He'd be better off doing Da Butt. He might pick up some of the gay vote.
Nor do I use all proper terms. Cunt is an insult, pussy is acceptable because its prevalence in the culture has disarmed it as a foul word, vagina still sounds like a celestial body ... shit comes out of your ass. It's just that fellatio is about the only word I can stand to use converationally. When I use "blowjob," I'm usually making a specific point. (e.g. "I can't believe Congress spent forty-million on a blowjob. Hugh Grant only spent sixty bucks!") That and it goes better in the Vonnegut-inspired (and perhaps archaic) phrase, "The world is run on yen and fellatio." Hummer, on the other hand, used to be a blinding fastball. Now it's a gas-guzzling piece of poopadelica.
No less than twenty hail-mary's to clean out that tongue, mister! Faeces comes out of your anus. Pussy refers to a kitten and blowjob refers to a .... blowjob.
I am firmly against what I consider the demonization of sexuality. The first test has already arrived, and I've alluded to it already. My daughter discovered her clitoris at 18 months. What the hell am I going to do? I just make a practical issue out of it. It's hard enough to keep her hands away if there's shit to wipe away--and certainly my partner's no real help unless I ask her thrice--so once she's clean enough I just go about putting her diaper on and move her hand as a matter of utility. I refuse to condition her against this behavior; besides, the only conditioning option at this point is Pavlovian, which can have unpredictable results in a developing psyche.
"Disarmament," is the working name of my sex-ed theory.
Well don't you want your daughter to grow up with
some innocence?
The child rubbing its genitals finds that this quickly attracts adult attention and admonishment or that adults will divert him or her from this activity. It becomes clear that there is something peculiar and taboo about this area of the body. This “genital taboo” is reinforced by the great concern over the child's excretory behaviour: bladder and bowel control is praised; loss of control is met by disappointment, chiding, and expressions of disgust. Obviously, the anal–genital area is not only a
taboo area but a very important one as well. It is almost inevitable that the genitalia become associated with
anxiety and shame. It is noteworthy that this attitude finds expression in the language of Western civilizations, as in “privates” (
something to be kept hidden) and the German word for the genitals, Scham (“shame”).
Nevertheless, the writer concludes:
n view of all these factors working against a healthy, rational attitude toward sex and in view of the inevitable disappointments, exploitations, and rejections that are involved in human relationships, one might wonder how anyone could reach adulthood without being seriously maladjusted.
The sexual impulse, however, is sufficiently strong and persistent and repeated sexual activity gradually erodes the inhibitions and any sense of guilt or shame.
No need to abandon what has worked so well in the past, right? After all, it says right here that there's no harm. However it doesn't guarantee that supporting such, um, an acceptance of one's body parts, would lead to such complacence that gangbanging and rape will be seen as norms.
No woman should ever be frightened of her chocha. No man should ever be so proud of his cock. And no, I haven't settled on a "family" word for "cock." Then again, I let her watch Family Guy (she likes the musical numbers, would you believe?) so "cock" is probably going to be one of her first dirty words. Hopefully, I'll be able to use the "Cock Awareness Week" gag to disarm the word.
As someone mentioned earlier, peepee works just as well. You shouldn't confuse your daughter by referring to a bird. Tell her to cover her eyes whenever she sees it, as there is no benefit to looking at it. It is shameful to expose private parts to public scrutiny.
To clarify the preceding one-liner, there was a period during the Zippergate scandal when Trudeau's Doonesbury examined the sudden necessity of explaining fellatio to children, as the news tended to be about blowjobs in those days. There's a great daily four-framer in which Mike tries to have that part of the talk with his daughter Alex, who, after listening to him fumble and stutter for a couple frames, lets him off the hook. She knows what it is. And, as a sublimated side commentary, Mike is so relieved that he doesn't have to have the talk that it doesn't seem to alarm him right away that she's a step ahead of him on that count. Although I do remember he had a grave discussion with Kim about something related to Alex during that time, and it's unlike Mike to let such a point sit unturned.
My daughter will learn much from Doonesbury. And hey, they say comic books are great reading tools.
I'm not panicking yet about snap bracelets, and I should take comfort from the fact that I never got to play those reindeer games, but I'd like to put off her first, "Bitch, you like that, don't'cha," experience as long as possible.
If that is your fear, you should think about investing in chastity belts. They are all the rage these days.
If she ever asks me so directly, I'll simply endorse lesbianism as the physically and emotionally-healthier route. If she asks.
Don't shudder. Dance.
You're going to advice your daughter to be a lesbian?
Don't you want your daughter to grow up like all the other kids? What would Jesus do?
Note: All my above comments are meant to be satirical (in a way).
And oh yes, I'm doing the macarena. But at least I have my clothes on.
