Heres mine ..
When I was 18 I earnt very good money but I had no sense whatsoever. I had also started getting into class A drugs and could easily afford to buy whatever I wanted. As time went on I went down the path of many abusers and got thoroughly depressed, anxious, paranoid, extreme highs, extreme lows etc. I had to quit my job and get help. Psychiatrists did my head in as they all seemed intellectually inferior to me.
My parents were beside themselves. They knew I was smoking herb and accepted that but they didnt know about the acid, E's etc. My behaviour was very strange most of the time but it was the crippling depression that upset my parents most.
Now me mum worked with a woman who belonged to a Christian Worship Group and this woman had become a bit of a shoulder to cry on. This woman suggested that two of the male members who had gone through drug problems and associated depression, came to visit me in my home. Well you can imagine how I felt about that!!!! I was like ' Well thats just what I fucking need isnt it. A bunch of God Botherers telling me I need Jesus etc. Fucking A-Holes!!!'
My mum said they were due to turn up anytime and would I at least be polite. I agreed. I had been brought up not to cause your parents shame and so I went along with it.
So these two lads turn up, well not really lads - in their 30's. They introduced themselves and asked questions about me.... 'What was going on?', 'Was I paranoid? etc'.
I answered honestly for the most part I think. Then one of them started telling me about his life. Major mushroom head, travelled to Afghanistan, India etc in a bus just getting wired and living it up - I could tell he wasnt bullshitting either. The other lad was a major alcholic and talked about his miserable wretched little life on the booze.
They both claimed that 'Jesus' had pulled them back from the brink and 'walked' with them daily helping them in their lives. In my mind I'm thinking 'OK lads you had credibility up till that point ... now why dont you fuck off and leave me to my spliff and techno tunes!'
Then one says 'Hey theres a meeting on tonight. Why dont you come?? We will take you and bring you back!'
The penny dropped! Arggg they had come to fucking convert me!
I was already to make an excuse about why I couldnt go right there and then when I actually looked into this blokes eyes for the first time. How many people look you in the eye when they are talking to you? Check it out, not many do look you str8 in the eye!' Anyway .. I was a bit taken aback because the guy was genuine. He wasnt bullshitting me. Trust me I am very discerning and if this guy didnt look like he was being str8 up with me, I coulda pulled an excuse outta nowhere in a hot flash.
So I went. The car journey to the 'meeting place' was boring but it actually made a change from staring at my bedroom walls, just broke up the day. This was how I justified going along with this madness anyway.
We got there ... big church hall, lots of old people outside. A few young uns, looked a bit like geeks to me. My heart sank. This was gonna be two hours of fucking dull dull dullo with god botherin weirdos - oh joy!
I smiled politely (musnt cause the parents shame) and said hello to people as they said hello to me. We shuffled into this hall and to my horror there were rows of chairs all very regimental. People made their way to a chair, sat down and stared at the stage. Some musicians came on ( well at least I could mock the guitarist who was bound to be crap ) and people scrambled to their feet and they started playing some 'jesus yeah!' tune. Everyone was clapping and singing and I felt a bit like a jew at a pig roast to be honest.
I started praying it would be over in a cynical way.
Eventually it did end after some 'speakers' had rabbited on about something I was probably oblivious to in my mind-numbed state and more of those good old 'jesus yeah!' tunes had been sung ...
The two guys who had brought me to the place greeted me afterwards and asked me what I thought.
Me Politely ( of course ): 'Yeah it was OK. People seemed to enjoy themselves.'
Them: 'But did you enjoy it?'
Me: 'Yeah it was OK.'
Them: 'Shall we get a coffee?' <pointing to v long queue for coffee>
Me:
<Mind thought='are you fucking kidding?????' />
[Gob]Yeah that would be great![/Gob]
So we stand in this queue. The coffee is being poured by two very old ladies in only a way that snails could follow with any kind of precision.
