We are certainly outsiders, but contacting us seems like the least productive course of action given that t-c never takes our advice on any topic. And advice is all that we can do, given none of us knows t-c's particulars.
how do i deal with domestic abuse
- Thread starter theorist-constant12345
- Start date
Or whether it is a totally made-up lie to get attention/sympathy.
At this point it seems pretty clear that TC has no intent of getting/seeking actual help in this matter, for reasons that are his own... much as it sucks, that is his choice and his alone; we cannot force him to get help, much like we cannot force him to see/understand science.
Fraggle Rocker
Staff member
Unfortunately, this is very common in domestic abuse cases. It's very difficult to make the decision to have your spouse arrested. In a country that hasn't yet accepted the fact that women can be abusers, it's even more difficult because of the disrespect he'll get from the authorities when he files his complaint.
In the USA in my day (the 1950s), it was not uncommon for mothers to abuse their children. Not just spanking (which will probably be illegal here 10 or 20 years from now), but serious violence like hitting them with heavy kitchen utensils or flogging them with a broom handle. It's been suggested that they weren't so much angry at the children, but at their husbands, who trapped them into a domestic life by getting them pregnant in the first place. In those days it was difficult for a woman to earn enough money in the labor market to pay for child care in addition to all the other job-related expenses. Many mothers genuinely felt trapped.
Corporate America kept inventing new, more powerful and easier-to-use household appliances like dishwashers and clothes driers. Certainly that made their domestic jail less exhausting and it gave them some time to read magazines or even visit friends a few times a week. But they were still stuck in their jail, especially when the kids were home. I was in high school before my mother finally felt comfortable letting me come home to an empty house while she was at her office job. She had never even bothered to learn to drive; trying to master that skill in her mid-40s amounted to terrorizing every other driver on the road.
Call me jaded but with TC saying he wants to talk about the 'science' of abuse, I don't believe he was abused. He has said he is a hermit. Then he says he has kids. Then today he said he went outside and talked to other people for the first time in a long time. Nothing he has said on this site has been factual so far, so I frankly do not believe he is being factual now.
True. However, we can try.
I know, if it had been just about anyone but TC. Not to mention he seems more interested indiscussing the science than addressing a problem involving serious violence against him? Come on....
Unfortunately that's a fairly common pattern - a call for help followed by "well I don't really want help" followed by an attempt to distract back to another topic. They feel they have to tell someone right after the incident, then they often start justifying it to themselves - "it wasn't all that bad" "I'll be fine" "she will calm down" "if I just don't do X she won't hit me again" - and then decide that it's easier and safer to not get help or take any action.
I do not disagree. TC has been so disingenuous that I have trouble believing anything he says. Regardless, the advice given to him was correct I think and that is the best that we can do. If it is true, and he was abused, hopefully he will take the advice, because the odds are the abuse will not stop.
Again, can I suggest you stop with the nonsense and deal with your much larger and more imminent problems? The Internet may be a good escape but it also may be distracting you from solving your real-world problems.
My real world problems is I am a nobody with no money or prospects, education is not a waste, I may just find something or it may aid me in getting a job in something different than hard labour.
Per your other thread you have much bigger problems, namely imminent physical threats to yourself and your children. Fix that first.
Kiss and made up was a one off, I provoked it. I got drunk for the first time in a long time.
Please do not make the mistake of blaming yourself for someone else's violence. It is not your fault - but history indicates it will be repeated for as long as you allow it to.
Wrong thread ., if you have points to try to make go to the appropriate section.
OK, now posting in this thread -
Unfortunately I have known a few people who have been in abusive relationships, and quite often they blame themselves. "It was my fault, I got drunk/stayed out too late/didn't empty the garbage." They deny it's a big deal. They want to change the subject. You are now doing all these things, which unfortunately means you are following the same pattern.
And in this case it's not just you - you have your children to think about. Again, step away from the keyboard. Stop posting the silly physics bullshit and get the help you and your family need.
I did. Again, I suggest you stop with the pseudoscience bullshit and take care of what's important. More details in the other thread.
I understand you'and if it were not a one off then I would not blame myself. However provoking my partner I got what I deserved. I was a drunken idiot , I don't drink and I got drunk, drink wants banning,billvyoupost: 3280957 said: