Jokes and Funny Stories II
- Thread starter Billy T
- Start date
Me: “Hello. How can I help you today?”
Customer: “My ‘wifis’ are all locked.”
Me: “Okay… let me see what you mean here.”
(The customer pulls out their [Smartphone] and shows that there are lock symbols on all of the wifi networks openly broadcasting in the area.)
Me: “Yes, these lock symbols mean that you have to login to the wifi network with a password.”
Customer: “Password? What password? Wifis need a password? I’ve never used a password.”
Me: “Does your home wifi not have a password?”
Customer: “Which one is my home wifi?”
Me: “Well, none of these. We have a wifi access point here in the store…”
(I demonstrate to the customer how to log onto a wifi using the store’s own broadcasting wireless network.)
Me: “But your home wifi will only be at your house. Not here. Do you know what your home wifi network is called?”
Customer: “Why can’t I use any of these other ones?”
Me: “These are just local wifi spots that are locked, with passwords, by their owners to keep people from freely using them.”
Customer: “But wifi is supposed to be free, and I was told that I would have access to wifi with my new device.”
Me: “Well, wifi isn’t always free. In places like Starbucks or McDonalds you’ll have free wifi that they pay for, but typical home networks, and even your 4G or 3G networks aren’t technically free. So, what you’ll have to do is go to your house, figure out what your home wifi is called, login to it by finding it on this list in your phone, and enter in the password if you have one.”
Customer: “So… what’s my wifi password, then? I don’t think I have one.”
Me: “I couldn’t tell you. That would be something you or you Internet provider would know.”
Customer: “My provider is you guys.”
Me: “Your home Internet provider.”
Customer: “See, I don’t understand. Wifis are free, so why? When I use my wife’s laptop, I just go to the Internet. There’s no passwords for the Internet. Where would I need to use a password for FREE wifi?”
Me: “Well, unless you’re stealing someone else’s unsecured wifi, you would have to have a network that you yourself are broadcasting, paying for, and connecting to that would either have or not have a wifi password involved. But again, I’m sorry, I wouldn’t be able to tell you that information. Your home cable or Internet provider would be responsible.”
Customer: “So do I have wifi or not?”
Me: “No. No, you don’t. Not if you don’t know what it is.”
Customer: “Why isn’t there some technical thing? You know I’m not good with this computer stuff, but I wish there was some technical thing that would just tell you what the password is. Everyone gets free wifi, but I’m the one with all the problems. I think it’s the phone.”
Me: “No, it’s not. Could you check on your home wifi for me and let me know what provider you have? I think I could get a pretty good idea of the problem with that information at least.”
Customer: “Okay. Yeah, I can do that. I’ll check with the wife. She’s better at this stuff.”
Customer: “My ‘wifis’ are all locked.”
Me: “Okay… let me see what you mean here.”
(The customer pulls out their [Smartphone] and shows that there are lock symbols on all of the wifi networks openly broadcasting in the area.)
Me: “Yes, these lock symbols mean that you have to login to the wifi network with a password.”
Customer: “Password? What password? Wifis need a password? I’ve never used a password.”
Me: “Does your home wifi not have a password?”
Customer: “Which one is my home wifi?”
Me: “Well, none of these. We have a wifi access point here in the store…”
(I demonstrate to the customer how to log onto a wifi using the store’s own broadcasting wireless network.)
Me: “But your home wifi will only be at your house. Not here. Do you know what your home wifi network is called?”
Customer: “Why can’t I use any of these other ones?”
Me: “These are just local wifi spots that are locked, with passwords, by their owners to keep people from freely using them.”
Customer: “But wifi is supposed to be free, and I was told that I would have access to wifi with my new device.”
Me: “Well, wifi isn’t always free. In places like Starbucks or McDonalds you’ll have free wifi that they pay for, but typical home networks, and even your 4G or 3G networks aren’t technically free. So, what you’ll have to do is go to your house, figure out what your home wifi is called, login to it by finding it on this list in your phone, and enter in the password if you have one.”
Customer: “So… what’s my wifi password, then? I don’t think I have one.”
Me: “I couldn’t tell you. That would be something you or you Internet provider would know.”
Customer: “My provider is you guys.”
Me: “Your home Internet provider.”
Customer: “See, I don’t understand. Wifis are free, so why? When I use my wife’s laptop, I just go to the Internet. There’s no passwords for the Internet. Where would I need to use a password for FREE wifi?”
Me: “Well, unless you’re stealing someone else’s unsecured wifi, you would have to have a network that you yourself are broadcasting, paying for, and connecting to that would either have or not have a wifi password involved. But again, I’m sorry, I wouldn’t be able to tell you that information. Your home cable or Internet provider would be responsible.”
Customer: “So do I have wifi or not?”
Me: “No. No, you don’t. Not if you don’t know what it is.”
Customer: “Why isn’t there some technical thing? You know I’m not good with this computer stuff, but I wish there was some technical thing that would just tell you what the password is. Everyone gets free wifi, but I’m the one with all the problems. I think it’s the phone.”
Me: “No, it’s not. Could you check on your home wifi for me and let me know what provider you have? I think I could get a pretty good idea of the problem with that information at least.”
Customer: “Okay. Yeah, I can do that. I’ll check with the wife. She’s better at this stuff.”
(A customer calls in to a bank call center.)
Customer: “I need to make a deposit.”
Me: “I can certainly help you with that deposit. What do we need to deposit? Cash, check, money order?”