It is painful standing there. Awkward. Sensing my awkwardness, one of them says 'I really feel that Jesus wants us to pray with you!'. The other guy chips in 'Yeah its sooo strong isnt it. I really feel it too.'
I'm starting to feel like a trapped animal and have to keep reminding myself that this will end, has to end. I will be back in my bedroom smoking a fatty and listening to tunes and this will be over.
I look at them , feverishly searching for signs of fanaticism and a little crazyness in their eyes but I see none of this. They just look like two excited boys who have just been asked to help Dad hold some wood he is about to cut. I couldnt say no! I looked at the coffee queue, it hadnt moved. I figured if I indulged in their mission to pray with me, perhaps they would be satisfied and take me home. What did I have to lose ( apart from any street cred I had ever obtained) ?
I said 'OK' and shrugged. In my mind I was convinced they were gonna say 'Dear Father, please save this wretched soul from drug addiction etc etc'. Oh fuck it I could live with that as long as I get home soon cos I was feeling pretty paranoid and a little out of my depth now.
They led me over to a quiet corner where people had finished stacking chairs up and flanked me to the left and right. One said ' Jesus is a gentleman, he doesnt just barge into your life and force himself upon you. Rather he wants you to hear his knocking and when you hear it he wants you to invite him into your life.'
[My Mind]Oh for fucks sake ... anything else before I can go!!!![/My Mind]
I stood there while they shut their eyes and put their outstretched palms near me but not touching me. I was expecting the 'Dear Father ...' monologue and just braced myself hoping that when they had finished I could pull off a polite 'Oh I do feel a bit better thanks. Mmm something to think about.' speech. Humour them, get shot of them, job done!
There was no Dear Fathers, In fact I only caught a few words of English like 'Thank you Lord, Praise you Lord', the rest of their 'words' were not in any tongue I had ever heard. It was a little weird but when you had taken as many trips as I had in my time, very little phases you out completely. They didnt stop. No chance to pull out the 'I'm better now, you can feel like youve done a good job lads' speech.
To be continued ...
When I was 18 I earnt very good money but I had no sense whatsoever. I had also started getting into class A drugs and could easily afford to buy whatever I wanted. As time went on I went down the path of many abusers and got thoroughly depressed, anxious, paranoid, extreme highs, extreme lows etc. I had to quit my job and get help. Psychiatrists did my head in as they all seemed intellectually inferior to me.
My parents were beside themselves. They knew I was smoking herb and accepted that but they didnt know about the acid, E's etc. My behaviour was very strange most of the time but it was the crippling depression that upset my parents most.
Now me mum worked with a woman who belonged to a Christian Worship Group and this woman had become a bit of a shoulder to cry on. This woman suggested that two of the male members who had gone through drug problems and associated depression, came to visit me in my home. Well you can imagine how I felt about that!!!! I was like ' Well thats just what I fucking need isnt it. A bunch of God Botherers telling me I need Jesus etc. Fucking A-Holes!!!'
My mum said they were due to turn up anytime and would I at least be polite. I agreed. I had been brought up not to cause your parents shame and so I went along with it.
So these two lads turn up, well not really lads - in their 30's. They introduced themselves and asked questions about me.... 'What was going on?', 'Was I paranoid? etc'.
I answered honestly for the most part I think. Then one of them started telling me about his life. Major mushroom head, travelled to Afghanistan, India etc in a bus just getting wired and living it up - I could tell he wasnt bullshitting either. The other lad was a major alcholic and talked about his miserable wretched little life on the booze.
They both claimed that 'Jesus' had pulled them back from the brink and 'walked' with them daily helping them in their lives. In my mind I'm thinking 'OK lads you had credibility up till that point ... now why dont you fuck off and leave me to my spliff and techno tunes!'
Then one says 'Hey theres a meeting on tonight. Why dont you come?? We will take you and bring you back!'
The penny dropped! Arggg they had come to fucking convert me!
