Coming out as an Atheist

G

Gondolin

Hell hath no fury like squid
Registered Senior Member
Has anybody had any experience with this? I've been an atheist since I was 17, but I've never had the guts to tell my family. They're all theists and I'm afraid they would look down on me if I came out and told them this.

Right now I feel like it's better if they don't know. It just makes things easier, but I'm going to get to the point where I'm gonna have to tell them and I was just wondering if anybody here has had to do what I'm talking about.

Most of my friends know... that is the ones I can trust to keep their mouths shut.

Any experiences would be great.
 
Gondolin said:
Has anybody had any experience with this? I've been an atheist since I was 17, but I've never had the guts to tell my family. They're all theists and I'm afraid they would look down on me if I came out and told them this.

Right now I feel like it's better if they don't know. It just makes things easier, but I'm going to get to the point where I'm gonna have to tell them and I was just wondering if anybody here has had to do what I'm talking about.

Most of my friends know... that is the ones I can trust to keep their mouths shut.

Any experiences would be great.
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I was sorta lucky, I became an atheist when I was around 14 and in that rebellious teen state where I didn't give a fuck what my family thought (a state I regret very much today :(). My parents, being Muslims and our family knowing a strong Muslim community in NYC, were of course scandalized, but they got over it.. sort of. If I ever say I'm not a Muslim these days, they say "Don't say that!" and it's simply not a topic that's brought up. I don't eat non-halal meat or drinking alcohol in their presence out of respect.

In the end though, we're family. And we still care about each other and that's what matters. Nothing is different except that I don't participate in prayers and stuff.

For you, it'll depend on just how extreme your parents and relatives are and whether or not you can cope with the pressure. Are they very strict when it comes to religion?

EDIT: Also, do you live in the US and if so, where?
 
Yeah, I'm kinda in the same boat. Good friends know (yes, Ashley too :cool:), but I haven't blatantly told my parents. Having said that, I'm not afraid to, I just don't see the point in being so dramatic about it. I think they have an idea though; they've seen me reading The God Delusion and asked about it. After I said, "It's the most intellectually satisfying book I've ever read," my dad responded, "Yeah, it's only fair to consider the other point of view."...which is admirable especially compared to other theists' more likely responses, but still very close minded (the sentence was said with a hint of almost pity towards the utterly hopeless and confused "other side").

It will come out to who matters in due time.
 
ashura said:
I was sorta lucky, I became an atheist when I was around 14 and in that rebellious teen state where I didn't give a fuck what my family thought (a state I regret very much today :(). My parents, being Muslims and our family knowing a strong Muslim community in NYC, were of course scandalized, but they got over it.. sort of. If I ever say I'm not a Muslim these days, they say "Don't say that!" and it's simply not a topic that's brought up. I don't eat non-halal meat or drinking alcohol in their presence out of respect.

In the end though, we're family. And we still care about each other and that's what matters. Nothing is different except that I don't participate in prayers and stuff.

For you, it'll depend on just how extreme your parents and relatives are and whether or not you can cope with the pressure. Are they very strict when it comes to religion?

EDIT: Also, do you live in the US and if so, where?
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I don't want to say they're strict christians to the point where I'll be shunned and forgotten about. They raised me and my biggest fear is dissapointing my grandparents. It's a long story....

I'm sure they would get over it in the long run. I'm suprised they don't already have an idea seeing as how I read alot of books that christians wouldn't even think about reading.

And to answer you second question, I'm from Alabama, US. WHOA! The Bible Belt.... we're not those people.
 
Its a lot like coming out of the closet as being gay I suppose.
My Mom thought it was a phase. Now we don't talk about it because she cries when we do. She's hoping if she prays hard enough long enough I'll change. Before she dies (and I mean right before) I'll probably tell her 'I saw the light and changed my mind" just to make her happy.
My brothers and their wives give me a lot of guff, mainly the wives. One wife won't let her kids around me, I might tell them stuff like 'think for yourself'.
No one at work knows, very few friends know. My son (also an atheist) knows, my daughter doesn't. We pretend we're believers for her. Put up a nativity every xmas, go to church at easter, etc.
 
Celpha Fiael said:
Yeah, I'm kinda in the same boat. Good friends know (yes, Ashley too :cool:), but I haven't blatantly told my parents. Having said that, I'm not afraid to, I just don't see the point in being so dramatic about it. I think they have an idea though; they've seen me reading The God Delusion and asked about it. After I said, "It's the most intellectually satisfying book I've ever read," my dad responded, "Yeah, it's only fair to consider the other point of view."...which is admirable especially compared to other theists' more likely responses, but still very close minded (the sentence was said with a hint of almost pity towards the utterly hopeless and confused "other side").

