Totally pointly inventions
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Here are a few:
Butter Stick
Duster Cat Slippers (while they run around let them dust your floors)
Food Cooler Fan
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Wonderful items except I see the fan as being redundant. Surely the cat could be trained to fart on the spaghetti.
The synth banks that are supposed to sound like brass instruments (IE - trumpet, saxophone) or string instruments (IE - violin, chello)
What alternate dimension do you have to be from to believe they sound even remotely close to those things LOL?
What alternate dimension do you have to be from to believe they sound even remotely close to those things LOL?
Nice one Myles but I'm not so sure I want my cat's unpredictable arse only centimetres from my noodles.
And those cat-hair collecting slippers giving off a puff of furballs every time he lets one rip.
Spaghetti and furballs?
Fraggle Rocker
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They do an acceptable job with a string section, especially on rock songs with their ham-fisted dynamics. But the attack and sustain of an individual instrument is beyond them, not to mention tremolo. The essence of the first violin, second violin or viola section in an orchestra is to blend the slightly different pitches and tremolos of all the members into a pure and simple waveform. But the essence of a solo violin or cello is that each note has its own waveform, individually handcrafted to fit the spirit of the piece being performed, and moreover that each time any note is repeated it will not necessarily be crafted the same way--like a human voice.
The same is true of brass although the specific characteristics of the tone are different. I suspect a synthesizer could be programmed to do a decent job of a brass section, but there's not much call for these in popular music so AFAIK no one has bothered to try to simulate, say, a brass marching band. On my $150 Yamaha, the individual brass instruments are far less realistic than the violin or cello, which are only barely believable.
It does a better job on woodwinds, which have a purer tone, and percussion. Boy can I do a great imitation of a vibraphone, a steel drum, or Zamfir's panpipes.
Even a piano has a certain amount of variation between successive occurrences of the same note. Some is deliberate, some is the random effect of the complex mechanism. My friend who plays keys uses a PC in his rig and just bought the top-end piano synthesizing software. It was loaded by sampling each key eight times instead of one waveform per octave which is what the early ones had. Every time he hits a key he gets a slightly different random combination of those eight samples. The difference is on the edge of conscious hearing and it sounds eerily real.
The technology of music simulation is catching up.
Whatever turns you on
You hatemonger!!!!! Don't you realize the female gets an extra 9 months after you stick your pecker in to decide?
Democracy.....
The United States.
Nipple pasties especially the ones with jewels/tassels!
They're just nipples guys, get used to them! wtf?
If this were a thread about the greatest invention, I would have to say the greatest invention is nipples!!!!!! They're beautiful, and nourishing!
I remember when I was in highschool. The guy that lived across the street used to wash his dads car in a speedo sometimes. Didn't hurt my eyes one bit, as I peered through the upstairs window through the blinds. lolol
Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh the memories!
Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh the memories!
I remember when I was in highschool. The guy that lived across the street used to wash his dads car in a speedo sometimes. Didn't hurt my eyes one bit, as I peered through the upstairs window through the blinds. lolol
Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh the memories!
Was he an "old fat man" in a speedo?
They do an acceptable job with a string section, especially on rock songs with their ham-fisted dynamics. But the attack and sustain of an individual instrument is beyond them, not to mention tremolo. The essence of the first violin, second violin or viola section in an orchestra is to blend the slightly different pitches and tremolos of all the members into a pure and simple waveform. But the essence of a solo violin or cello is that each note has its own waveform, individually handcrafted to fit the spirit of the piece being performed, and moreover that each time any note is repeated it will not necessarily be crafted the same way--like a human voice.
The same is true of brass although the specific characteristics of the tone are different. I suspect a synthesizer could be programmed to do a decent job of a brass section, but there's not much call for these in popular music so AFAIK no one has bothered to try to simulate, say, a brass marching band. On my $150 Yamaha, the individual brass instruments are far less realistic than the violin or cello, which are only barely believable.
It does a better job on woodwinds, which have a purer tone, and percussion. Boy can I do a great imitation of a vibraphone, a steel drum, or Zamfir's panpipes.
Even a piano has a certain amount of variation between successive occurrences of the same note. Some is deliberate, some is the random effect of the complex mechanism. My friend who plays keys uses a PC in his rig and just bought the top-end piano synthesizing software. It was loaded by sampling each key eight times instead of one waveform per octave which is what the early ones had. Every time he hits a key he gets a slightly different random combination of those eight samples. The difference is on the edge of conscious hearing and it sounds eerily real.
The technology of music simulation is catching up.
Nuthin like a bunch of tech heads to ruin music,eh?
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