Giambattista said:
I could tell that he liked me (we were both guys, and still are, HAHA), but I could also see that these false requirements for being a "man" required him to pretend that I really didn't mean all that much to him, even though I that he liked me above and beyond what would ordinarily be expected of a "man". It was as if there was some invisible eye that was watching every action of his and determining what was masculine or not, and he was performing, as it were, for that unseen eye.
I KNEW without a doubt it was a lie. But he played along with it. I wasn't the only person that noticed. Other people commented about the "show" he was putting on.
Well, let me tell you about my experiences in a little town where I worked for some time as a young trainee, several years ago.
There were 10 young guys in that office in all, between the ages 19 and 22. There were five older men (in the latter part of their youth) – all married. There were app. 20 young girls in that office. Most of my interaction was with the young guys (and somewhat with the girls), and I used to talk about masculinity, and sexual bonds between men was only a part of the issues I raised. 6 out of the 9 other guys working there made discreet advances towards me --- just like the one you've described --- including the most macho guy of the town (who had developed a strong attachment with me), thinking I may be open to such bonds.
I had a fight with two of the remaining young guys early on --- I did not have much interaction with one of them afterwards. The other kept being a pain in the neck.
The last guy was different. He tried to put me down --- you know they are in every group --- the sissies who cry 'gay', 'gay', whenever someone tries to raise such issues or violate the 'heteroseuxality' of the air. I dealt with him in a typical macho style and he never dared to meddle with me again. He did not have enough powers (that hang in the heterosexual air!) that such males in heterosexual societies enjoy.
What is significant is that he was the softest guy in the pack, bordering on effeminate --- even when he was hairy and kept a moustache.
It was amusing to see the other guys talking shit about him behind his back --- calling him a 'eunuch' in the local language --- which is an abuse thousand times worse than 'fag' --- reason, he spent most of his time in the girls group (although he had a reason --- he was terribly in love with one of the girls!)
I was never any different from the rest of the straight guys --- and never been treated differently. I was one of them. No one ever called me gay. Althoough once or twice they used the term homo-sex, but that was not in a sense of an identity, it was something that any boy was capable of enjoying (although it's still stigmatised!)
Being in a western or a heterosexualised space in my own country angers me a lot, because they force me either to take the heterosexual identity or be tell that I'm different as a 'bisexual' or even 'gay' man. It all seems so unnatural to me --- and so disempowering! Apparently, the rest of the guys would feel the same disempowerment in a heterosexual set up and to deal with it they will then be forced to take on a heterosexual identity. The heterosexualisation has such a 'scaring' psychological effect they will need to continuously distance themselves from 'gay' men in order to save their teeth. The only difference between them and me is that I have decided to take on the heterosexual society, because I have knowledge, and the courage which comes with it --- and the fact that I can see heterosexual society for what it is --- a disaster for men.
Coming back to my experiences, one of the guys that I had a fight with (the one which was a pain in the neck --- that he never used my talking about sexual bonds between men as my vulnerability or to settle scores with me says a lot about the difference between my society and yours), he was late to realise that thing about male-male bonds, and when he did he became extremely friendly and one day wanted to invite me over to his house for a beer, and said I could sleep over (I turned down his offer!). He gave me such a different hug at office that I knew what was going on.
And still I was never different from the rest of the guys. It was the one who spent his time with the girls that was different.
The suppressed desires of men that became visible to me after they trusted me with its silent expression represent the true nature of men all over the world. Men are intrinsicly the same everywhere. It's the social pressures that force them to be heterosexuals in the west (though as there are enough evidences, behind the heterosexual mask they are still the same……as also your experiences show)
The other guy I'd a fight with had left the organisation, so I didn't really know about him. I did not have much interaction with the older guys, but two of the five men married men made suppressed advances, one of them too crudely.
All this while the organisation I worked for continued to quietly heterosexualise the society in the disguise of working on women's rights --- they were openly anti-men (the organisation worked on women's gender issues with US money). Most people --- boys and girls worked with them not because they agreed with what they were doing (they often disagreed, especially the boys, but because our country has a huge unemployment problem and they need jobs!) The 'owner' of the organsation was a man who called himself a 'heterosexual' and was western educated.
This experience made me analyse my earier experiences in life --- and then I could understand a lot of things about straight men that I had previously not really thought about (like all of us) – even though they were inconsistent with what we are told about male sexual behaviour. Such experiences were repeated year after year as I continued to work on these issues.
Try not to come across so arrogant (black and white) in your next argument, instead use inductive reasoning and a lot of questions to get the other party thinking instead of defensive.