible is true.
(2) Therefore, the Bible is historical fact.
(3) Therefore, God exists.


52. ARGUMENT FROM RESURRECTION
(1) Proof of God's existence will be available when you rise bodily from your grave.
(2) Therefore, God exists.


53. ARGUMENT FROM BIOGENESIS
(1) Where did Adam come from, dummy?
(2) Therefore, God exists.


54. ARGUMENT FROM STEADFAST FAITH
(1) A lot of really cool people believed in God their entire lives.
(2) Therefore, God exists.


55. ARGUMENT FROM LONELINESS
(1) Christians say that Jesus is their best friend.
(2) I'm lonely, and I want a best friend.
(3) Therefore, God exists.


56. ARGUMENT FROM ARGUMENTATION
(1) God exists.
(2) [atheist's counterargument]
(3) Yes he does.
(4) [atheist's counterargument]
(5) Yes he does!
(6) [atheist's counterargument]
(7) YES HE DOES!!!
(8) [atheist gives up and goes home]
(9) Therefore, God exists.


57. ARGUMENT FROM CREATIVE INTERPRETATION
(1) God is:
(a) The feeling you have when you look at a newborn baby.
(b) The love of a mother for her child.
(c) That little still voice in your heart.
(d) Humankind's potential to overcome their difficulties.
(e) How I feel when I look at a sunset.
(f) The taste of ice cream on a hot day.
(2) Therefore, God exists.


58. ARGUMENT FROM INSECURITY
(1) We have gone to absolutely berserk lengths to establish that atheists are laughable morons.
(1.5) Actually, we did so in the hopes of curing our own insecurities about theism -- but there's no chance in hell we'll ever admit that.
(2) Therefore, atheists are laughable morons.
(3) Therefore, God exists.


59. ARGUMENT FROM SUPERIORITY
(1) If God does not exist, then I am an inferior being, since I am not "special" in a cosmic sense.
(2) But I am superior. Because I am a Christian.
(3) Therefore, God exists.


60. ARGUMENT FROM PERFECTION
(1) If there are absolute moral standards, then God exists.
(2) Atheists say that there are no absolute moral standards.
(3) But that's because they don't want to admit to being sinners.
(4) Therefore, there are absolute moral standards.
(5) Therefore, God exists.


61. ARGUMENT FROM HUMAN NECESSITY
(1) Atheists say that they don't need God.
(2) Which just goes to show that they need God.
(3) Therefore, God exists.


62. ARGUMENT FROM HIDDEN LOGIC (a)
(1) Intellectually, I know that the existence of God is impossible, or vastly improbable.
(2) But I must put on the appearance of being cool and intellectual in front of my Christian apologist peers.
(3) Therefore, I must pretend that (1) is false.
(4) Therefore, God exists.


63. ARGUMENT FROM INDULGENCE
(1) Atheists like to think that they can control their emotional desires.
(2) But they're atheists, so they can't.
(3) Therefore, atheists feel the need to indulge in whatever they feel like without worrying about committing sin.
(4) This just goes to show how they need God in their lives.
(5) Therefore, God exists.


64. ARGUMENT FROM HATE
(1) Some atheists hate Christians and Christianity.
(2) That's why they don't believe in God.
(3) Pathetic, aren't they?
(4) Therefore, God exists.


65. ARGUMENT FROM QUENTIN SMITH
(1) Quentin Smith says that God does not exist.
(2) But God does exist.
(3) Therefore, Quentin Smith cannot be accepted as an expert on the matter, because he is wrong.
(4) Therefore, God exists.


66. ARGUMENT FROM EVIL SPIRITS
(1) I've just had contact with evil spirits.
(2) Therefore, God exists.


67. ARGUMENT FROM HIDDEN LOGIC (b)
(1) Atheists say that God doesn't exist.
(2) But they only say that because they want to look cool and intellectual in front of their peers.
(3) They don't fool me!
(4) Therefore, God exists.


