your right but there IS a difference. If i loan my parents money and they tell me that they might not be able to pay me back long term then and i can afford that then fine, i am helping them out and i accept that and i cant complane. If on the other hand i lend them money that i cant aford to give away on the understanding that it will be paid back and its not (like what happens to my GF ALL the time) then that is as wrong as doing it to anyone else and i can understand the daughter going to court over it
Are we in debt to our parents?
- Thread starter 0scar
- Start date
A loan is a loan. However, I don't see how one can loan to relatives. I'd avoid such issues precisely because relatives assume they don't have to pay back any time soon. I'd rather accept that I'm giving them money without expecting anything back; if I can't give it, I'd just say so. Aiding out of love is easier than going through the whole borrowing+getting back thing.
i wish i could get my gf to be like that. She loans money to her parents that she NEEDS back (she has a small income as it is) and they never pay her back. Causes huge fights but she will still do it next time so that shes not "rocking the boat" so to speak. She ends up most weeks with maybe $50 of her own money left after her mum and dad have "borrowed" "just till i get paid" ect. If her mum didnt blow all her income on the pokies she wouldnt HAVE to borrow it from my GF
Bells:
If he does so, and raises successful offspring, why the fuck not?
Parents don't have children out of some wide-eyed altruistic motive. They have children because they aren't creative enough to think of a better thing to do. They don't raise us because they like us - no sane person actually likes children - they raise us because they want their genes to move a generation.
The function of parents is to produce children. The function of those children is to produce children.
Expecting things to go the other way around is just plain stupid.
Do you honestly think they care?
You sound like Tipper Gore with all this "good, decent" malarky.
I don't see anyone forcing them to.
So they must have done it because it gave them pleasure.
Why should I be obligated to someone because they did something they found pleasant?
Do I owe my friend fifty bucks every time he gets laid?
"Hey buddy, you screwed a skanky ho-bag, I owe you one!"
Of course not. It's ludicrious.
But now take that ludicrious situation, and prop it up with thousands of years of cultural indoctrination, and all of a sudden it's not only moral and good, it's horrible to consider any other way!
And that's when you end up with situations like Asguard's.
If he does so, and raises successful offspring, why the fuck not?
Parents don't have children out of some wide-eyed altruistic motive. They have children because they aren't creative enough to think of a better thing to do. They don't raise us because they like us - no sane person actually likes children - they raise us because they want their genes to move a generation.
The function of parents is to produce children. The function of those children is to produce children.
Expecting things to go the other way around is just plain stupid.
Do you honestly think they care?
You sound like Tipper Gore with all this "good, decent" malarky.
I don't see anyone forcing them to.
So they must have done it because it gave them pleasure.
Why should I be obligated to someone because they did something they found pleasant?
Do I owe my friend fifty bucks every time he gets laid?
"Hey buddy, you screwed a skanky ho-bag, I owe you one!"
Of course not. It's ludicrious.
But now take that ludicrious situation, and prop it up with thousands of years of cultural indoctrination, and all of a sudden it's not only moral and good, it's horrible to consider any other way!
And that's when you end up with situations like Asguard's.
Lou and Monkey,
You are both right.
You made some excellent points and I recant my earlier statements.
Asguard,
As far as I can see, it is your solely girlfriend's fault.
First of all, after the first time, she sould have learned her lesson. "Fool me once ..." and all that.
Secondly, if her mother has a real problem, helping her to cover it up is of no help to her. When she was a teenager, if her mother found out that she had a heroin addiction, would her mother have slipped her twenty under the table every day to support her habit and keep her father from finding out? I would hope not.
I have "lent" my brother money many times over the years.
Knowing my brother as well as I do there was always one most important thing I kept in mind.
I would only ever LEND him money that I could afford to GIVE him.
My brother is currently in debt to me for over $30,000.
I am fine with that because it wasn't rent money I was lending him.
If he would call me asking to bail him out of jail for $3,000, I would only do it if I could afford to lose that $3,000 at that time.
He is in a much better situation now then he was then (largely due to the money I have "lent" him) but he still can't afford to pay me back.
If someday he can afford to, then he will.
If he can never afford to, then he won't.
It's pretty much as simple as that.
You are both right.
You made some excellent points and I recant my earlier statements.
Asguard,
As far as I can see, it is your solely girlfriend's fault.
First of all, after the first time, she sould have learned her lesson. "Fool me once ..." and all that.
Secondly, if her mother has a real problem, helping her to cover it up is of no help to her. When she was a teenager, if her mother found out that she had a heroin addiction, would her mother have slipped her twenty under the table every day to support her habit and keep her father from finding out? I would hope not.
I have "lent" my brother money many times over the years.
Knowing my brother as well as I do there was always one most important thing I kept in mind.
I would only ever LEND him money that I could afford to GIVE him.
My brother is currently in debt to me for over $30,000.
I am fine with that because it wasn't rent money I was lending him.
If he would call me asking to bail him out of jail for $3,000, I would only do it if I could afford to lose that $3,000 at that time.
He is in a much better situation now then he was then (largely due to the money I have "lent" him) but he still can't afford to pay me back.
If someday he can afford to, then he will.
If he can never afford to, then he won't.
It's pretty much as simple as that.
0scar said:
This generally depends. If they were "good" parents, then yes. Not so much in debt, but we should carry out our duty and help them in any way possible.
If the parents treat the children well while they are children, then yes, the children should repay their parents, in a way, and the vary least by (as in Oscar's example) not sue your parents. Just return the favor.
But if they are "bad" parents, I would think not in the least.
If there was an alchoholic father who beats his child everynight after drinking, should that child be in debt to his father? If there was a teenage girl who's father raped her, is she in debt to him? If a mother takes (illegal) drugs ( :m: ) and generally screws up her kid's life, is he in debt to her?
Of course not.