Spanking Your Kids: Discipline or Abuse?

[sifreak21]

The other day I was babysitting my little brother (8) and my little sister (9). We were all in the kitchen and I was about to start dinner. Well my little brother was sort of annoying me - I had no shoes on and he was balancing all his weight on my foot. He weighs like 55 pounds so this was not pleasant. I told him to stop and he kept doing it. It eventually got to the point where I would just nudge him away when he tried to step on my foot. Then it got to the point where he would run up and step on my foot quickly, to test my authority.

I told him that if he continued to do it I was going to smack him. Well he had his "I don't care" - fake-enjoyment-face on and after 3 more times I smacked him open handed over the top of his head pretty good. He froze. He turned around to me and just looked bewildered. I don't think I had ever hit him before that moment. He ran upstairs in obvious distress and shut himself in his room.

Right after it happened I felt terrible about it. Thinking about it now I remember my dad smacking me the same exact way when he was playing music in a small fire hall and I was goofing off with my friends. And I remember being bewildered at how hard he hit me.

I spent the next 10 minutes outside his room (didn't even try to turn the handle) telling him how sorry I was for doing that and promised him that I'd never do it again and that I was wrong in doing it. He's gotten in those intentional annoying moods before and I've just simply asked him why he was being that way to good results. Usually when I did this I'd find out some hidden motive. I KNOW this is a better way to deal with a problem than force but I messed up and had to relearn the lesson.

I still feel guilty about it. I think the most troubling part about it for me is that the dynamics of our relationship must have changed. How can he view us as equals again? Now he'll always know that the bottom line is that I'm stronger than him and that's what dictates the rules.

I don't think a perfectly adjusted person would ever spank their child - though I don't know. Unless we become different people through some kind of transformation of consciousness, it will never work to make it illegal or whatever for parents to spank their children. The abuse will just be redirected into some other form of punishment that has the same effect.

lots of them do and saying "I don't think a perfectly adjusted person would ever spank their child" is saying most parents arnt adjusted which couldnt be more from the truth.

in your story you hit you brother on the head BIG no no that should NEVER be done. spanking and hitting a child in the head are 2 complete different things,

and spanking should never be illegal. now boundries need to be set yes, but to make it illegal is outragous. your letting the goverment tell you how to raise your kids

 

[stateofmind]

lots of them do and saying "I don't think a perfectly adjusted person would ever spank their child" is saying most parents arnt adjusted which couldnt be more from the truth.

in your story you hit you brother on the head BIG no no that should NEVER be done. spanking and hitting a child in the head are 2 complete different things,

and spanking should never be illegal. now boundries need to be set yes, but to make it illegal is outragous. your letting the goverment tell you how to raise your kids

How are spanking and a slap to the head two completely different things? I saw a video that repeat collisions to the head from contact sports can cause brain decay but a slap to the head doesn't come nearly to the impact of contact sports.

Are you suggesting that physical punishment must be administered the same way every time for every offense? Wouldn't that skew the child's ability to realize that there are different consequences for different actions? Don't certain violations make you want to kick someone in the knee some times and punch them in the face in others (not that I would ever do any of these things to a kid!)? You know what I mean?

I'm not advocating physical punishment AT ALL. I'm against it. I did it but I would never do it again and I imagine if I spanked him the guilt would the same...

 

[sifreak21]

How are spanking and a slap to the head two completely different things? I saw a video that repeat collisions to the head from contact sports can cause brain decay but a slap to the head doesn't come nearly to the impact of contact sports.

Are you suggesting that physical punishment must be administered the same way every time for every offense? Wouldn't that skew the child's ability to realize that there are different consequences for different actions? Don't certain violations make you want to kick someone in the knee some times and punch them in the face in others (not that I would ever do any of these things to a kid!)? You know what I mean?