Customer: “I need to deposit money.”
Me: “What type of deposit? There are different ways to make a deposit depending on what you need to deposit.”
Customer: “I need to deposit cash.”
Me: “I can find you the closest ATM so you can make your cash deposit.”
Customer: “You mean I have to go somewhere to make the deposit?”
Me: “Yes, if you are depositing cash.”
Customer: “Well, can’t I just deposit it over the phone?!”
Me: No, I’m sorry. There is not a way to deposit cash over the phone.”
Customer: “What kind of service is this?” *click*
(A customer calls up asking to order reprints over the phone. She is very pleasant and the order is completed smoothly. She indicates that she would like to pay over the phone, which is fine. I go to the front phone and register to take her information and ring her out.)
Me: “Okay. Your total comes to [total] with tax.”
Caller: “I have four $20 bills.”
Me: “I’m sorry. I don’t think I heard you correctly. How would you like to pay?”
Caller: “With cash. That way I can’t overspend. I have four $20 bills to use.”
Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am. I cannot take cash over the phone. We take all major credit cards, or you can pay by cash when you pick up your order.”
Caller: “No. This is ridiculous. You’ll be busy when I pick it up. I just want to pay now and get it out of the way.”
Me: “I understand. We accept all major credit cards. I am ready whenever you are to complete the sale.”
Caller: “I’m not giving you that! You’re just trying to steal my credit card! I want to pay cash!”
Me: “If you would like to pay cash, you can come in and pay when you pick up the order. I cannot take cash over the phone.”
Caller: “But I have cash! My husband can tell you I have it right here!”
Me: “I believe you, but there is no way for me to accept your cash unless you come to the store in person. You are welcome to do that. Pre-paying is an option, not a requirement.”
Caller: “I want to pay now!”
(This continues for several minutes, until she finally decides to speak to my manager. Ultimately, she cancels the order, demanding that our company becomes more willing to accommodate multiple methods of payment in the future!)
Customer: “I need to make a deposit.”
Me: “I can certainly help you with that deposit. What do we need to deposit? Cash, check, money order?”
Customer: “I need to deposit money.”
Me: “What type of deposit? There are different ways to make a deposit depending on what you need to deposit.”
Customer: “I need to deposit cash.”
Me: “I can find you the closest ATM so you can make your cash deposit.”
Customer: “You mean I have to go somewhere to make the deposit?”
Me: “Yes, if you are depositing cash.”
Customer: “Well, can’t I just deposit it over the phone?!”
Me: No, I’m sorry. There is not a way to deposit cash over the phone.”
Customer: “What kind of service is this?” *click*
(A customer calls up asking to order reprints over the phone. She is very pleasant and the order is completed smoothly. She indicates that she would like to pay over the phone, which is fine. I go to the front phone and register to take her information and ring her out.)
Me: “Okay. Your total comes to [total] with tax.”
Caller: “I have four $20 bills.”
Me: “I’m sorry. I don’t think I heard you correctly. How would you like to pay?”
Caller: “With cash. That way I can’t overspend. I have four $20 bills to use.”
Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am. I cannot take cash over the phone. We take all major credit cards, or you can pay by cash when you pick up your order.”
Caller: “No. This is ridiculous. You’ll be busy when I pick it up. I just want to pay now and get it out of the way.”
Me: “I understand. We accept all major credit cards. I am ready whenever you are to complete the sale.”
Caller: “I’m not giving you that! You’re just trying to steal my credit card! I want to pay cash!”
Me: “If you would like to pay cash, you can come in and pay when you pick up the order. I cannot take cash over the phone.”
Caller: “But I have cash! My husband can tell you I have it right here!”
Me: “I believe you, but there is no way for me to accept your cash unless you come to the store in person. You are welcome to do that. Pre-paying is an option, not a requirement.”
Caller: “I want to pay now!”
(This continues for several minutes, until she finally decides to speak to my manager. Ultimately, she cancels the order, demanding that our company becomes more willing to accommodate multiple methods of payment in the future!)
(A customer has called during our peak morning hours. As all our technicians are busy, he leaves a message saying he cannot log in to his computer. I phone the customer, who is out on the road.)
Me: “Hi, [Customer]. It’s [My Name] from [Company]. I understand you can’t get into your computer?”
Customer: “Yes. I go into my emails and it doesn’t work.”
Me: “Okay so you can get into your computer but not your emails?”
Customer: “Yes.”
Me: “Okay, so it prompts you for the password but won’t log in?”
Customer: “That’s right.”
Me: “Unfortunately you have to speak to [Email Provider] as they host your emails. I have no access to their systems.”
Customer: “Ah, okay. Do you have a number for them?”
Me: “Certainly, it’s—”
Customer: “Can you email it to me?”
Me: “Hi, [Customer]. It’s [My Name] from [Company]. I understand you can’t get into your computer?”
Customer: “Yes. I go into my emails and it doesn’t work.”
Me: “Okay so you can get into your computer but not your emails?”
Customer: “Yes.”
Me: “Okay, so it prompts you for the password but won’t log in?”
Customer: “That’s right.”
Me: “Unfortunately you have to speak to [Email Provider] as they host your emails. I have no access to their systems.”
Customer: “Ah, okay. Do you have a number for them?”
Me: “Certainly, it’s—”
Customer: “Can you email it to me?”
Last edited by a moderator:
[video=youtube;wbrbrzT56pU]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wbrbrzT56pU[/video]
Last edited by a moderator:
Last edited by a moderator:
