Christian-Atheist Relationships

[Thoreau]

So, I'm asking the following question partly due to my own personal situation. As a little background, I'm dating someone who is Christian, who rejects evolution, and who believes that the flood of Noah actually happened in literal terms.

Now, we haven't gotten in a deep discussion as of yet about their views, partly because I'm trying to figure out how to approach it sensitively. But upon thinking about it, I'm not sure if I could actually be with someone who rejected proof and evidence of something just because of their religious views. It begs questions such as, 'Do I want my kids to be raised by someone like that?'.

Now, the question for you guys is this:

If you're an Atheist, could you ever marry someone who was Chrisitan and held the same views as I've described above?

If you're a Christian, could you ever marry an Atheist who didn't believe in God or creation stories?

(Adding a poll...)

 

[Dywyddyr]

As a little background, I'm dating someone who is Christian

Radiocarbon method or did you cut them in half and count the rings?

If you're an Atheist, could you ever marry someone who was Chrisitan and held the same views as I've described above?

I don't think I'd get to be more than an acquaintance to be honest.
The second they saw my library they'd have fits...

 

[drumbeat]

I'm an atheist, but I can't ever see me being with a Christian.

I would date a Buddhist, Hindu, Sikh....but the big 3 would be difficult. Never say never though. A casual or cultural Christian rather than a hardcore church-goer may be fine.

 

[Rhaedas]

I think you need to approach the subject at some point, because not only should the relationship be based on understanding and honesty, if it ever got to the point of raising kids, it's not going to go well if you two haven't figured out either a compromise or something.

So, while I'm married to someone that would probably classify more a deist than anything, so it doesn't really clash, given the poll, I'd have to do what I described above, just to get the conflict out in the open. Not as a confrontation, but as a frank discussion of limitations.

 

[Rav]

You'll have to define Christian. If you're talking about a practicing fundamentalist then I seriously doubt that such a relationship would even begin much less develop into something that could result in marriage.

Please ignore the above. I'll answer based on your current description. Obviously since you are in a relationship already I can infer that there isn't quite the fundamental incompatibility between you that might exist if she was indeed a hardcore Christian. So what this boils down to I think is whether or not you make each other happy. Although I am certain that you are in for some heated debates, good things can sometimes come from those (make-up sex for example).

I've never been in a relationship with a girl that I haven't had serious disagreements with. They are part of every relationship. I actually tend to enjoy being challenged on my opinions. So for me it's not about whether or not my girlfriend agrees with me about everything (which would seem to be a fundamental impossibility in any relationship), but whether or not such disagreements are significant enough to justify ending a relationship that is otherwise mutually beneficial.

I'd say don't let your pride or sense of intellectual superiority (which I assume you have to some extent since you're already strategizing about how to "enlighten" her) spoil everything else. Ask yourself how truly important it is that she understands where human beings came from. Does such an understanding make her more able to make you happy?

Alternatively, you could always just demonstrate to her how evolution is not necessarily incompatible with God. But I'd leave the God part alone. Everyone should be free to believe in God if they want to.

EDIT: Here's a start: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Theistic_evolution

 

[wynn]

Now, the question for you guys is this:

If you're an Atheist, could you ever marry someone who was Chrisitan and held the same views as I've described above?

If you're a Christian, could you ever marry an Atheist who didn't believe in God or creation stories?

(Adding a poll...)

Absolutely not. I do not believe in interreligious relationships, be they romantic or friendships. It is my experience - and I have plenty in that department - that interreligious relationships do not work.

It is impossible to happily be with someone who believes I am essentially wrong, and for whom I believe that they are essentially wrong.

Sure, there are many people who are in interreligious relationships; but they either don't take their own or the other person's religion seriously; there are economical or familial ties; or they are bound by some pyschopathology.

The only crux is in how to end those relationships, and how to justify the ending to oneself and the other person.

Now, we haven't gotten in a deep discussion as of yet about their views, partly because I'm trying to figure out how to approach it sensitively. But upon thinking about it, I'm not sure if I could actually be with someone who rejected proof and evidence of something just because of their religious views. It begs questions such as, 'Do I want my kids to be raised by someone like that?'.

Personally, I would distance myself and not discuss religion unless insisted upon by the other person; and even then, very reluctantly.

When people are different, it sometimes happens that they try to diagnose eachother, and this can get really nasty. Whether it is by referring to psychology, or science or religion.
Read this: http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog...ctim-identity-im-not-okay-youre-more-not-okay

 

[wynn]

Also, I strongly recommend reading this: http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog...iage-failure-compassion-and-the-rise-contempt
I think what this psychologist says is pertinent to all relationships, not just marriages.

 

[Thoreau]

Thanks, Signal, for your input.

 

[Thoreau]

You'll have to define Christian. If you're talking about a practicing fundamentalist then I seriously doubt that such a relationship would even begin much less develop into something that could result in marriage.

Please ignore the above. I'll answer based on your current description. Obviously since you are in a relationship already...

Not a relationship, just dating.

