Love and emotional unavailability...

[BrianHarwarespecialist]

Because of her I now can help the planet I understand a great deal about what is nessary to avoid divorce and it has nothing to do with fraud relationship counsellors or anything a physiatrist will tell you. These people in my opinion make the situation worse.

 

[Daecon]

fraud relationship counsellors or anything a physiatrist will tell you. These people in my opinion make the situation worse.

How?

 

[BrianHarwarespecialist]

How?

If you got married for the wrong reason in the first place like most people do, meaning they either choose someone out of convienance , desperation, logic, or false love, the last one just means the feelings are not mutually equivalent. The equivalent part is very important, that is what will dictate the success of a relationship. So if any relationship starts of this way there will be an imbalance "non relation" and there will be no spiritual unification. So starting from that position of failure to create a unified foundation all other growth will be stunted so any attempt at counselling will be fruadulent (people just doing thier job). Counselling does not address the real issues instead they discuss cliches and facades that insult the intelligence of the participating members, once this happens any and all attempts of trust is lost then the participants will then just play along and answer the questions accordingly, they essential become people pleasers betraying the true soul desires and inpirations they once held so important in the days of thier innocents but now those things don't matter only logic matters. But logic alone cannot feed the soul.

 

[BrianHarwarespecialist]

Another wrong reason people marry is to please family, and another is just because of physical attraction although physical attraction is important it is not the most important but honesty love and trust or the most important factors in a healthy relationship. If someone was in a fraud relationship they most likely never had these things and it's only a matter of time until the truth will surfaces and they will want to be themselves. Once this happens infidelity soons follows then all the excuses will come after it was her fault it was his fault. But because there was no genuine honestly to begin with in the first place, as time goes on these things will have less and less of a chance to evolve because the foundation was weak and never allowed for spiritual unification.

 

[Fraggle Rocker]

You even called her (him?)

No there is no him she is my spiritual companion.

Sorry. It was not obvious from your post. I'm just being a good American by not assuming that everyone is heterosexual.

It's not about her it's about how her presence motivated my feelings. What we all live for is inspiration not matter the source.

Everyone's different. We don't all live for the same thing.

Not to mention, "what we live for" often changes over the years and decades, especially for people who have children.

 

[Fraggle Rocker]

Counselling does not address the real issues instead they discuss cliches and facades that insult the intelligence of the participating members . . . .

Sounds like you've come in contact with some pretty incompetent psychologists (or other kinds of therapists). Many of them are very good.

Like any other profession, you should talk to people who have had dealings with them. Find out A) whether they felt that they were genuinely helped, and just as importantly B) whether what they needed was sufficiently similar to what you need so the same professional is likely to be able to help you too.

In my experience and observations, Jungians are the most effective. Their paradigm of "archetypes" appears to resonate very strongly with the way humans behave. It ought to, since it's based on studying thousands of years of our behavior and distilling out the constants.

 

[BrianHarwarespecialist]

I personally believe I don't need counselling. Maybe I could study more about Jung's work once I get the more important things in my life completed.

 

[Fraggle Rocker]

I personally believe I don't need counselling.

Then what is your alternative: to spend the rest of your life without a partner, while being overwhelmed by lamentation for the things that went wrong? That's one of the saddest ways to go out.

Are you truly so depressed that you can't imagine a happier life than the one you've got?

Maybe I could study more about Jung's work once I get the more important things in my life completed.

So you're saying that there are more important things in your life than making your life better???

You sure are a hard case. This is the kind of faux-introspection that I expect from teenagers--and not the majority of them.

I sure hope there aren't any kids close to you who regard you as a role model.

 

[BrianHarwarespecialist]

Then what is your alternative: to spend the rest of your life without a partner, while being overwhelmed by lamentation for the things that went wrong? That's one of the saddest ways to go out.

Are you truly so depressed that you can't imagine a happier life than the one you've got?So you're saying that there are more important things in your life than making your life better???

I have not been depressed for over 15 years I am proud of that accomplishment, I am happy this happened if I was with her then she may have just ruin the feelings I had for her this way she exist as a fantasy that has a literal equivalent I do not yet know I may never know but who knows. I got the best part out this "inspiration" and it helped to understand the theorectical parematers of an erternal bond with another human bieng, as well as understand unconditional love and nonphysical love and also monogymy and as well the insipration to have children. I have never before or after felt or desired any of these feelintegs, of course there are people I liked after or before but none to this intensity it just makes me feel good . I dont need the actually person around for long just to conversate with and have as a work companion thats it that will bring closure. Then I can finish my art a swan dive of my lifes work all in one am an artist I told you all this before so any place I can insipration I will take it. I have many options for mates just none with the unifying intensity I had that one time but I am willing to settle for almost and of course a real person with a beautiful personality perhaps a saint or mathematical prodigy gymnist or female chess grandmaster becuase I dont meet many women like that.









