scilosopher
Registered Senior Member
Thed,
That's a pretty simple theory. Love comes in all shapes and sizes. One girl I really liked all through college was actually dissapointed I never made a move. Apparently she liked me more than her boyfriend of the time. They now live together. She cheated on him with someone else anyway too. I found out after she moved to California. They just bought a house. Maybe she's better off, who knows? Many girls I have known are essentially always in a relationship for security reasons. I don't know if they always love their boyfriend. Even if they do maybe they would love someone else more and be better off.
Personally if I was dating a girl and really liked her and she met someone she liked more, I would not be upset if she left me for them. Anyone I care about I only want the best for and I would never want to accept someone staying with me if I was the second choice out of loyalty. I wouldn't even be upset if she spent time with them to be sure. I think that social conventions should promote people finding someone who is a really good match for them. If social customs were better maybe there would be less divorce. When children and marriage are involved the situation is different. I was not talking about this (though saying love is a given in marriage/relationships is totally idealistic).
Maybe my main problem is that love isn't my main priority. My main priority is being the type of person I feel is worthy of love. If love was my main priority I would have already broken a number of relationships up.
Bebelina,
Do you think it's more wrong to break up a relationship (again not married/kids type) or allow someone to possibly marry someone they would be less happy with than you? Believe me I would never do it for selfish reasons (though I admit that may be hard to judge impartially). I have basically not dated for a few years because I rarely meet girls I really like who aren't in relationships. I also don't want to spend all my time looking. I admit I have high standards, but I think I'm worth it. What would you have me do? Just date girls I don't really like in hopes I change my mind? Or just as a temporary fill in? It isn't a problem to find girls that like me, it's just that the ones I like back are in relationships. I have solid evidence that many of them like me more, but aren't going to break up without knowing I like them back. Maybe I have bad taste in women that this is the situation, but what would you say is the appropriate way to handle it.
That's a pretty simple theory. Love comes in all shapes and sizes. One girl I really liked all through college was actually dissapointed I never made a move. Apparently she liked me more than her boyfriend of the time. They now live together. She cheated on him with someone else anyway too. I found out after she moved to California. They just bought a house. Maybe she's better off, who knows? Many girls I have known are essentially always in a relationship for security reasons. I don't know if they always love their boyfriend. Even if they do maybe they would love someone else more and be better off.
Personally if I was dating a girl and really liked her and she met someone she liked more, I would not be upset if she left me for them. Anyone I care about I only want the best for and I would never want to accept someone staying with me if I was the second choice out of loyalty. I wouldn't even be upset if she spent time with them to be sure. I think that social conventions should promote people finding someone who is a really good match for them. If social customs were better maybe there would be less divorce. When children and marriage are involved the situation is different. I was not talking about this (though saying love is a given in marriage/relationships is totally idealistic).
Maybe my main problem is that love isn't my main priority. My main priority is being the type of person I feel is worthy of love. If love was my main priority I would have already broken a number of relationships up.
Bebelina,
Do you think it's more wrong to break up a relationship (again not married/kids type) or allow someone to possibly marry someone they would be less happy with than you? Believe me I would never do it for selfish reasons (though I admit that may be hard to judge impartially). I have basically not dated for a few years because I rarely meet girls I really like who aren't in relationships. I also don't want to spend all my time looking. I admit I have high standards, but I think I'm worth it. What would you have me do? Just date girls I don't really like in hopes I change my mind? Or just as a temporary fill in? It isn't a problem to find girls that like me, it's just that the ones I like back are in relationships. I have solid evidence that many of them like me more, but aren't going to break up without knowing I like them back. Maybe I have bad taste in women that this is the situation, but what would you say is the appropriate way to handle it.