Anti-flag:
Well, maybe I've exagerated your position just a little. What you undoubtedly said was that you think if one partner has been adulterous, then they ought to get nothing in a divorce settlement. In other words, the house, the dog, the kids, the car, the joint bank account and so on all goes to the non-adulterous partner.
That's a heavy penalty for what might be one moral slip.
Yes, that is what I said, not the rest of what you came out with. As for it being a heavy penalty then yes, I agree, but adultery can cause a lot of emotional distress, and it is totally unnecessary, you don't accidentally cheat on someone, even when drunk, and as I said, it is not hard to end it first if you don't feel the same anymore. If you feel the need to cheat on someone I would suggest a person was not ready for marraige, it isn't as though we don't know that it entails being true to your partner.
I don't think adultery is at all acceptable behaviour of any mature adult and as such they should be prepared to accept consequences for the damage done. Perhaps saying they should get nothing is too far, I'll admit that, but certainly it should limit greatly what they receive from a divorce settlement, it is technically a breach of contract.
It's beyond me that you can't imagine that people will always have moments of weakness. Few people are perfect exemplars of monogamy.
Again this is something I didn't say. People have weaknesses, nobody is perfect and I have never stated otherwise.
The problem is they also have responsibility, especially when in a relationship, and people need to learn to take responsibility for their actions, good and bad. I'm aware most people are incapable of monogamy, but I'd suggest these people don't get married. At worst they can find other people the same and have an open marraige but both partners must be aware of this at the start.
I have no objections to that at all.
My original point was that the government should not be sticking its nose into sorting through who slept with whom. And surely you don't think that just because the government isn't involved, or a law isn't being broken, cheating in marriage is therefore "without consequences"?
In a divorce settlement, if the reason for the divorce is adultery then I think the information is relevant, if people can work through it themselves that is their choice. Simply put if you don't want people to find out about your adultery, don't do it. Also not everyone feels guilty afterwards, and what consequences do these people face?
I totally agree. But I also think that if a divorce occurs, the adulterer should not be punished by forfeiture of join property of the marriage. That's a totally disproportionate outcome.
I find the alternative to be a form of compensation for the distress caused, but that would be harder to judge. I'm aware you probably also don't find adultery morally acceptable, and I find it is something which is hard to decide on a punishment. I don't think this should be based in law because some people are forgiven, some are openly both happy with it, and there are I'm sure other reasons, but I think a case of a closed marraige is an exception and it should carry consequences. If you'd care to suggest alternatives I would be interested in hearing them.
I believe adultery to be the only reason I'd ever give up on a marraige, if I love someone enough to marry them anything else is worth working through to keep that. I'd expect the same from my partner. This is a great flaw in people who marry young and think it will be all roses and smiles.
Because the other person has put their time and effort and resources into the joint assets of the marriage, and should not be denied their fair share because of your religious prudishness regarding sex.
Another assumption and judgement, and again incorrect. That's two, and I don't think you're apologetic about either. Having read some of your other posts and being aware you're a moderator I must say I'd expect better. Feel free to continue though, others might find it amusing. I'm non-religious, and I'm not a gun toting yokel from the american deep south either.
At the risk of endlessly repeating myself, people in a marraige are expected to not cheat.
Someone puts a lot of time, effort, and resources into a business, but if they breach the contract they get very little back, at best compensation or an agreeable settlement. Why should divorce be any different?
Two things people need to learn in this world are morals and responsibility.
Very hard, in some cases. Cheating doesn't even have to mean that a person doesn't want to be with their partner anymore. If it did, then every cheating husband would leave his wife. You must be aware that many do not.
This is why I'm concerned, a fling should not be an attractive prospect to anyone if they are married. For things to get to that stage something has to be seriously wrong, and I greatly encourage people to be more open about this. If you love and respect someone why go behind their back to be with someone else?
I think the fact that in the 21st century we have this attitude with a great many things that because "lots of people do it" it is acceptable and/or expectedly forgivable. To me this is a great problem in our society.