I'm not advocating physical punishment AT ALL. I'm against it. I did it but I would never do it again and I imagine if I spanked him the guilt would the same...

whenever you hit someone in the face it is a blatent way to humiliate and disrespect someone.. you dont if you dicipline your children by slapping them in the face something is very wrong. and to your example thast common sence

yes i do. think that the same should be administered
and i agree but when it comes to dicipline spanking is as far as it would go.

but a quick side question what or how would you dicipline your kids if you dont spank? dont you say the EXACT same thing . timmy we dont do XXXXX if you keep doing XXXX i will take XXXX away for a day

 

[stateofmind]

whenever you hit someone in the face it is a blatent way to humiliate and disrespect someone.. you dont if you dicipline your children by slapping them in the face something is very wrong. and to your example thast common sence

yes i do. think that the same should be administered
and i agree but when it comes to dicipline spanking is as far as it would go.

but a quick side question what or how would you dicipline your kids if you dont spank? dont you say the EXACT same thing . timmy we dont do XXXXX if you keep doing XXXX i will take XXXX away for a day

First of all I didn't slap him in the face. I slapped him in the back of the head, across the top of it. If you don't spank kids, you can ask them why they are acting the way they are. I've done it before when my little brother was being annoying. I asked him why he was acting that way and eventually it led to a deeper issue of him feeling bad about something or needing something.

 

[sifreak21]

First of all I didn't slap him in the face. I slapped him in the back of the head, across the top of it. If you don't spank kids, you can ask them why they are acting the way they are. I've done it before when my little brother was being annoying. I asked him why he was acting that way and eventually it led to a deeper issue of him feeling bad about something or needing something.

ok well hitting in the head at all period there fixed

that did work for your brother and many children.
on the flipside there are many children that wont work on.

 

[stateofmind]

ok well hitting in the head at all period there fixed

that did work for your brother and many children.
on the flipside there are many children that wont work on.

What evidence do you have the hitting in the head is any worse than hitting on the butt for punishment? What about pinching? Or hitting the heels? What about hitting the knuckles or shins? Again what evidence do you have that any one of these is better than the others?

Oh and you've worked with all children so you KNOW that it will work on some and not on others. Okay.

 

[sifreak21]

What evidence do you have the hitting in the head is any worse than hitting on the butt for punishment? What about pinching? Or hitting the heels? What about hitting the knuckles or shins? Again what evidence do you have that any one of these is better than the others?

Oh and you've worked with all children so you KNOW that it will work on some and not on others. Okay.

for one if you hit someone in the head hard enough you can cause brain damage or kill them odd link but didnt feel like looking to much thought it was more of common sence

about the heels knuckles pointless humans dont have many pain recepters there same with shins really moot points

why do you want evedence tbqh? its called common sence you hit a small child in the temple with very little force it can kill them i have yet to hear anyone being killed by getting spanked or even hit in the butt.. you need your head checked if you would "spank" a childs heels nuckleds or shins LOTS of people can tell you gettin spanked made them think twice about doing that activity again,

and again you hit a small child in the head
you COULD cause brain damage
you could kill them
you could cause spinal issues
you could cause growth issues
you could cause sight issues
you could cause speech issues
the list goes on and on



http://www.streetdirectory.com/trav...t_take_much_force_to_cause_a_head_injury.html

 

[stateofmind]

for one if you hit someone in the head hard enough you can cause brain damage or kill them odd link but didnt feel like looking to much thought it was more of common sence

about the heels knuckles pointless humans dont have many pain recepters there same with shins really moot points

why do you want evedence tbqh? its called common sence you hit a small child in the temple with very little force it can kill them i have yet to hear anyone being killed by getting spanked or even hit in the butt.. you need your head checked if you would "spank" a childs heels nuckleds or shins LOTS of people can tell you gettin spanked made them think twice about doing that activity again,

and again you hit a small child in the head
you COULD cause brain damage
you could kill them
you could cause spinal issues
you could cause growth issues
you could cause sight issues
you could cause speech issues
the list goes on and on



http://www.streetdirectory.com/trav...t_take_much_force_to_cause_a_head_injury.html

What the hell kind of credible site is that? It sounds like a mommy-robot wrote that in her free time between play dates and leadership camp. The woman who wrote that article would probably have her kids wear space suits to go outside.