It will come out to who matters in due time.
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Wanna start a support group at the university? :rolleyes:
What will Tonay think!?!

I think we'll survive.
 
Orleander said:
Its a lot like coming out of the closet as being gay I suppose.
My Mom thought it was a phase. Now we don't talk about it because she cries when we do. She's hoping if she prays hard enough long enough I'll change. Before she dies (and I mean right before) I'll probably tell her 'I saw the light and changed my mind" just to make her happy.
My brothers and their wives give me a lot of guff, mainly the wives. One wife won't let her kids around me, I might tell them stuff like 'think for yourself'.
No one at work knows, very few friends know. My son (also an atheist) knows, my daughter doesn't. We pretend we're believers for her. Put up a nativity every xmas, go to church at easter, etc.
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Alot of my friends know. Well, the ones that know how to keep things hush hush.

Then I have a few friends that like to pray for me... alot. Which makes me a little angry. I'm sure they know, but they're part of this nuts christian group at the college I go to and all speak in tongues. It's quite a show. They can just deal with it because there is just no pleasing people sometimes.
 
Gondolin said:
I don't want to say they're strict christians to the point where I'll be shunned and forgotten about. They raised me and my biggest fear is dissapointing my grandparents. It's a long story....

I'm sure they would get over it in the long run. I'm suprised they don't already have an idea seeing as how I read alot of books that christians wouldn't even think about reading.

And to answer you second question, I'm from Alabama, US. WHOA! The Bible Belt.... we're not those people.
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So I guess don't be dramatic about it, and don't plan it out as an event or anything. If they ever make a statement about believing that somehow includes you in it, make some offhanded comment that you're not in that group and see what happens. :shrug:
 
ashura said:
So I guess don't be dramatic about it, and don't plan it out as an event or anything. If they ever make a statement about believing that somehow includes you in it, make some offhanded comment that you're not in that group and see what happens. :shrug:
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I've always told myself that if the subject came up and they asked me, I'd tell them. No point in outright lying about it. But I've never wanted to plan it all out. That sounds lame.
 
I flat out randomly told a friend last night, but that was because we're writing music together right now. I do lyrics (that needless to say, reflect my atheistic thoughts) which I tried to cloak in an ambiguity in hopes he wouldn't pick up on it too directly. I did a good job of that but I felt as though I was restricting myself, so I just told him.
 
Celpha Fiael said:
I flat out randomly told a friend last night, but that was because we're writing music together right now. I do lyrics (that needless to say, reflect my atheistic thoughts) which I tried to cloak in an ambiguity in hopes he wouldn't pick up on it too directly. I did a good job of that but I felt as though I was restricting myself, so I just told him.
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Yeah, but your music is shit. :)
 
While I haven't said the actual words "i'm an athiest" i actively do not participate in religious events. Dad pretty much leaves me be, but Mum and Grandmum consistently try to bring me "back into the fold"...I simply do not enjoy being a sheeple.

Luckily though, they're not the fundie types who'd want to alienate me because of my lack of religion. Mum and Grandmum's hearts are in the right place :)

Gondolin, dependant on how old you are, the fallout from telling the relatives should be decreasingly small. If hiding it bothers you, you should tell them you're not comfortable with religion, and would appreciate that you be given your 'god given right' to choose. Most religions give the choice.
 
Personally I've never really given a shit what other people think. They're not living my life, I'm not living theirs.

Of course it can be difficult if you're living under their roof but even that never made me care. My sister and brother are both religious nuts, (different religions), but by now know not to mess with me.

I would personally take the direct approach, but I do understand that it doesn't work for everyone.
 
I hardly know anybody that I'd consider religious, most if not all of my friends are atheists and my family don't practice religion at all. It's really not a big deal here in the UK (unless you're unlucky enough to be born into a tight Muslim or Jewish community, faith schools and all that shit).
 
I'm with the last two.
here in the UK, you can just be yourself, I like snakelord have a brother who is a devout christian, we dont talk not because I dont want to, the complete opposite, him with so called christian values, (judge ye not, or ye shall surely be judged) I feel sorry for you americans, because aledgedly 80% of americans are religious, which would make it very hard for you to come out without some sort of come back especially if there anything like my brother.
however I wonder how many closet atheist there are I would say that america in general would be about the same as the uk in religious or atheist adherents, we need people like you to come out and show the powers that be that america isn't 80% religious, to let them know
1. they talk s**t.
2, they havn't got such a hold over you.
66% of the UK population have no connection with any religion or church, but not to say that there all atheist, a percentage may have a belief in a higher power, but even with that theres a huge difference with the USA.
 
ashura said:
How old is your daughter?
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nine. Her daycare is in a church, so we have vacation bible school this week. Well, they call it music camp. So we will be going to a presentation of my daughter singing her heart out to God on Friday.
 
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