Keep your friends close, your enemies closer

[takethewarhome]

I'd say that it all depends on who the enemy is.

 

[Grantywanty]

Keep your friends close, your enemies closer.

If I think about myself what I get out of this is not to be so damn honest with my enemies. I don't need to 'keep' my friends close, we have a natural attraction. We will come near each other at regular intervals. With my enemies I am more likely to push them away, avoid them, confront them, perhaps even involve others in the struggle with the enemy. To varying degrees these all seem like healthy things to do, perhaps, especially avoid them. The unifying quality in all these responses to the 'enemy' is that they are honest and open and they create (appartent) distance between me and the enemy. Some problems with this: an enemy does not necessarily deserve my honesty. If I show that I am aware of their intent they now have more information. They know the current situation. That can only help them in their enemyship. This next is rather personal, though I think others share this to some degree. This expression of awareness of our being enemies is honest. There is a kind of boundarilessness to it. To be honest about my reactions to an enemy is treating them consciously or not with respect. Especially the more open, confrontative expressions. If I get angry and express it at my enemy on some psychological level this is intimate and respectful. It is a first step towards reconciliation. It is a revealing of who I am in a more profound way than, for example, not letting on that I know what they are up to.

Why should I trust my enemy with my real reactions?

I have found sometimes that inside what seemed like an expression of anger was also a yearning for reconciliation or for them to acknowledge that what they had been doing was wrong or I was the wrong target for such things. In a relationship with a friend or a romantic relationship, this is all just peachy. Or can be. We can work through whatever it is to a better intimacy and understanding. To pretend I am not angry at a friend is a seed for somethign that does not go away. To be honest with an enemy is to deny that they are an enemy. I think sometimes this can be a good thing to do. If you have the power, safety, self-awareness and so on, being direct and treating an enemy like an enemy can be fine. But often it might be better to not reveal a damn thing. In a sense it is self-trust and a good boundary.

Even avoiding an enemy can be noticed and abused by that enemy. And often it is just what the enemy wants: more space and territory for them, less for you.