Either way, I think the type of "small child" you're referring to is between the ages of 0 and 4-5. My little brother is 8 years old. I'm NOT saying what I did was right. The fact is, people get in fights over petty shit and punch each other in the face all the time and no noticeable brain damage occurs - a miracle? I smacked him over the back of his head... what were the odds of any injury over that? More likely than getting into a car accident? Honestly... The media blows up 1 in a million cases and makes them the norm.

The type of annoying that my little brother was being was welling up inside me a particular wish to hit him in the head. At least I was true enough to myself not to redirect and confuse the whole situation for both of us by filtering my anger through some kind of professional-nanny filter and spanking him instead which would leave the wish unfulfilled.

People that exclusively spank because "it's safe" and "it needs to be done" are the worst of all. They're repressed and confused and there's no talking sense in them because of the justification that they get from all of society.

 

[sifreak21]

What the hell kind of credible site is that? It sounds like a mommy-robot wrote that in her free time between play dates and leadership camp. The woman who wrote that article would probably have her kids wear space suits to go outside.

Either way, I think the type of "small child" you're referring to is between the ages of 0 and 4-5. My little brother is 8 years old. I'm NOT saying what I did was right. The fact is, people get in fights over petty shit and punch each other in the face all the time and no noticeable brain damage occurs - a miracle? I smacked him over the back of his head... what were the odds of any injury over that? More likely than getting into a car accident? Honestly... The media blows up 1 in a million cases and makes them the norm.

The type of annoying that my little brother was being was welling up inside me a particular wish to hit him in the head. At least I was true enough to myself not to redirect and confuse the whole situation for both of us by filtering my anger through some kind of professional-nanny filter and spanking him instead which would leave the wish unfulfilled.

People that exclusively spank because "it's safe" and "it needs to be done" are the worst of all. They're repressed and confused and there's no talking sense in them because of the justification that they get from all of society.

on some kids it does need to be done regaurdless thought it has been done for thousands of years.. on hundreds of millions of people so if these studies were right we would all be emotionally tramatized society and would fail

 

[Pandaemoni]

very true, and I didnt mean pull a chunk of hair out that is unacceptable. but a single piece is different the parent should make that judgement..

Parents have the right to discipline their children, including corporal punishment, so I'd be very surprised at child services showing up because a single hair was pulled. Anything is possible, but in that case child services would not be following the law.

That said, the standards for what are "abuse" and what are "discipline" are very subjective.

 

[sifreak21]

Parents have the right to discipline their children, including corporal punishment, so I'd be very surprised at child services showing up because a single hair was pulled. Anything is possible, but in that case child services would not be following the law.

That said, the standards for what are "abuse" and what are "discipline" are very subjective.

they did children have to much power now and they no know it all a child needs to do is say "mommy or daddy hit me" and you will be in a huge pile of crap

 

[stateofmind]

on some kids it does need to be done regaurdless thought it has been done for thousands of years.. on hundreds of millions of people so if these studies were right we would all be emotionally tramatized society and would fail

Where's your control group to show that it has to be done on some kids...?

Who's to say we aren't an emotionally traumatized society...?

What evidence do you have that spanking was done for thousands of years?

I know a lot of people who are considered normal but are not very complete people - and I'm not saying it's because they got spanked, but to use evidence of the emotional state of society at large isn't helping your case...

 

[sifreak21]

Where's your control group to show that it has to be done on some kids...?

myself is the control group thats the only thing that worked with me and many people here could say the same.. is it an offical study no.

Who's to say we aren't an emotionally traumatized society...?

thats very true

What evidence do you have that spanking was done for thousands of years?

i actually asked my grandparents if they were spanked and the consensus i got was they were either spanked or beat one or the other

 

[Cowboy]

Spanking your children is discipline. Beating them is abuse.

 

[soullust]

Quetion Directed towards superstring01.

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