I remember the promise of subscription TV. Not just no ads, but we'll finally get to see all the stuff that the "huddled masses" don't like. We pay the bill, we get to see what we want.
Oh boy! We'll have the Shakespeare Channel, the Philharmonic Channel, the Literature Discussion Channel, the Great Moments in Math Channel, won't life be great?
So now I'm paying $600 a year for TV and what do I get? About twelve channels of news for people who either can't read the newspaper or don't want to decide for themselves how they feel about it. About twenty channels of sports--at least I think so, I don't know whether people who follow sports count golf and fishing or not. Several channels that call themselves "music television" but only show music videos between 1am and 5am. Several channels that look like full-time advertising with a twist: they want me to dial a phone number and actually buy the stuff without going out and doing my own research and comparison. Several channels of really prosperous looking evangelists who aren't exactly advertising anything but they still insist that I send them my money for reasons not clearly explained except that pink beehive hairdos must cost a fortune to maintain. Several channels that show nothing but reruns of old tv shows that even the commercial channels don't bother showing anymore. Well there are a lot of movies--no wait, only a couple of of those actually come in and the movies are almost as old as I am--I have to pay MORE money than taking my wife to the theater to get the newer ones, talk about inexplicable.
So what do I, Fraggle Rocker, actually get for my money? If I miss my soap opera and forget to tape it, I can catch it later in the evening on SoapNet. I've actually done that. Comedy Central. Jon Stewart and South Park are two of the best shows ever produced. The SciFi channel. The Invisible Man, Farscape, The Chronicle, Stargate, Atlantis, okay, they usually run at least one show I love. Discovery, Home&Garden, Food, History. Hey, they've got really, really good stuff--but I don't watch it very much. Wait a minute--those channels all show commercials! I thought this was supposed to be PAY TV!
Okay, what's commercial-free? About ten digital music television channels that actually play music videos all the time. I really love MTV en Espanol and I watch the others sometime. Uhhhh, what else? About sixty sound-only music channels that beat the hell out of radio. Fifteen of them--one fourth!--are in Spanish, which I find rather amazing, but fortunately I'm from the Southwest so I feel right at home.
So what do I get for my six hundred bucks a year? Some pretty good stuff actually, but it has COMMERCIALS! And some pretty good music.
No Shakespeare, no Philharmonic, no Literature, no Math.
Whatever happened to the promise of subscription TV? Was that like flying cars and the four-day work week?