I was already to make an excuse about why I couldnt go right there and then when I actually looked into this blokes eyes for the first time. How many people look you in the eye when they are talking to you? Check it out, not many do look you str8 in the eye!' Anyway .. I was a bit taken aback because the guy was genuine. He wasnt bullshitting me. Trust me I am very discerning and if this guy didnt look like he was being str8 up with me, I coulda pulled an excuse outta nowhere in a hot flash.
So I went. The car journey to the 'meeting place' was boring but it actually made a change from staring at my bedroom walls, just broke up the day. This was how I justified going along with this madness anyway.
We got there ... big church hall, lots of old people outside. A few young uns, looked a bit like geeks to me. My heart sank. This was gonna be two hours of fucking dull dull dullo with god botherin weirdos - oh joy!
I smiled politely (musnt cause the parents shame) and said hello to people as they said hello to me. We shuffled into this hall and to my horror there were rows of chairs all very regimental. People made their way to a chair, sat down and stared at the stage. Some musicians came on ( well at least I could mock the guitarist who was bound to be crap ) and people scrambled to their feet and they started playing some 'jesus yeah!' tune. Everyone was clapping and singing and I felt a bit like a jew at a pig roast to be honest.
I started praying it would be over in a cynical way.
Eventually it did end after some 'speakers' had rabbited on about something I was probably oblivious to in my mind-numbed state and more of those good old 'jesus yeah!' tunes had been sung ...
The two guys who had brought me to the place greeted me afterwards and asked me what I thought.
Me Politely ( of course ): 'Yeah it was OK. People seemed to enjoy themselves.'
Them: 'But did you enjoy it?'
Me: 'Yeah it was OK.'
Them: 'Shall we get a coffee?' <pointing to v long queue for coffee>
Me:
<Mind thought='are you fucking kidding?????' />
[Gob]Yeah that would be great![/Gob]
So we stand in this queue. The coffee is being poured by two very old ladies in only a way that snails could follow with any kind of precision.
It is painful standing there. Awkward. Sensing my awkwardness, one of them says 'I really feel that Jesus wants us to pray with you!'. The other guy chips in 'Yeah its sooo strong isnt it. I really feel it too.'
I'm starting to feel like a trapped animal and have to keep reminding myself that this will end, has to end. I will be back in my bedroom smoking a fatty and listening to tunes and this will be over.
I look at them , feverishly searching for signs of fanaticism and a little crazyness in their eyes but I see none of this. They just look like two excited boys who have just been asked to help Dad hold some wood he is about to cut. I couldnt say no! I looked at the coffee queue, it hadnt moved. I figured if I indulged in their mission to pray with me, perhaps they would be satisfied and take me home. What did I have to lose ( apart from any street cred I had ever obtained) ?
I said 'OK' and shrugged. In my mind I was convinced they were gonna say 'Dear Father, please save this wretched soul from drug addiction etc etc'. Oh fuck it I could live with that as long as I get home soon cos I was feeling pretty paranoid and a little out of my depth now.
They led me over to a quiet corner where people had finished stacking chairs up and flanked me to the left and right. One said ' Jesus is a gentleman, he doesnt just barge into your life and force himself upon you. Rather he wants you to hear his knocking and when you hear it he wants you to invite him into your life.'
[My Mind]Oh for fucks sake ... anything else before I can go!!!![/My Mind]
I stood there while they shut their eyes and put their outstretched palms near me but not touching me. I was expecting the 'Dear Father ...' monologue and just braced myself hoping that when they had finished I could pull off a polite 'Oh I do feel a bit better thanks. Mmm something to think about.' speech. Humour them, get shot of them, job done!
There was no Dear Fathers, In fact I only caught a few words of English like 'Thank you Lord, Praise you Lord', the rest of their 'words' were not in any tongue I had ever heard. It was a little weird but when you had taken as many trips as I had in my time, very little phases you out completely. They didnt stop. No chance to pull out the 'I'm better now, you can feel like youve done a good job lads' speech.
To be continued ...