Originally posted by one_raven
That's because you don't know me.
I would prefer to comfort my mother and make her last days as tolerable (and hopefully enjoyable) as I possibly can.
I would rather see her die with dignity than kicking and screaming trying to hold onto life.
I think, as a whole, we face death in entirely the wrong way.
It is not something to be feared and hated.
It is necessary.
It WILL come.
I would rather focus on quality of life than cheating death.
Someone I cared for very deeply (my mother's boyfriend, who was more of a father to me than my father ever was) died of cancer, so I know exactly how I would feel. I am not deluded, if that is what you are thinking.
one_raven, I know what you're saying. Last year my mother died of cancer. After her death I began thinking about death itself. It is inevitable, like all things, it's impermanent. Yet all organisms seems to do everything to avoid it. From birth, we run from the one thing that is certain in our lives.
My mother did this too, and while she rarely showed it, she was suffering hell. Near the end of her life, she broke a leg of which the bone had been deteriorating over a few years. After a week or two in hospital she came back home in crutches. She could only walk at a snails pace. A few weeks after her return, she started to feel worse. She could hardly eat and she could not empty her bowels properly. She lost a great deal of weight and only then did it became apparent to me, after her suffering of 10 years, that she was going to die. Her cancer had spread to her digestive system which was a point of no return. Three days before her death she asked to be taken into pallative care. On the last day of her life she could not respond to anything at all, but she was able to sense things to a degree.
The reason I tell you these is just to point out what is in store for life. Suffering. Perhaps my mothers death taught me more than anything ever had. It made me realise that death, whether I liked it or not, was comming sooner or later, but it was how I faced it that mattered. Suffering is what you make it. It will always be unpleasant but the way you handle it is what makes it greater or less than what it really is. Alot of things were revealed to me in the months prior and after her death. I learnt that my mother was diagnosed when I was 5 and still applied for a full time job and sustained it though stages of chemotherapy. She did take leave from work and retired early but she set her suffering aside and focused on what she felt was important.
I know that my mother suffered in her pursuits to elongate her life, and she did it by 6 years to what the doctors said when she was first diagnosed (so much for science!). But in those 6 years, she experience suffering that I can only imagine enduring. Like one_raven said I wanted my mother's last days to be comfortable. I know that she used medicines that were probably tested on animals first and while I love my mother and am greatful that she lived for the time that she did, after her death, I dicided that I did not want her fate. I decided that rather than run from death when it was so close, I would accept it. I would rather a short period of suffering than a long elongated fall, or as one_raven put it, cheating death.
I've accepted the fact that I will one day die. Therefore, I have no problem with death today, or death tomorrow and see no purpose in staying alive longer than nature intends.
Off the topic, I know, but I felt obligied to share these thougths with you after reading one_ravens post.