68. ARGUMENT FROM HOVIND'S CHALLENGE
(1) Kent Hovind offers $250,000 (which may or may not exist) to anyone who can demonstrate evolution (defined as a natural, acausal origin of the universe) to a reasonable doubt (meaning with 100% certainty, allowing for no other possibilities whatsoever) in front of a neutral committee (handpicked by Hovind himself) and according to certain criteria (carefully worded so as to rule out any possibility whatsoever of the challenge ever being met).
(2) No atheist has ever met this challenge.
(3)Therefore, God exists.


69. ARGUMENT FROM INSANITY
(1) No sane person could have thought up Christianity
(2) Therefore, it must be true
(3) Therefore, God exists


ARGUMENT FROM EXHAUSTION (abridged)
(1) Do you agree with the utterly trivial proposition X?
(2) Atheist: of course.
(3) How about the slightly modified proposition X'?
(4) Atheist: Um, no, not really.
(5) Good. Since we agree, how about Y? Is that true?
(6) Atheist: No! And I didn't agree with X'!
(7) With the truths of these clearly established, surely you agree that Z is true as well?
(8) Atheist: No. So far I have only agreed with X! Where is this going, anyway?
(9) I'm glad we all agree.....
....
(37) So now we have used propositions X, X', Y, Y', Z, Z', P, P', Q and Q' to arrive at the obviously valid point R. Agreed?
(38) Atheist: Like I said, so far I've only agreed with X. Where is this going?
....
(81) So we now conclude from this that propositions L'', L''' and J'' are true. Agreed?
(82) I HAVEN'T AGREED WITH ANYTHING YOU'VE SAID SINCE X! WHERE IS THIS GOING!?
....
(177) ...and it follows that proposition HRV, SHQ'' and BTU' are all obviously valid. Agreed?
(178) [Atheist either faints from overwork or leaves in disgust]
(179) Therefore, God exists.


71. MR. GOODSALT'S ARGUMENT (ARGUMENT FROM GENERAL INQUIRY)
(1) Question for atheist population: [apparently random question]
(2) Your answer is wrong.
(3) Therefore, God exists.


72. PEACOCK ARGUMENT FROM ORIGINALITY
(1) I have written the following to demonstrate the existence of God.
(2) [insert entire text of a William Lane Craig article]
(3) Therefore, God exists.


73. PEACOCK ARGUMENT FROM LIMITED VOCABULARY
(1) You use lots of big words.
(2) Therefore, I cannot possibly be expected to understand your refutation of my position.
(3) Therefore, God exists.


74. PEACOCK ARGUMENT FROM SELECTIVE MEMORY
(1) [Christian asks "stumper" question]
(2) [Atheist answers question]
(3) [A lapse of time]
(4) [Christian repeats question]
(5) [Atheist repeats answer]
(6) [A lapse of time]
(7) [Christian repeats question]
(8) [Atheist repeats answer]
(9) [A lapse of time]
(10) Atheist, you never answered my question.
(11) Therefore, God exists.


75. ARGUMENT FROM HISTORICAL CORRELATION
(1) This historical event was recorded.
(2) The Bible mentions this event.
(3) Therefore, God exists.


76. THE CLASSICAL CIRCULAR ARGUMENT
(1) We know that God exists because the Bible tells us so.
(2) We know that the Bible is true because it is the word of God
(3) Therefore, God exists.


77. ARGUMENT FROM SELECTIVE CELEBRITY QUOTATION
(1) [insert famous persons name] is a well known Atheist.
(2) [insert famous persons name] made a comment about God.
(3) Therefore, God exists.


78. ARGUMENT FROM IRRELEVANT TRIVIA
(1) The Bible was written over a period of 1500 years.
(2) Many people from varied backgrounds wrote the Bible.
(3) Lots of copies of the Bible have been sold
(4) Therefore, God exists.


Massive thanks to Dave Holloway at Atheological Thinking for permission to use his material.
 
ARGUMENT FROM NATURE

Nature cannot murder.
Earthquake/tsunami kills tens of thousands.
God causes nature.
Therefore, god exists.
 
you forgot the most important argument:

ARGUMENT FROM ME
you had enough spare time to make that list
therefore time exists.
if time exists,
then a waste of time exists.
therefore, i stopped reading your list halfway through.
i didnt die from "excessive rationalist poisoning"
therefore god exists.
 
