I suppose I should clear something up... I'm coming clean everywhere else, because I really do have problems of my own, and even if no one here has earned the truth, or could be relied upon to help me with my problems, or cares either way, I'm trying to overcome my own flaws and weaknesses as a person, and it's not like owning up to something other than what I already have could make our interactions here any worse than they already are. We both know that I bother you all a lot, and despite what I've said about what mood I'm in (there is that fun, but like everything else I've posted here, it's only a tiny part of something bigger and more complex), we all know you bother me, too. I mean, I've told you that I'll come back at my leisure, but... well, this isn't leisure in the slightest. Despite all of the trouble I have given the people here, I am not a troll, but if I keep allowing these mistakes to happen, and allowing the personal flaws that cause them to exist, if I were to become an internet troll, that would be almost nothing compared to the thoughtless monster I could become, especially given all of the things I'm now trying to do with my life.
Perhaps you would have figured part of the following out in the "treasure," had you looked, but even that does not tell the whole story, nor will this post here tell the whole story of the "treasure." "Xanatos Gambit" or not, I made a mistake on the very first page of this thread. I'm sure you'd all laugh at me for whatever part of my long, melodramatic, painfully accurate and detailed life story I could give you, and I'm already facing that everywhere else, so I'll try to keep the context, and the confession explained by said context, short (whatever that means, for my posts; this stuff could take up whole pages of posts here, if I posted their original text in these boxes):
For a long time in my life, I denied myself the ability to feel emotions, and for the most part, I actually succeeded. I saw that everyone else would rather feel secure than know whatever horrible truths they didn't want to deal with, and as a result, none of the problems would get solved. Everything from denying overwhelming evidence to "political correctness gone too far" was just a tool for everyone to use, to excuse themselves from having to solve anything, because trying to solve anything felt uncomfortable. As such, I saw emotions as nothing more than an obstacle to reasonable thinking, and I just shut them all out of my conscious mind. As for myself? I had my cold, hard logic intact, just like I wanted, but during that time, I was doing nothing to solve the problems I could see with said cold, hard logic. This was, unfortunately, compounded by my sense of self-worth. Due to various "identity" issues involving personal growth being wasted in directions that were just plain wrong, including my childhood (back then, I really was crazy, and the people here saw the death throes of that insanity almost a decade ago) and the fake personae I had to adopt just to get through high school, I had no personal development that I could actually use, and so, when I was finally free from the social pressures of my teenage years, I tried for the first time to just be myself, and all I could see of myself was weakness and worthlessness. Without going into too much detail about how little that changed for the next four years, I ended up repressing a lot of anger when a group of so-called "friends" turned out to be psychopaths (manipulative ones, as described before), and last fall, when they finally pushed me too far, I stood up to them (in case you're wondering, even though I knew, even back then, that force is the only option when dealing with a psychopath, I couldn't be violent with them even if I had intended to be, all things considered). Dealing with them meant that, for the first time in my life, I had not just stood up for the ideals I always wanted to uphold, but I had also, in the same situation, shed a delusion (that these people were my friends, or even redeemable people), and faced an uncomfortable truth (that they were actually psychopaths).
That experience changed me, though I couldn't see it at first. For a while, I kept telling myself that I was still the same person I was, someone who wanted to die, but didn't have the guts to kill himself (as I had been as a child, since I was six years old; I actually remember threatening suicide when things got really bad during the initial fiasco here, but in truth, that was nothing special; I figured, if I really wanted to die anyway, I might as well accomplish something, anything at all, with a suicide I felt was probably inevitable). Yet, while I was telling myself these things, I had started to take on trolls on the internet (I started on the Atheist Republic FB page, where John Fontes had been a nuisance for so long), declaring a personal war on any shameless bully who just wanted to make people suffer and hold the world back by beating down anyone who tried improving things (Yes, I'd say that you people are bullies, and yes, I also made some heart-felt confessions of my flaws to Fontes whenever my flaws resulted in mistakes, and it didn't take this long, either. Never mind the fact that I was still one of the few people he truly feared to go up against in a debate, even after said confessions; instead, think about the fact that I made my first such confession about a week after I first engaged John Fontes in conversation, compared to how long it's taken me to open up in the same way to you guys.). About two months ago, after all of this energy and vigor started to build up, I realized that, now that I was finally standing up for my ideals, I was feeling again, and the two fed on each other, and helped each other grow.
And now, the confession: With these emotions being so new to me, and yet so euphoric and powerful, I was far too hasty, and yes, maybe even unwittingly narcissistic, just by talking about my refutation in the grand way I did. The "treasure" can tell you what my refutation truly is, and what it will be until I gather some of the data I've scattered on FB and compile it into a presentable form, completely replacing what I've already given here. I have to own up to this problem, and face it, just like you all have your problems to own up to, and face.