 

[Thoreau]

I think you need to approach the subject at some point, because not only should the relationship be based on understanding and honesty, if it ever got to the point of raising kids, it's not going to go well if you two haven't figured out either a compromise or something.

So, while I'm married to someone that would probably classify more a deist than anything, so it doesn't really clash, given the poll, I'd have to do what I described above, just to get the conflict out in the open. Not as a confrontation, but as a frank discussion of limitations.

I agree.

 

[Me-Ki-Gal]

So, I'm asking the following question partly due to my own personal situation. As a little background, I'm dating someone who is Christian, who rejects evolution, and who believes that the flood of Noah actually happened in literal terms.

Now, we haven't gotten in a deep discussion as of yet about their views, partly because I'm trying to figure out how to approach it sensitively. But upon thinking about it, I'm not sure if I could actually be with someone who rejected proof and evidence of something just because of their religious views. It begs questions such as, 'Do I want my kids to be raised by someone like that?'.

Now, the question for you guys is this:

If you're an Atheist, could you ever marry someone who was Chrisitan and held the same views as I've described above?

If you're a Christian, could you ever marry an Atheist who didn't believe in God or creation stories?

(Adding a poll...)

When it comes to relationships like mindedness is sacred . If you truly want to go that far with that woman then you need to work " I say work" to be like minded . That is a give and take tit for tat manifestation and if that is not the case distance your self now before you cause the woman mental anguish

 

[Thoreau]

When it comes to relationships like mindedness is sacred . If you truly want to go that far with that woman then you need to work " I say work" to be like minded . That is a give and take tit for tat manifestation and if that is not the case distance your self now before you cause the woman mental anguish

Not that it matters but its a guy. Lol.

 

[Rav]

Not that it matters but its a guy. Lol.

Sorry, but you know, I was playing the averages with my choice of pronouns In any case, it's all equally relevant of course.

 

[Yazata]

Some of the most thoughtful and humane people that I've ever met in my lifetime have been Christians. I've been strongly influenced by them. I could easily imagine having a romantic relationship with some of them and in fact I have.

But they were open-minded, tolerant and rather free-thinking Christians. Liberal Christians in a theological sense. I'm easy-going and happily admit that I don't have all the answers, so it worked. We found it easy to treat each other with respect.

I don't know if I could have a successful relationship with a fundamentalist though. It hasn't happened so far, though I've never had any occasion to try and can't say for sure. There might be too much cognitive-dissonance.

Philosophy, science and history are very important to me and are a very big part of my intellectual life. I might find that I don't have a great deal in common with somebody who subordinates those things to religious faith. And conversely, I'm not really attuned to the kind of things that the other person finds most important in life. It might be a problem.

 

[drumbeat]

Absolutely not. I do not believe in interreligious relationships, be they romantic or friendships. It is my experience - and I have plenty in that department - that interreligious relationships do not work.

What a crock of shit.
I have lived in Africa where everyone was Christian or Muslim, and have lived in Japan where everyone held some Shintoist and Buddhist beliefs and I had many freinds and saw many other inter-faith friendships.
There are many friendships around the world between faiths.

If all your "interreligious relationships do not work", I suggest its you that's the problem.

 

[John99]

It must be impossible to have a relationship with any fundamentalist if you dont agree witht them...which is what fundamentalism is. Seems to me the problem in the OP (most likely fictional) is going the other way.

 

[spidergoat]

It's hard to find anyone in this country who isn't religious. We need an atheist dating website.

 

[GeoffP]

The girl of my dreams has to be a Reformed Myuunitarian.

 

[Thoreau]

It must be impossible to have a relationship with any fundamentalist if you dont agree witht them...which is what fundamentalism is. Seems to me the problem in the OP (most likely fictional) is going the other way.

I assure you my dilemna is far from fictional. Trust me, I wish it were fictional; it would save me one hell of an uncomfortable conversation lol.

It's hard to find anyone in this country who isn't religious. We need an atheist dating website.

There are a few out there. Unfortunately, their membership counts are next to nil.

 

[Thoreau]

The thing that keeps rolling through my head is something along the lines of the following.

If you have faith to such an extent that you exlude scientific evidence and logic/reason, it really makes me question ones intelligence.

If you believe that a global flood occured and some guy built an ark and then somehow managed to cram every animal in existance - not just one of each, but by "two's and seven's" - onto the boat, and THEN survived for 40 days at sea with his family and that somehow he managed to keep all of the animals alive, I really have to question your judgement. Despite that there is absolutely no geological or historical evidence of it happening, the sheer possibility of something like that happening is nada.

I mean, I think I could deal with someone who was more of a moderate Christian, someone who didn't believe the impossible, illogical fairy tales like the story of the flood, creation, etc. But if you're that clouded in religious teachings that you can't see the natural world for what it is, then that concerns me.

And the sad thing, more specifically in regard to my situation, is that aside from that, he's a pretty damn intellegent, down-to-earth, (and not to mention attractive) guy whom I share a lot in common with. We have great conversations, identical values in regard to expectations in relationships, and we have similar interests. It seems that we are very much compatible in nearly all aspects; all except this.