Marrying more wives
- Thread starter Saint
- Start date
It is not considered wrong in Islam and in some ancient tribal cultures that practice polygamy to this day.
Christianity promotes monogamy as holy, where upon marrying, the man and woman cease to be two separate entities but become one.
The Jews of the old testament practised polygamy and the men were even allowed to have concubines seemingly with God's blessings, but they obviously changed those traditions at some point.
Christianity promotes monogamy as holy, where upon marrying, the man and woman cease to be two separate entities but become one.
The Jews of the old testament practised polygamy and the men were even allowed to have concubines seemingly with God's blessings, but they obviously changed those traditions at some point.
Fraggle Rocker
Staff member
How convenient that the god of Abraham has a penis. Everything in Christianity, Islam, and Judaism favors men as though we're all little gods and women were just put here for our amusement.
Would anyone express the same level of apology or support for polyandry? Women could actually USE multiple husbands. There might be one around when she needs him while the rest are all out watching football, getting drunk, shooting animals, or working 50-hour weeks in meaningless jobs.
Would anyone express the same level of apology or support for polyandry? Women could actually USE multiple husbands. There might be one around when she needs him while the rest are all out watching football, getting drunk, shooting animals, or working 50-hour weeks in meaningless jobs.
In a practical sense, I would favour polygamy to polyandri because there are more women than men. Whether western society would accept either situaion is another matter. The way things are, I would say no, though a certain amount of men would probably favour polygamy, simply from the sexual aspect.
Societies establish certain social rules and then each generation is conditioned to maintain those rules, which means that there is really no incentive for present society in view of its conditioning, to even contemplate such radical social shifts, especially with religion in the way. The biggest recent shift was in the case of homosexuality, but that was because a given amount of people are actually born homosexual and they have no option but to demonstrate their sexuality. Where polygamy or polyandri is concerned, there is no such natural bias, very few people are born with an innate desire to marry more than one spouse at a time and it is in fact very rare even for people to simply live together within a multiple relationship, though it does happen.
Societies establish certain social rules and then each generation is conditioned to maintain those rules, which means that there is really no incentive for present society in view of its conditioning, to even contemplate such radical social shifts, especially with religion in the way. The biggest recent shift was in the case of homosexuality, but that was because a given amount of people are actually born homosexual and they have no option but to demonstrate their sexuality. Where polygamy or polyandri is concerned, there is no such natural bias, very few people are born with an innate desire to marry more than one spouse at a time and it is in fact very rare even for people to simply live together within a multiple relationship, though it does happen.
rahereticsswan
Registered Member
I live in a family that is founded on a "polyamorous" relationship.
Polyamory is a word used to connote "many loves," and as such, it encompasses a variety of relationships which might include either polygamy (multiple wives) or polyandry (multiple husbands). There are many more such relationships than most people might suspect. The simple fact is that, because the law makes all such relating risky, and because the society provides no support for families founded around such relationships, most of us stay discreetly hidden from general view.
Our culture assumes that a one to one, paired coupling is the natural and normal state for adult relating. It is based on a religiously-inspired artifact dating back to the early days of the Catholic church when the "fathers" of the church codified monogamy as a way to seize family assets for the church rather than have it pass on to the many, many heirs that issued from multiple wives... We are nowadays taught and indoctrinated in this "norm" from earliest childhood. Everything in our society points to this model (try and buy a bed that sleeps more than 2 adults). Statistically, however, it is clear that most adults do not related to a single "love" throughout their lifetime (serial monogamy is our norm). Most healthy, open, interesting adults find many relationships that satisfy parts of their "selves." The one on one relationship model demands that, when that occurs, one must win and everyone else must lose...
The real issue, in fact, is the marriage model. Not monogamy or polygamy or polyandry or polyamory... but the notion of marriage itself. Marriage is a legal contract. It specifies how property is shared and passed on. It defines legal rights of access in cases of illness. It specifies who has custody of children. All of these things could be handled by statute. Relationships between human beings who love and care for each other do not and should not bend to the strictures of legalese, no matter how finely crafted the language.
swan
Polyamory is a word used to connote "many loves," and as such, it encompasses a variety of relationships which might include either polygamy (multiple wives) or polyandry (multiple husbands). There are many more such relationships than most people might suspect. The simple fact is that, because the law makes all such relating risky, and because the society provides no support for families founded around such relationships, most of us stay discreetly hidden from general view.
Our culture assumes that a one to one, paired coupling is the natural and normal state for adult relating. It is based on a religiously-inspired artifact dating back to the early days of the Catholic church when the "fathers" of the church codified monogamy as a way to seize family assets for the church rather than have it pass on to the many, many heirs that issued from multiple wives... We are nowadays taught and indoctrinated in this "norm" from earliest childhood. Everything in our society points to this model (try and buy a bed that sleeps more than 2 adults). Statistically, however, it is clear that most adults do not related to a single "love" throughout their lifetime (serial monogamy is our norm). Most healthy, open, interesting adults find many relationships that satisfy parts of their "selves." The one on one relationship model demands that, when that occurs, one must win and everyone else must lose...