Okay, I'll give it a try:

ARGUMENT FROM AUTHORITY

bin Laden says that Allah exists.
bin Laden holds a gun to my head.
Therefore, Allah exists.

(This is humor, surrenderer.)
 
This is a great thread, I found it heaps funny.
I agree people who try and argue gods existence are stupid, as are those who try and argue gods inexistence.
The point is no one knows for sure. I have never tried to argue either way although it does irritate me when people have a go at what others do believe in. It is just a silly type of hatred.
I mean how does it bother a Jew if their friend is a Christian, or a Christian whose friend is a Buddhist or a Buddhist whose friend is a Muslim. It is like if your friend thought Pepsi was better than Coke and then another friend who doesn’t like to drink soft drink.
 
THE REDNECKS ARGUMENT
( said in redneck voice)
gawd luvs ya
ey's luvs gawd
dair is ah gawd. i'd nse zit,i'd seed dit.
(sudden change to upper class voice)
therefore my good man god exists.
 
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All of these can be summed up though, with:

WHAT ARGUMENTS BY ALL THEISTS BOILS DOWN TO
(1) I don't know how to properly construct an argument, and even though that would render any argument I make, including this one, invalid, I'm choosing to ignore that.
(2) Therefore, God exists.
This sounds to me like atheist argument #89: I DON'T HAVE TO THINK FOR MYSELF
(1) All theists are stupid
(2) Therefore all their arguments are stupid
(3) I will therefore regard all stupid arguments as evidence that God does not exist
(4) Therefore God does not exist

Although, in order not to generalize, here's at least one example of a thinking man who does not feel compelled towards stupidity: Atheist becomes a theist - Exclusive Interview with Former Atheist Antony Flew. Then again, that means he must be stupid, right?
 
does it upset you jenyar, that you theists are so predictable.
it's a little like entertainment, and in some instances could go both ways.( theist/atheist)
so dont get on your high horse about it.
 
Don't get me wrong, I can appreciate the humour. After all, I did use a variation of theist argument #77, and the whole list looks like an atheist version of argument #58. I was just wondering what the situation would look like when the table is turned. My high horse is as good as yours, not so?
 
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Jenyar said:
Although, in order not to generalize, here's at least one example of a thinking man who does not feel compelled towards stupidity: Atheist becomes a theist - Exclusive Interview with Former Atheist Antony Flew. Then again, that means he must be stupid, right?

ARGUMENT FROM CONVERSION
(1) This person was an atheist.
(2) This person now believes in God.
(3) Therefore, God exists.
 
ARGUEMENT FOR THE MUSLIM
there is only one.
xian god does not exist.
therefore, infidel allah exists,
 
AN ATHEISTIC ARGUMENT
Christians say only God exists.
Jews say only G-d exists.
Muslims say only Allah exists.
But their concepts are mutually exclusive,
Therefore no god exists.
 
marv said:
AN ATHEISTIC ARGUMENT
Christians say only God exists.
Jews say only G-d exists.
Muslims say only Allah exists.
But their concepts are mutually exclusive,
Therefore no god exists.

marv,

This is a humor thread... not a logic one.
 
marv said:
Okay, I'll give it a try:

ARGUMENT FROM AUTHORITY

bin Laden says that Allah exists.
bin Laden holds a gun to my head.
Therefore, Allah exists.

(This is humor, surrenderer.)[/QUOTE



Marv says he's a dumbhillbilly
Marv says dumb things constantly
Marv cousin is also probably his sister(thus the hillbilly)
Therefore , Marv is a dumbhillbilly

(back at ya Marv ;) )
 
hm.....can we move to the "unintelligent" heading? i mean....ill still post there and stuff, but this isnt about god anymore, methinks....:D
 
The Devil Inside said:
hm.....can we move to the "unintelligent" heading? i mean....ill still post there and stuff, but this isnt about god anymore, methinks....:D

Silence Devil! Don't make me get midevil-exorcist on yo' hiney!
 
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