You sure are a hard case. This is the kind of faux-introspection that I expect from teenagers--and not the majority of them.

I sure hope there aren't any kids close to you who regard you as a role model.

?I think I am an exellent role model I am representing "truth to self" not self betrayal the latter leaves you feeling empty without inspiration.

 

[Fraggle Rocker]

I think I am an exellent role model I am representing "truth to self" not self betrayal the latter leaves you feeling empty without inspiration.

So if you found yourself in charge of a group of children (perhaps one of your close relatives dies and his/her children come to live with you because they have no one else to turn to), you would be proud to be their role model: an adult who chooses not to have a mate??? (For reasons that you still have not made clear.)

 

[Kristoffer]

So if you found yourself in charge of a group of children (perhaps one of your close relatives dies and his/her children come to live with you because they have no one else to turn to), you would be proud to be their role model: an adult who chooses not to have a mate??? (For reasons that you still have not made clear.)

So what exactly is wrong with choosing not to have a mate??? At the moment I choose not to have a mate, personal reasons I won't share here, so in your view I'd be a bad role model?

 

[Fraggle Rocker]

So what exactly is wrong with choosing not to have a mate??? At the moment I choose not to have a mate, personal reasons I won't share here, so in your view I'd be a bad role model?

Indeed. Mammals and birds--in fact almost all chordates--are programmed with the instinct to mate. It's one of the mechanisms by which the species survives. Many mammals do not form permanent mating bonds, but Homo sapiens happens to be one of the few that do. Our young have the longest maturation cycle of any mammal--roughly fifteen years, compared to five for elephants and only two for whales. This requires both parents to participate in raising the young for quite a long time, and the mate-bonding instinct is key to that.

Our species has several unique or nearly unique attributes that aid in the survival of our young. One unusual one (which we share with dolphins as well as our closest relatives, the chimpanzees) is that human females are capable of copulation when not in estrus. This is a tremendous aid in keeping fathers at home.

Most, if not all, of the children which you (either hypothetically or in reality--your prose is rather vague on the subject) are raising are going to have the standard set of instincts, which means that they will gravitate toward pair-bonding. They're going to need those fifteen years of parenting so that when they approach adulthood they'll be prepared for all of its aspects, including mating and parenting.

Being raised by a single parent is already a bit of a handicap; a single parent who has no desire to bring a mate into the home, even a succession of temporary mates, presents an even stronger handicap. One who does not even believe that having a mate is important, or actually believes that it's a bad idea, is going to be quite a challenge to the kids' maturation.

Obviously there are children who are raised this way, and many of them overcome the handicap and mature successfully. But many don't.

You keep making vague references to a strong reason for not choosing a mate. That's your business. But I do believe that the odds are very high that you would, indeed, not be a very good role model.

I'm not a good role model for children because I never wanted to have any. But I was careful to never actually have any, so it's not a problem for me or any hypothetical children.

You seem to think that you could raise children even though you don't even want a mother-figure in your life. Maybe you could. But why take the risk?

 

[Kristoffer]

Wow, aren't you full of bs. Jumping to conclusions, calling being raised by a single parent a handicap and other equally idiotic shit.

At some point in time I'd like to have a woman in my life again, but guess what, because I'm going through a shitty patch in my life I choose not to go out looking for the time being.

 

[cosmictotem]

"Soulmate" is a fiction we tell ourselves to make us feel special. The reality is who can know us better or meet our needs more than ourselves? Most relationships are a compromise on our needs. That's not to say relationships are bad but, due to having to satisfy differences in needs and desires, they are seldom fairy tales. Whereas, it's difficult to disagree with yourself or not like what you like.

 

[Fraggle Rocker]

"Soulmate" is a fiction we tell ourselves to make us feel special. The reality is who can know us better or meet our needs more than ourselves? Most relationships are a compromise on our needs. That's not to say relationships are bad but, due to having to satisfy differences in needs and desires, they are seldom fairy tales. Whereas, it's difficult to disagree with yourself or not like what you like.

Some people are much more adept at communication than others, not to mention much better at reading people by their body language, the things they like and don't like, etc. This makes it not quite so difficult to find a soul mate.

Not to mention, making any relationship work, whether it's husband-wife or artist-patron or buyer-seller, requires compromise. The inability to compromise is the biggest handicap in marriage or anything else.