Daddys' Little Soldier

Orthogonal

Your last post explained a lot and my empathy circuits have cooled (God being you smarts! ;) ) And it looks like we all get better in the end. The interesting thing is how we perceive what better is !

I was counselling a boy in work a couple of months ago who for a four year period was sexually abused by an uncle. This happened when he was very young and he had a problem about going into any therapy. His reason ? He enjoyed it. Not in a 'I can't wait to go back and get me some more' Kind of way just, listening to him explain it so rationally it opened my eyes a little in the sense that he was having pleasure centres in his body stimulated. He was never forced or threatened and saw it as a thing everybody did. so he didn't really see the need to do as his partner and doctor were telling him and seek help.
This is not everybodies story, tho in a similar vein, many men who were raped as adults have a harder time coming to terms with their own erection and/or orgasm rather than the rape itself.

More power to ya mate and if we think you could possibly be a little gaga sometimes you just keep that knowing smile going.

Live long and prosper
Bill :D
 
re parents

We have talked about our dads, now lets not forget our mums, my mum was a wonderful mother, when i was born she was on her own as i hav said before as my dad did not want me, i was brought up by my nan and grandad, and my mum, she worked to try to give my everything that she could,and so did my grandad, when i needed somthing i got it i would have had to wait for it for a while but in theend i got it, i was always well clothed well fed, and had mates, my mates where always welcome into my nans house, the biggest blow came when i was five my grandad died, and that left just my nan and my mum, things changed a lot but that did not matter to me, i still had the two people who i loved, and my grandad was always there in my heart, my mum kept on working ,and getting me things, i had a good childhood, up until he came bake when i was nine years old, the rest i try to forget.
 
bbc
Okay, weve had our differences and I am truly. truly sorry about your dad. I experienced the same thing - but with my mom. She didnt only horribly abuse me as a child, she let others abuse me as well without intervening. As a child and teenager, I struggled alot with my identity and sexuality. But now that Im older, I dont hate her or the people that hurt me when I was young. I mean, did you ever think that maybe your dad was struggling with his own problems and didnt know what he was doing to you was
as bad as it seemed? I dont hate my parents for doing what they did to me, I feel sorry that they didnt have enough strength to stop themselves. And the hell that their dealing with is enough revenge for me. I mean, odviously the people that hurt so KNOW that it is wrong and it had to cross their minds. I found that when a person hurts another, over half the time it is not intentional. They just dont know any better. Or they dont care becuase of the sadness that overwhelms them.
Hope this provides a little insight from a different view. Peace:)
 
stRgrL

We meet again, and thank you for your words they hold more wisdom for me than you know.

I felt the sadness in him that you describe and have gone thru' all of the permutations as to how both he and I could have made things different/better. None of them were really on the cards. That's not the point tho. I recognised his limitations and the disappointment and the fear. To me its more about not perpetuating that, and if I ever had a child I hope I would never try to make it better for me by molding them.

By not instilling my perceived inadequacies into the upbringing of the child in order to eliminate them in me.
That's what was happening. That's what he knew was happening and that's what he allowed himself to do. He could have stopped. He could have just accepted. He could haev refused to continually compare me to his friends kids... He didn't.

Objectivity is to my mind the 'prime directive' of the parent

Long life and peace to you and yours and forgive any head chewing of late


:) ;) :D
 
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Im very happy to see your not mad at me anymore:D I think you should have children. I think you would make a great parent. Ive found alot of people turn out exactly like the parent they hated so much. I myself, turned out the exact opposite and I think I do a pretty good job at raising my daughter. Maybe bad things happened to me so I could be wise and strong enough to prevent them from happening to my daughter (?) Anyhoo, take care.

Groove On!:cool:
 
stRgrL

Seems like were having the same conversation in two threads. Every good fairy should fly over you and your child. For me I have a nephew and two neices whom I adore and cherish

(And then give back :D )

They will probably be enough for me now, God knows my two cats are a big enough handful. Just today I'm following them both with a mop and bucket after some kind of throwing up bug. You ever been in the middle of a stereo cat puke session?
Booka wooka booka wooka waaa!:rolleyes:

Vive la motherhood
:D
 
I disagree, or do I ?
No you're right,or are you? Am I right and do I have the right to say I'm wrong and you're right? Or am I wrong in righting wrongs you feel are right?

Write and let me know:D
 
My thoughts

Parents, in my opinion, should pass on, insight, wisdom and advice.
It is not their place to try to make you what they never were.
 
brothers and sisters

We have talked about parents,now what about brothers and sisters, i think i have a half brother,dont really know and dont really care, now i have two sisters, and i would have died for both of them, but ever since my sisters got married i have been excluded out of there childrens life, dont know why, they take them to my fathers, but dont come to see me, and it has been like that for eleven years, the things i did for my sisters when i was younger, well i wont go into it i dont want to scare anyone, my younger sister got married it lasted two weeks yes i said two weeks, she was seeing someone else, and he was married, with two kids, there is a lot more i can tell you all about my sisters and father but i'll wait for now.
 
Ya, I have half brothers and sisters that I really dont see either. Maybe your sisters dont know that it bothers you not to see your nieces and nephews. Maybe you should talk to her and tell her it hurts to be excluded. Maybe it was just a misunderstanding:)


Groove on
 
My brother

My brother is seven years older than me.
He was the biggest role-model for me, for the longest time.
Teacher, friend, protector, tormentor.

I would be a different and less adjusted person if it were not for him.

Now he has a son of one year old, who I've never seen.
Oh, the things we should make time for.
Time is the fire in which we burn.
 
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