The real issue, in fact, is the marriage model. Not monogamy or polygamy or polyandry or polyamory... but the notion of marriage itself. Marriage is a legal contract. It specifies how property is shared and passed on. It defines legal rights of access in cases of illness. It specifies who has custody of children. All of these things could be handled by statute. Relationships between human beings who love and care for each other do not and should not bend to the strictures of legalese, no matter how finely crafted the language.
swan
It's considered wrong because wives are thought of as property, and having more than one wife diminishes the value of said property.
I don't say it's wrong, per se. Rather, I think of polygamy as a sign of serious psychiatric conflict, and my solution is to annul all of the marriages on the grounds that the polygamist is not competent to enter such agreements.
I don't say it's wrong, per se. Rather, I think of polygamy as a sign of serious psychiatric conflict, and my solution is to annul all of the marriages on the grounds that the polygamist is not competent to enter such agreements.
Fraggle Rocker
Staff member
The men are just being adolescents who never had to grow up. Screw as many women as you can to show how macho you are. I think it's the women who willingly enter those relationships who are out of their minds!
Saint
Some tribes in the Himalaya accept women having several husbands - normally the brothers - it is rare though ............
I actually think polygami was the originally concept of humans , our closest relatives
monkeys,chimpanses and bonobos all live in polygami ........... bonobos even seem to have " free sex " with anyone they like ..........
Some tribes in the Himalaya accept women having several husbands - normally the brothers - it is rare though ............
I actually think polygami was the originally concept of humans , our closest relatives
monkeys,chimpanses and bonobos all live in polygami ........... bonobos even seem to have " free sex " with anyone they like ..........
rahereticsswan
Registered Member
Fraggle Rocker said:
I am a woman who is living voluntarily in just such a relationship, and while I may not be the best judge, I do not believe that I am "out of my mind."
I have a good, happy, warm loving home and family, that happens to include two adults that love me instead of the one that society would define as the "norm." We laugh, love, work, and worry about all the things that people do. We all hold responsible and (we believe) important jobs that contribute to our community. We take care of one another and our extended family and friendship circles.
Why is it that the assumption is that, because the man I love was married to another when he and I met, you and the society decree that either she had to lose or I did? Why? She and I are sister-hearts who find our greatest joy and friendship in one another's company, and our greatest happiness in the home we've created together.
That you do not understand that, doesn't make US crazy.
swan
Fraggle Rocker said:
Personally, I think it's the men with more than one wife who's bubble doesn't sit quite level. Unless they are super-dominating (or the women super-submissive) it could easily set the stage for some very long-term conflicts.
I happen to be married (very happily for over 30 years) and enjoy giving my wife a reasonable amount of attention. There wouldn't be enough time to go around to do that with multiple wives. As I understand it, there is a generally a favored wife and the others are just secondary. Doesn't sound like their elevators go all the way to the top, either, to be satisifed with being second-best.
I've always viewed marrage as a partnership. And three partners will never agree as often on anything as just two.
Fraggle Rocker
Staff member
Oh lighten up people! If that wasn't obviously a snide remark I apologize. There's room in the world for every type of family arrangement. I just think that the religious communities that sanction polygamy as a common practice do so out of the old tradition that women are chattel, not any charitable thoughts about how the women actually feel. THEY would never allow polyandry.
And no, Baron. I'm a libertarian. Even if I personally thought polygamy was wrong I would not support a law against it. Consenting adults must have the right to do anything they want, so long as it causes no direct harm to others.
And no, Baron. I'm a libertarian. Even if I personally thought polygamy was wrong I would not support a law against it. Consenting adults must have the right to do anything they want, so long as it causes no direct harm to others.
rahereticsswan
Registered Member
Light said:
My first reaction was to argue the issue of dominance and submission here with you, but in fact, we are a Dominance/submission based household by deliberate choice.
I would argue that all relationships are based on power exchange dynamics, mostly unacknowledged, and often damaging. Our household simply uses those dynamics openly, honestly, deliberately, and consciously in ways that recognize who we each are and what we all need from one another. Our way minimizes power struggles and maximizes our potential for harmony and calm interactions.
Using that knowledge and understanding gives us great flexibility and great energy.
swan
Saint said:
Do you really want to put up with more then one women? Seriously, I wouldn't want to put up with more then one husband.
I don't have a problem with people having more then one wife/ husband, I guess.
Well okay I don't like it at all, but I understand that in some religions that's okay to do so I'll suck it up I guess.
I personally believe that love is between two people, and involving other people means that you can't equally love them both. People say you can, but really you can't. I mean really. There will be your days when your sort of pissed off with your spouse and you have a thought cross your mind "maybe it would be easier without them." And if you have more then one spouse you would just side with them. It's not a very health way to be I think.
And the wives would all the time be trying to look better then the other ones.
I heard this greek story about soul mates. Well at the beginning of time God gathered up all the souls in the world and split them up in two and gave each person a half a soul. Their job was to find their missing part.
Once they find there other half they're content, and want nothing more with anyone else.
Light said:
aw, that's nice.