Firstly, your marital status does not really mean anything in this instance as you are the father of the child. Neither does the fact that she happens to be divorced.?
I would say she being married and divorced within the same year is a direct reflection of her instability.
Secondly, you are the father of the child, and are therefore bound to be responsible for it, be it financially and/or physically.?
That's all I want to do is be there for the baby, finacially, physically, mentally, soulfully, etc.
Thirdly, unless you can prove that she would be an unfit mother, she will most likely be granted custody of the child and if the two of you can come to some other arrangement, such as a 50/50 or joint custody, then that might be the way to go. Her mental illness can and will be taken into consideration if there is a risk that she will or could harm the child. A psychiatric evaluation might be needed to determine this, and after the child is born, social services may pay her constant visits to ensure the child is receiving the proper care. You can apply for full custody and/or joint custody, but I would advise you to get full and proper legal advice before attempting to do so.
You know I was thinking that since the courts act on "best interest" of the child, than wouldn't the more mentally and financially fit parent be granted custody since it would be in the "best interest" of child. I hope that IF we go to court the psychiatist deem the act of self-harm as evident proof that the baby maybe in harm, thats logical isn't it, considering that she was "cutting" not less than a couple of months ago. How can she care for a child fulltime if she can't care for herself?
Fourthly, you say you work and are healthy. All well and good, but would you be able to care for a child on a full time basis and still be able to financially support said child if you did have full custody? That would be one of the things you would have to look into before applying to the court for full custody. Would the child be left in child care? What role would you want the mother to have in the child's life? ?
If I had full custody I wouldn't try to deny the mother of the child of her visitation rights. I would work out a schedule in something along the lines of the mother watches her while I'm working and when I get back I get our baby. That would brake down to a 65%percent of time with me and 35% of time with her. Mind you this is just an unrefined idea of schedule.
If the mother was not as you describe her, would you still be applying for full custody? Do you fear for the child's safety and wellbeing in the care of the mother? Do you think she could harm the child or not be able to care for it at all (keep in mind that there are mothers who are severely disabled and still able to care properly for their car, so her level of pain cannot really be counted on for comparison)? Have you considered that the pregnancy could be causing her current depression? Remember that early pregnancy is quite hard on a woman's body, considering the hormonal upheaval and the fear of what is to come. Pregnancy is a very stressful period for a woman and it could be that it is the hormones and the worry of her own medical condition that has virtually rendered her silent.
If the mother was not in her condition I would not apply for full custody whereas she could sufficiently and properly take care of the child and be able to give it the love it needs. I would fear for wellbeing of the child. I fear mentally she could break down and do something irrational to endanger our child. The analogy of car and care isn't the best of analogy for the disabled will hire someone to wash the car, change the oil, and in some cases even pump the gas, etc. She doesn't have anyone full time to do those things for her and the baby. Her depression has always been there but shes taking pills. I believe that the rise in hormones counteract the current pills she is taking now, I don't think she knows that. If I tell her, she'll probably blow up on me.
Have you tried to ask her or talk to her about what, exactly, might be the problem before you start considering legal proceedings about the custody of the child?
Believe me my man, I've tried and tried, she can't come up with a logical answer and she isn't even talking me anymore..its been a few days. I just want to prep myself for the worse and hope for the best. Honestly I just want us to be together to raise this family in harmony.
I am curious about one thing however. You say you fell in love with her because she is pretty, etc... so you considered her good enough or well enough to be in a relationship with her, but you do not trust her to raise your child? Why?
Yeah, she's pretty. Was really sweet and kind and caring before too. Again, I fell in love with her before I found out about all these issues. I told her I would help her get through the distress and disorders. She is good enough to be in a relationship with me, I'm a grown adult and blessed with the insight, and care to help an openmind, her openmind. In the case of raising a child herself alone, that's a different story, the baby will never get out of the crib and say, "Mommy, I understand your pain and your instabilities, I am here to help you. I will help with your mental excercises, your physical excercises, I am here to comfort your mind, and help free your spirit..." The baby can never do that, I'm more than willing to her and the baby, but I can't help her if she denies it. I can only fight for the protection of my child.
So why are you asking complete strangers on an internet forum what your chances are? Would it not be more prudent to take your lawyers advice instead of insulting the people on said forum who told you what they thought after you asked them for their advice or any information they may have on the matter?
True, but I also said "Before you give any advice be aware of the validity of the advice you will give." I asked for advice and help, I got naysay and discouragement, now I'm not upset, I don't blame them, so do not blame me if I challenge a thought.